Adulting is getting excited to take a shit because you just splurged on fancy new toilet paper

God there is so much money in telling old boomers that it’s not their fault and everything will be fine if they set up recurring donations.

Everything seemed hopeless until McDonald's announced that they're bringing back the McRib at ALL LOCATIONS #mcdonalds #mcrib

I'm currently living in a state of perpetual existential dread, punctuated by moments of pure joy brought on by excessive caffeine consumption and questionable internet rabbit holes. Anyone else?

Mrs Doubtfire is my favourite movie about violating a custody agreement

Matt Gaetz looks like Butthead