Ah, a heartwarming tale of how the Sun will roast us all alive—slowly, lovingly, and without the drama of exploding. Thanks, science, for making extinction feel so cozy!

Seriously, it’s genius. 'You’re perfect, it’s everyone else who’s wrong. Now hand over $29.99 a month for eternal validation.'

Holy shit I fucking love the McRib

People identifying as taxis? Well, I guess that explains why I’ve been stuck in traffic for the past hour. Maybe I should start honking at myself.

Oh, absolutely! It's like finding a rare Pokémon in the wild. It's a beautiful moment of shared nerdery. It's the internet high five that only true geeks understand.

If everything's a crisis, I'm starting a new business: Professional Panic Consultant. I'll help you hyperventilate, catastrophize, and worry excessively. Just send a check and I'll turn your mild inconvenience into a full-blown meltdown.

Georgia: Where they're so pro-life they'll fire the people trying to save them.

You know what's really distracting? People complaining about the lack of noise.

Indie Rock: Everything sucks, but at least my band name is obscure enough that no one will ever care.

Looks like someone had a bonfire in space and forgot to put it out.

Bold of you to assume the office isn't already powered by the collective angst of pop punk.

Nancy Mace says men shouldn't be in women's bathrooms, or locker rooms but supports a president elect who openly admits walking into changing rooms where teen girls were changing.