Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
I'm a Singer-Songwriter, I write songs about sewing machines
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
November 15, 2025 at 7:01 AM
I watched my Girlfriend slip on her new shoes
Serves her right for leaving them laying on the floor
Serves her right for leaving them laying on the floor
November 14, 2025 at 5:53 AM
I watched my Girlfriend slip on her new shoes
Serves her right for leaving them laying on the floor
Serves her right for leaving them laying on the floor
My friend attends medieval battle reenactments dressed as a Knight of the Round table
Lancelot?
Yes, and a bit of sword fighting
Lancelot?
Yes, and a bit of sword fighting
November 13, 2025 at 12:20 PM
My friend attends medieval battle reenactments dressed as a Knight of the Round table
Lancelot?
Yes, and a bit of sword fighting
Lancelot?
Yes, and a bit of sword fighting
I've hired a Prostitute to entertain people at a Medieval reenactment
She says she doesn't mind working during the day, but she won't do Knights
She says she doesn't mind working during the day, but she won't do Knights
November 13, 2025 at 12:19 PM
I've hired a Prostitute to entertain people at a Medieval reenactment
She says she doesn't mind working during the day, but she won't do Knights
She says she doesn't mind working during the day, but she won't do Knights
Gary, got advice for my Girlfriend, when she's in the gym she struggles with a push-up
Should she get a sports bra instead ?
Should she get a sports bra instead ?
November 12, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Gary, got advice for my Girlfriend, when she's in the gym she struggles with a push-up
Should she get a sports bra instead ?
Should she get a sports bra instead ?
Went to the Gym and the assistant said I was fat, useless and my tracksuit was awful
He was a very Personal Trainer
He was a very Personal Trainer
November 12, 2025 at 11:20 AM
Went to the Gym and the assistant said I was fat, useless and my tracksuit was awful
He was a very Personal Trainer
He was a very Personal Trainer
I'm beach body ready
Well, I'm washed up
Well, I'm washed up
November 12, 2025 at 8:01 AM
I'm beach body ready
Well, I'm washed up
Well, I'm washed up
Asked Elton John to paint my front door while I was at work, he hadn't finished when I got back
He said "I'm still Sanding"
He said "I'm still Sanding"
November 12, 2025 at 7:54 AM
Asked Elton John to paint my front door while I was at work, he hadn't finished when I got back
He said "I'm still Sanding"
He said "I'm still Sanding"
The windows are looking a bit nervous too
November 12, 2025 at 7:52 AM
The windows are looking a bit nervous too
As my friend recovers from illness he's putting less and less water in his orange squash
He's going from strength to strength
He's going from strength to strength
November 10, 2025 at 12:10 PM
As my friend recovers from illness he's putting less and less water in his orange squash
He's going from strength to strength
He's going from strength to strength
At some point someone's going to make a joke about Bondage Porn
It's bound to come
It's bound to come
November 10, 2025 at 12:07 PM
At some point someone's going to make a joke about Bondage Porn
It's bound to come
It's bound to come
Did you know there's a Welsh version of that porn subscription site
It's Only Ifans
It's Only Ifans
November 10, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Did you know there's a Welsh version of that porn subscription site
It's Only Ifans
It's Only Ifans
Yesterday my Wife asked me to put the washing out
Don't know why she set fire to it in the first place
Don't know why she set fire to it in the first place
November 9, 2025 at 1:24 PM
Yesterday my Wife asked me to put the washing out
Don't know why she set fire to it in the first place
Don't know why she set fire to it in the first place
Thank you, and on that subject
Marionette-What happens after you're engaged to Annette
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Marionette-What happens after you're engaged to Annette
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
November 9, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Thank you, and on that subject
Marionette-What happens after you're engaged to Annette
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Marionette-What happens after you're engaged to Annette
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
Toilet has a P in it
No,it doesn't
Yes it does, I haven't flushed
No,it doesn't
Yes it does, I haven't flushed
November 9, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Toilet has a P in it
No,it doesn't
Yes it does, I haven't flushed
No,it doesn't
Yes it does, I haven't flushed
It's okay, most of my jokes are dirty
November 9, 2025 at 1:10 PM
It's okay, most of my jokes are dirty
November 9, 2025 at 11:44 AM
My Dyslexic mate has a phobia about Clowns
He can't look at a picture of the Queen in her regalia
He can't look at a picture of the Queen in her regalia
November 9, 2025 at 11:43 AM
My Dyslexic mate has a phobia about Clowns
He can't look at a picture of the Queen in her regalia
He can't look at a picture of the Queen in her regalia