Graham Bretman
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gbretman.bsky.social
Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
I'm a Singer-Songwriter, I write songs about sewing machines

Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Persona-The person the purse belongs to
November 15, 2025 at 7:01 AM
I watched my Girlfriend slip on her new shoes

Serves her right for leaving them laying on the floor
November 14, 2025 at 5:53 AM
My friend attends medieval battle reenactments dressed as a Knight of the Round table

Lancelot?

Yes, and a bit of sword fighting
November 13, 2025 at 12:20 PM
I've hired a Prostitute to entertain people at a Medieval reenactment

She says she doesn't mind working during the day, but she won't do Knights
November 13, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Gary, got advice for my Girlfriend, when she's in the gym she struggles with a push-up

Should she get a sports bra instead ?
November 12, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Went to the Gym and the assistant said I was fat, useless and my tracksuit was awful

He was a very Personal Trainer
November 12, 2025 at 11:20 AM
I'm beach body ready

Well, I'm washed up
November 12, 2025 at 8:01 AM
Asked Elton John to paint my front door while I was at work, he hadn't finished when I got back

He said "I'm still Sanding"
November 12, 2025 at 7:54 AM
The windows are looking a bit nervous too
November 12, 2025 at 7:52 AM
As my friend recovers from illness he's putting less and less water in his orange squash

He's going from strength to strength
November 10, 2025 at 12:10 PM
At some point someone's going to make a joke about Bondage Porn

It's bound to come
November 10, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Did you know there's a Welsh version of that porn subscription site

It's Only Ifans
November 10, 2025 at 12:07 PM
Yesterday my Wife asked me to put the washing out

Don't know why she set fire to it in the first place
November 9, 2025 at 1:24 PM
Thank you, and on that subject

Marionette-What happens after you're engaged to Annette

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
November 9, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Toilet has a P in it

No,it doesn't

Yes it does, I haven't flushed
November 9, 2025 at 1:12 PM
It's okay, most of my jokes are dirty
November 9, 2025 at 1:10 PM
Paranoid-Piles caused by skydiving

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
November 9, 2025 at 11:44 AM
My Dyslexic mate has a phobia about Clowns

He can't look at a picture of the Queen in her regalia
November 9, 2025 at 11:43 AM