Feel Like A Ghost
@feel-like-a-ghost.bsky.social
👻 Hi this is Wiseman's personal account for talky stuff, NSFW and basically self therapy journaling.
Forgive my sad posting. I'm alright, just clearing my head.
A lot comes back to me this time of year, and I remember how I tried to cope without being properly medicated and like... the compound of years and years, near the end of the year.
Probably why the anxiety is bad these times.
A lot comes back to me this time of year, and I remember how I tried to cope without being properly medicated and like... the compound of years and years, near the end of the year.
Probably why the anxiety is bad these times.
November 28, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Forgive my sad posting. I'm alright, just clearing my head.
A lot comes back to me this time of year, and I remember how I tried to cope without being properly medicated and like... the compound of years and years, near the end of the year.
Probably why the anxiety is bad these times.
A lot comes back to me this time of year, and I remember how I tried to cope without being properly medicated and like... the compound of years and years, near the end of the year.
Probably why the anxiety is bad these times.
I ended up having to take some kratom because I don't take/have painkillers and tbh, I don't really want to.
If I can help it. Addiction runs in the family and having chronic pain... I've been down that road before.
If I can help it. Addiction runs in the family and having chronic pain... I've been down that road before.
November 28, 2025 at 2:43 AM
I ended up having to take some kratom because I don't take/have painkillers and tbh, I don't really want to.
If I can help it. Addiction runs in the family and having chronic pain... I've been down that road before.
If I can help it. Addiction runs in the family and having chronic pain... I've been down that road before.
This was after I cleaned the whole bathroom. I'm exhausted.
I love my mom but her stubbornness knows no bounds and makes her do dumbass type shit.
I get to look forward to cleaning up after the Thanksgiving cooking messes and all.
I love my mom but her stubbornness knows no bounds and makes her do dumbass type shit.
I get to look forward to cleaning up after the Thanksgiving cooking messes and all.
November 28, 2025 at 2:38 AM
This was after I cleaned the whole bathroom. I'm exhausted.
I love my mom but her stubbornness knows no bounds and makes her do dumbass type shit.
I get to look forward to cleaning up after the Thanksgiving cooking messes and all.
I love my mom but her stubbornness knows no bounds and makes her do dumbass type shit.
I get to look forward to cleaning up after the Thanksgiving cooking messes and all.
Okay so my mom decided to get the turkey out the back fridge on her own and basically spilled raw turkey juice all inside there and I spent today cleaning and disenfecting the damn thing.
Happy Thanksgiving lol
Happy Thanksgiving lol
November 28, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Okay so my mom decided to get the turkey out the back fridge on her own and basically spilled raw turkey juice all inside there and I spent today cleaning and disenfecting the damn thing.
Happy Thanksgiving lol
Happy Thanksgiving lol
I'm so spoiled by technology that I don't have any right to complain about iPad kids when I'm switching from my iPad to my desktop to my laptop constantly through out the day.
And then I'm listening to YouTube or whatever while I am doing house chores...
And then I'm listening to YouTube or whatever while I am doing house chores...
October 14, 2025 at 11:58 PM
I'm so spoiled by technology that I don't have any right to complain about iPad kids when I'm switching from my iPad to my desktop to my laptop constantly through out the day.
And then I'm listening to YouTube or whatever while I am doing house chores...
And then I'm listening to YouTube or whatever while I am doing house chores...
I failed to tell either my doctor or therapist about my regular talk to myself in the mirror about how no one is coming to save me and thus I NEED to do this for myself kinda thing which does actually help me get through shit.
It's definitely not "soft love" though
I've always been tough on myself.
It's definitely not "soft love" though
I've always been tough on myself.
October 13, 2025 at 6:07 PM
I failed to tell either my doctor or therapist about my regular talk to myself in the mirror about how no one is coming to save me and thus I NEED to do this for myself kinda thing which does actually help me get through shit.
It's definitely not "soft love" though
I've always been tough on myself.
It's definitely not "soft love" though
I've always been tough on myself.
When I went to my doctor last friday, she said
"You're taking care of everyone else, but who is taking care of you?"
And I was like... lol.. I don't exact have a partner or friends to fall back on. I'm just kinda dealing with it.
"You're taking care of everyone else, but who is taking care of you?"
And I was like... lol.. I don't exact have a partner or friends to fall back on. I'm just kinda dealing with it.
October 13, 2025 at 5:03 AM
When I went to my doctor last friday, she said
"You're taking care of everyone else, but who is taking care of you?"
And I was like... lol.. I don't exact have a partner or friends to fall back on. I'm just kinda dealing with it.
"You're taking care of everyone else, but who is taking care of you?"
And I was like... lol.. I don't exact have a partner or friends to fall back on. I'm just kinda dealing with it.
Gonna have to use Lyft to take Chris to his appointment tomorrow and thankfully I have the money to do that but still nervous about having Chris in a car with a stranger and not knowing how that's gonna go...
September 25, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Gonna have to use Lyft to take Chris to his appointment tomorrow and thankfully I have the money to do that but still nervous about having Chris in a car with a stranger and not knowing how that's gonna go...
So mom is home now and there was just a scare of blood clot and I feel bad for worrying anyone but all her scans came back fine, she was able to come home and I passed out a bit after.
I'm still glad she actually went, she's very stubborn about that.
I'm still glad she actually went, she's very stubborn about that.
September 24, 2025 at 1:53 PM
So mom is home now and there was just a scare of blood clot and I feel bad for worrying anyone but all her scans came back fine, she was able to come home and I passed out a bit after.
I'm still glad she actually went, she's very stubborn about that.
I'm still glad she actually went, she's very stubborn about that.
Apparently mom has a blood clot, nothing broken.
I am SO GLAD she actually went to the hospital this time holy shit.
I am SO GLAD she actually went to the hospital this time holy shit.
September 23, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Apparently mom has a blood clot, nothing broken.
I am SO GLAD she actually went to the hospital this time holy shit.
I am SO GLAD she actually went to the hospital this time holy shit.
Well... Had to get an ambulance for mom because she was unable to move on her own.
So it's definitely worse than I thought and she'll be back in the hospital for some time.
Sigh.
So it's definitely worse than I thought and she'll be back in the hospital for some time.
Sigh.
September 23, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Well... Had to get an ambulance for mom because she was unable to move on her own.
So it's definitely worse than I thought and she'll be back in the hospital for some time.
Sigh.
So it's definitely worse than I thought and she'll be back in the hospital for some time.
Sigh.
Mom is getting an X-ray tomorrow so we can see what the damage is.
I hope it's not bad.
I want to catch a break. I hate to see my family in pain.
God I wish I had fucking MONEY.
I hope it's not bad.
I want to catch a break. I hate to see my family in pain.
God I wish I had fucking MONEY.
September 23, 2025 at 3:46 AM
Mom is getting an X-ray tomorrow so we can see what the damage is.
I hope it's not bad.
I want to catch a break. I hate to see my family in pain.
God I wish I had fucking MONEY.
I hope it's not bad.
I want to catch a break. I hate to see my family in pain.
God I wish I had fucking MONEY.
In a really bad mood because mom fell again because she was drinking and like what am I supposed to do... She drinks and then she falls and we have to worry if she made her hip worse or broken some bones or some shit.
I'm so pissed
I'm so pissed
September 22, 2025 at 6:45 PM
In a really bad mood because mom fell again because she was drinking and like what am I supposed to do... She drinks and then she falls and we have to worry if she made her hip worse or broken some bones or some shit.
I'm so pissed
I'm so pissed
There's such a strange mix of me being worried my mom's getting the dementia or she's just so used to gaslighting me all my life she does it pathologically or some shit
September 19, 2025 at 12:51 AM
There's such a strange mix of me being worried my mom's getting the dementia or she's just so used to gaslighting me all my life she does it pathologically or some shit
I told mom I was getting Chris some new pants because the elastic is wore the fuck out on all of them and she tried to tell me they don't fit because he's losing weight and not acknowledging me wanting to replace his clothes...
I was like no, the elasticity is wore out on all the wasitbands
🤦♀️
I was like no, the elasticity is wore out on all the wasitbands
🤦♀️
September 19, 2025 at 12:48 AM
I told mom I was getting Chris some new pants because the elastic is wore the fuck out on all of them and she tried to tell me they don't fit because he's losing weight and not acknowledging me wanting to replace his clothes...
I was like no, the elasticity is wore out on all the wasitbands
🤦♀️
I was like no, the elasticity is wore out on all the wasitbands
🤦♀️
I dunno what else to say.
The idea of love is nice.
The reality is I'm often too much for myself and need to be around people that bring me comfort or I'll fall apart
The idea of love is nice.
The reality is I'm often too much for myself and need to be around people that bring me comfort or I'll fall apart
September 16, 2025 at 6:20 AM
I dunno what else to say.
The idea of love is nice.
The reality is I'm often too much for myself and need to be around people that bring me comfort or I'll fall apart
The idea of love is nice.
The reality is I'm often too much for myself and need to be around people that bring me comfort or I'll fall apart
In better news, things have really been good for me mentally and physically. I got a new bed and certainly resting easier.
Mom is recovering and walking, I love to see it. My brothers are doing well, mom is able to bathe and feed Chris, Michael has been helping me out
Mom is recovering and walking, I love to see it. My brothers are doing well, mom is able to bathe and feed Chris, Michael has been helping me out
September 14, 2025 at 9:12 PM
In better news, things have really been good for me mentally and physically. I got a new bed and certainly resting easier.
Mom is recovering and walking, I love to see it. My brothers are doing well, mom is able to bathe and feed Chris, Michael has been helping me out
Mom is recovering and walking, I love to see it. My brothers are doing well, mom is able to bathe and feed Chris, Michael has been helping me out
I think I am getting sick, it hurts to swallow my own damn saliva.
That sounds gross sorry. but it's also giving me inner ear ache
That sounds gross sorry. but it's also giving me inner ear ache
July 26, 2025 at 3:11 AM
I think I am getting sick, it hurts to swallow my own damn saliva.
That sounds gross sorry. but it's also giving me inner ear ache
That sounds gross sorry. but it's also giving me inner ear ache
I have gained so much weight since all of this
I bet mostly cause I eat the easiest foods to make that take no time or I don't have to stand there.
Because I stay BUSY for sure lol
Kinda depressed about it, what can ya do
I bet mostly cause I eat the easiest foods to make that take no time or I don't have to stand there.
Because I stay BUSY for sure lol
Kinda depressed about it, what can ya do
July 23, 2025 at 4:53 AM
I have gained so much weight since all of this
I bet mostly cause I eat the easiest foods to make that take no time or I don't have to stand there.
Because I stay BUSY for sure lol
Kinda depressed about it, what can ya do
I bet mostly cause I eat the easiest foods to make that take no time or I don't have to stand there.
Because I stay BUSY for sure lol
Kinda depressed about it, what can ya do
My ex's roommate was filthy & he kept his room a mess with moutain dew cans + bottles all over. Food containers & bags, etc. It's like he never threw out his own trash or took it to the dumpster, right?
Nothing stopping him from getting trash bags & walking to the gd dumpster
Nothing stopping him from getting trash bags & walking to the gd dumpster
July 20, 2025 at 1:07 AM
My ex's roommate was filthy & he kept his room a mess with moutain dew cans + bottles all over. Food containers & bags, etc. It's like he never threw out his own trash or took it to the dumpster, right?
Nothing stopping him from getting trash bags & walking to the gd dumpster
Nothing stopping him from getting trash bags & walking to the gd dumpster
The only guy I ever dated that had his shit sorted and kept his place looking nice and not a fucking dump was black and that's all I'm saying okay.
When I have guy white friends I'm like... Yo can we just meet up somewhere lol
When I have guy white friends I'm like... Yo can we just meet up somewhere lol
July 20, 2025 at 12:56 AM
The only guy I ever dated that had his shit sorted and kept his place looking nice and not a fucking dump was black and that's all I'm saying okay.
When I have guy white friends I'm like... Yo can we just meet up somewhere lol
When I have guy white friends I'm like... Yo can we just meet up somewhere lol
If you want companionship please at least keep up with your hygiene.
Like I'm sorry.
Going to visit males is like
www.instagram.com/reel/DLgFvnr...
Like I'm sorry.
Going to visit males is like
www.instagram.com/reel/DLgFvnr...
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July 20, 2025 at 12:43 AM
If you want companionship please at least keep up with your hygiene.
Like I'm sorry.
Going to visit males is like
www.instagram.com/reel/DLgFvnr...
Like I'm sorry.
Going to visit males is like
www.instagram.com/reel/DLgFvnr...
Honestly my mom didn't "stay for the kids"
She stayed because she couldn't make it on her own and she knew it.
Nobody wants to date a single mom with 3 kids barely making it pay check to pay check either.
That's just reality.
I forgive her. Despite everything.
She stayed because she couldn't make it on her own and she knew it.
Nobody wants to date a single mom with 3 kids barely making it pay check to pay check either.
That's just reality.
I forgive her. Despite everything.
July 19, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Honestly my mom didn't "stay for the kids"
She stayed because she couldn't make it on her own and she knew it.
Nobody wants to date a single mom with 3 kids barely making it pay check to pay check either.
That's just reality.
I forgive her. Despite everything.
She stayed because she couldn't make it on her own and she knew it.
Nobody wants to date a single mom with 3 kids barely making it pay check to pay check either.
That's just reality.
I forgive her. Despite everything.
I got myself this Sephiroth. Sephiroth is the one true thing I allow myself to buy things just for nostalgia or childhood feeling.
But I'm glad I chose FF7.
It's my folks favorite and was very informative to me growing up!
But I'm glad I chose FF7.
It's my folks favorite and was very informative to me growing up!
July 16, 2025 at 6:35 AM
I got myself this Sephiroth. Sephiroth is the one true thing I allow myself to buy things just for nostalgia or childhood feeling.
But I'm glad I chose FF7.
It's my folks favorite and was very informative to me growing up!
But I'm glad I chose FF7.
It's my folks favorite and was very informative to me growing up!
This year has been so stressful but guess what!!
I've already grown and know more and have better people in my life now, and the good ones have stayed!!!
I've already grown and know more and have better people in my life now, and the good ones have stayed!!!
July 16, 2025 at 6:06 AM
This year has been so stressful but guess what!!
I've already grown and know more and have better people in my life now, and the good ones have stayed!!!
I've already grown and know more and have better people in my life now, and the good ones have stayed!!!