Rev. Alcyone Daze
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facilitatrix.bsky.social
Rev. Alcyone Daze
@facilitatrix.bsky.social
440 followers 400 following 3.1K posts
3 aeons in a trenchcoat.

Accused of the Devil's work & praised for the LORD's work with roughly equal frequency; for legal & safety reasons it's just me on the business cards.

Hedge priest, raconteur, bioethicist, part-time psychopomp. 🔞. (Ey/em/eir)
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facilitatrix.bsky.social
Love learning that Daughter From California syndrome has regional variants.
"Daughter from California" syndrome is a phrase used in the American medical profession to describe a situation in which a hitherto disengaged relative challenges the care a dying elderly patient is being given, or insists that the medical team pursue aggressive measures to prolong the patient's life. In California, the "Daughter from California" is known as the "Daughter from New York";[1] the "Daughter from Ontario" is a Canadian variant.[2]: 396: Editor's note to the title.  The "Daughter from California" is often described as angry, articulate, and uninformed.[3] The phrase was first documented by a collective of gerontologists in a 1991 case report published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, titled "Decision Making in the Incompetent Elderly: 'The Daughter from California Syndrome'".[2] In the paper, David Molloy and colleagues presented strategies intended to help medical staff deal with the difficult family members of mentally incompetent patients.[4] Medical professionals say that because the "Daughter from California" has been absent from the life and care of the elderly patient, they are frequently surprised by the scale of the patient's deterioration, and may have unrealistic expectations about what is medically feasible. They may feel guilty about having been absent, and may therefore feel motivated to reassert their role as an involved caregiver.[5] In his 2015 book The Conversation: A Revolutionary Plan for End-of-Life Care, American physician Angelo Volandes ascribes this to "guilt and denial" rather than "necessarily what is best for the patient".[6]
November 8, 2025 at 5:18 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(Part 2 of 2)
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives. And you'll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they'll be comforted to know your energy's still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen.
November 1, 2025 at 8:45 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
And wrapping up #DIYandDie for the year, one last bit of irreverence for All Saint's Day. (1 of 2)
[images throughout these posts are of 50s retro illustrations of the solar system, with sort of retrofuturistic sci-fi fonts] PLANNING AHEAD CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE END By: Aaron Freeman Transcribed by A. Daze, DIYandDie, 2025 You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got. And at one point you'd hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
November 1, 2025 at 8:45 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
I didn’t intend for us to coordinate, but we still need the other five deadly sins…
Alc, looking tired as hell in a sloth kigurumi, because ey were the only person on a 30-coworker “show us your Halloween costume” zoom call to actually be in costume. The Santa Muerte ey painted is in the background, with a festive marigold flower crown. Phoebe, a brown and white mackerel tabby, is frantically licking a Churu while wearing a little rainbow bandana that says WRATH.
October 31, 2025 at 11:05 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(4 of 4)
Happy Halloween, everyone.
Keep the fires lit. Keep the porch lights on.
Walk each other home.
May we do our best to make you proud. May you be with us as we strive, close as seed to fruit, breath to bone. Welcome home, beloved living. [Image is a black and white photo of headstones that are weathered enough that several have begun to tilt and sink back into the earth.] There will be a reckoning, and when you are an ancestor your story will be told. May it be brave, worth telling. Nothing is done. Nothing is gone. Nothing is over. [Image is of sidewalk chalk spiderwebs, one of which has a spider dangling from it.] May the door be open to the best things that the truth could mean, and not the worst. Put a little light out for those lost out there on the roads of night. Light the fires that need to burn. Let's all get home together. [Image is of a lit jack-o-lantern crowned with a spiky halo of green light] And at the monster hour, when the dead come knocking, please friends, offer them something sweet. You'll be joining them soon enough. [Image is of sidewalk-chalk jack-o-lanterns and assorted bones.]
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(Part 3 of 4)
That leaves us with work (and joy yet to be found) in our lifetimes, and with more work (and more joy) for whoever (and whatever) comes after it.
Find the strength that made you. May the insight, courage, power, and hope of our beloved dead be with us as we fight, especially here in the hour when they are so very close. [Image is a sketch of a witch's hat resting against a broom.] For all for which they wish to atone, let that reparation be fulfilled and justice made. For all their brave victories, let them be increased. [Image is a dark background with two twisted trees mirroring one another to frame the bright green text.] May we the living, here in the shadow of those who preceded us in life and death, honor them by using our lives well, and meet them proudly. [Image is of two people dressed as sheet ghosts playing on a swingset. One is waving and holding a bucket of candy under their arm. The other is pointing at the camera.] For our families, those gone, and here, and yet to come— For the families of those who shame them by serving evil ideologies— For living hope— Welcome home, beloved dead. [Image is the text wrapped in an ectoplasm green speech bubble, being spoken by a little sidewalk-chalk sketch of a sheet ghost.]
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(2 of 4)
According to my notes this was written in 2018.
It feels like it could've been written yesterday.
It feels like it's always been true, though.
It feels like it always will be.
When you meet the dead out walking, offer them hospitality and honor. And ask, politely, for help getting the living free. They still care. [Image of a cartoon headstone with green light radiating from it like a halo.] Imagine having to watch your descendants go through this era. You'd want to help your living family, too. They work through us. Welcome them. [Image is a faded photograph of a full moon through tree branches.] Our work while we live is us, as ancestors, aiding our future descendants. Feeding them. Making their lives possible. As it was done for us. [Image is a pseudo-vintage photo of kids in costume—a Maleficent-looking witch, a devil with a pitchfork, and an angel.] What we are will be in the care of those left to come. What the dead were, good and bad, is in our care now. [Image is of an old cemetery in winter; there's a green tinge to the photo and several weathered headstones make interesting shadows.]
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
Today's #DIYandDie is a graphic adaptation of a thread @burnlittlelight.bsky.social put on Twitter years ago and which I have been carrying around in the closest approximation I have to a grimoire for years.
HALLOWEEN PRAYER By: Rev. Elena Rose, @burnlittlelight.bsky.social Wrestled into graphic form by Rev. Alcyone Daze, @facilitatrix.bsky.social [Note: Almost all of the graphics here are a mix of pseudo-vintage photographs and sidewalk-chalk-esque drawings in shades of neon green, white, and dappled charcoal, and black. This features a little sketch of a skull with a spiky neon green halo of light emanating from its brow.]
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
Part 4 of 4.
So where do we find our comfort and strength in times of mourning? We want our comfort to be evidence-based and scientific. Grieving parents may be comforted by knowledge from a 2012 study published in Scientific American that showed that cells from a child live on in their mother’s brain. Similarly, while often delivered tongue-in-cheek, the law of conservation of energy means that “not a bit of our [loved ones are] gone, [they’re] just less orderly.” We want our comfort to be true as well as kind. We want to remember and share the very real ways in which our loved ones’ lives continue to impact the world around us. Honoring our loved ones through actions, particularly actions which give ongoing benefit to others, provide grieving nonbelievers with a sense that their loved ones’ lives mattered and continue to matter, despite the totality and finality of their loss. We want to be able to share the stories and memories of the ones we loved. Storytelling and the sharing of photos and mementos is another form comfort common in our community. To show a picture of a loved one and hear it praised and remarked on just plain feels good. Often, grieving people have been made to feel uncomfortable when they continue to talk about someone who has died when others want to move on or change the subject. Being among those similarly situated frees them to share memories and feelings for as long as they need to. While this comfort is also common among believers, nonbelievers appreciate a place to engage in mourning and celebrating a loved one without risking religious or spiritual commentary. Finally, we appreciate the collective acknowledgement that grief just plain sucks. We don’t want to be cheered up or encouraged to heal, get over it, or move on. We want to express our pain and have it witnessed with compassion and kindness.
October 30, 2025 at 4:37 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
Part 3 of 4.
5. We may have experienced additional trauma related to our nonbelief. The losses we grieve may have been accompanied by harm beyond simple misunderstanding or inappropriate comfort, such as: A priest’s aggressive deathbed pressure on their atheist parent Religious family who insisted that God would miraculously save a terminally-ill child Strangers gossiping that a loved one’s death was caused by a nonbeliever’s apostasy The imposition of religion before or after a death can inflict additional trauma on top of the loss, which can lead to the need for additional time and space to process feelings of shame, anger, despair, or older fears borne from a religious upbringing. 6. We find comfort in reason, science, philosophy, and compassion. The myth that without religion or spirituality there is no comfort for grief is pervasive in mainstream grief writing, though it is not always stated so clearly. Even in the secular community, it is a common misconception that without an afterlife belief, there is no comfort for the grieving. In fact, a grieving nonbeliever may or may not have identified ideas and thoughts that comfort them in their grief. While there are many humanist and freethought philosophies that have helped countless nonbelievers through the sorrow of bereavement, these ideas are often more difficult than the platitudes that can be found in any drugstore greeting card aisle. Even longtime atheists might find themselves lost when faced with the death of a beloved friend or family member. One of the benefits of secular peer-to-peer support, whether in person or online, is the potential to teach each other ideas that may ease the pain of grief.
October 30, 2025 at 4:37 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
Part 2 of 4.
2. We believe that the reason for our loved one’s death can be explained rationally and without supernatural intervention. Our loss wasn’t God’s plan, fate, or something that happened “for a reason.” It was cancer, old age, a violent attack, a tragic accident, suicide, a random birth defect, an overdose, a medical mistake, some sort of natural or human-caused phenomenon that resulted in death. Maybe we know the reason, the series of events that led to the death. Maybe our knowledge is incomplete. But we know that no supernatural force, conscious or not, caused our loved one to be taken from us. This knowledge may make nonbelievers feel better or worse. For some, the not knowing may be agonizing. But for many, rejecting the idea that a higher power could have saved their loved one and chose not to is a relief. Regardless, grieving nonbelievers are likely to have been told by believers that their loss happened for a reason. Some have even been told what that reason is by someone who presumes to know, and often the reason is offensive, whether they are informed that God needed another angel or that a “psychic” friend has heard the reason directly from the spirit of the deceased. 3. We do not pray and do not believe that the prayers of others benefit us. Prayer, solitary or communal, is a traditional comfort for religious people. While many nonbelievers find it comforting to know that we are in the thoughts of our religious or spiritual friends and family, it is the human love and concern that helps, not the myth of divine support or intervention. Some nonreligious people even find offers of prayer or encouragement to pray insulting and dismissive of their grief, particularly if the proponent of prayer knows that the grieving person does not believe. 4. We may or may not have access to appropriate grief support Some grieving nonbelievers have secular family or community. These people may not understand grief, but they aren’t offering inappropriate comforts or projecting their own beliefs. Whatever mistakes they make, however often they make an insensitive comment or forget to call, they understand death in the same way as the person who is grieving. Others are surrounded solely or primarily by people of faith. Even in a region that seems predominantly non-religious, the community and family who surround a particular person may be religious, and even non-sectarian grief support frequently involves the assumption that everyone has some sort of afterlife belief. (Don’t assume that programming found at nonreligious hospitals and hospices is free of spiritual content.)
October 30, 2025 at 4:37 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
For October 30th, a resource from Rebecca Hensler's "Grief Beyond Belief," which offers grief support for nonbelievers, atheists, and skeptics of all stripes. Visit GriefBeyondBelief.org for additional information. (1 of 4)
[Backgrounds throughout are naturescapes in black and white and not related to the text.] COMMON FACTORS IN SECULAR GRIEF Adapted from "The Secular Grief Support Handbook" by Rebecca Hensler Transcribed by A. Daze for DIYandDie, 2025 1. We believe that death is total and permanent. Believers find comfort in the idea that they remain connected with the soul or spirit of their loved one and/or that they will be reunited at some point in the future; we do not. While many, many nonbelievers have considered the possibility, indulged in daydreams, or experienced grief hallucinations, most of us come to the conclusion that the loss we grieve is complete and final. Nothing of our loved one’s consciousness exists after death, and we will not see them again. We are grieving a total loss, rather than a partial or temporary one. This may or may not hurt more than the believer's version; it certainly hurts *differently.* One difference is that we need other forms of comfort than believing we will see our loved one again or can somehow communicate with them. We seek—and share with each other—comforting ideas that do not depend on an eventual reunion or contact. A second difference is that we think rationally about the irrational thoughts, experiences, and behaviors we experience. When we speak with the deceased—as many of us do—it is with the knowledge that their consciousness no longer exists to hear us. When we think we see our loved one in a familiar spot, we can understand that this is a misinterpretation of what we actually see (sometimes referred to as a pareidolia), not a ghost or spirit. When we hear our loved one’s favorite song on the radio, we recognize it as a coincidence, not a sign. Thirdly, the knowledge that someone we loved is just dead can be brutally hard to live with, compared to the belief that they are in a better place. Believers are comforted by the idea that even though they are suffering, the person they lost is in paradise. As nonbelievers, we learn to take comfort in the thought that our loved one is in no pain. In addition, believers sometimes hurt nonbelievers when they project their own faith in an afterlife on them. We are often told things like Your baby is in heaven, You’ll be together again someday, or It’s a sign from your husband. To many nonbelievers, these all sound like Your overwhelming pain at the total loss is not real. One benefit of grieving with other nonbelievers is freedom from what often feels like a dismissal of the depths of our anguish.
October 30, 2025 at 4:37 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
And a bonus for yesterday's graphics—questions to consider when filing advance directives.
[Black background, abstract swirl painting in shades of red, turquoise and burnt orange up the left side] FRAMING QUESTIONS FOR ADVANCE DIRECTIVES 1. What kind of things are most important to you? (Alternatively, what makes you happy? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What are you looking forward to? For significant illness: Is there a special occasion coming up that you would do anything to make sure you are present for? What is most important to you if your time is limited? How important is it to you to be at home when you die?) 2. Do you have any beliefs that guide you when you make medical decisions? (For significant illness, what are the important things that you want your family, friends, and/or doctors to understand about your wishes for end-of-life care?) 3. What fears do you have about getting sick or needing medical care? 4. If you were very sick are there any specific medical treatments that might be too much for you? Alternatively, If you had to choose between the length of your life and the quality of your life, which would be more important to you? Are there certain symptoms (such as severe nausea and pain) that are difficult but that you are willing to accept? For significant illness: Would any symptoms make life not. worth living? Would you want to avoid pain at all costs, even if you might not be able to interact with others? How important is it to you to live as long as possible, even if it means that you would experience pain and suffering?
October 30, 2025 at 4:09 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(Part 4 of 4) Sit down with your chosen family, have these conversations, fill these out, and file them. Giving people an idea of how to help you when you can't help yourself and being able to advocate for your loved ones when they can't are *extremely pragmatic and extremely powerful acts of love.*
WHAT DO I DO WITH MY COMPLETED ADVANCE DIRECTIVES? Your advance directives need to travel with you as you receive medical care in different settings. After you have completed a living will and/or health care proxy form, you should make several copies. Give a copy to your health care proxy, to your primary care provider, and to close family members or friends. Keep the original in a safe place at home where it can be easily found, and make sure to let people know where it is located. If you do not have any close family members or friends, it is important that you share your advance directives with your primary care provider. You should also find out if you can file your advance directives at your local hospital in case you are admitted there in the future. Give your health care team a copy of your advance directives so that they can include them as part of your medical record. The development of online registries of advance directives may make accessing these documents easier in the future for patients, families, and health care providers. Although there are still concerns about the security and privacy of cloud-based services, being able to leverage technology in this fashion to help preserve patients’ wishes is promising. CAN I CHANGE MY ADVANCE DIRECTIVES? You can cancel or change anything in your advance directives at any time for any reason. Different states have different rules about how to do this. Find out what is needed in your state to properly make changes. Remember, there are no right or wrong choices when it comes to advance directives, only choices that are right or wrong for you. Please take the time to start thinking about these issues now. This guide can’t possibly address all of the different issues that might come up during these discussions, and it is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have a specific question or problem, please talk to a medical or legal professional for guidance. For more information, visit the National Institute of Health and the National Institute of Nursing Research.
October 29, 2025 at 4:42 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(Part 3 of 4) And here's why I give a shit: every state has a fairly consistent chain-of-command for who makes decisions on your behalf in the event of an emergency. If you aren't married & are estranged from your biological family, *your friends can't help you without legal paperwork*
HOW DO I CHOOSE A HEALTH CARE PROXY? 1. Make sure your health care proxy understands your values and wishes. It’s important that you choose someone who will make decisions that you are comfortable with. Make sure that this person knows you well, understands what is important to you, and could handle the responsibility of making medical decisions for you. Take the time to talk about these sensitive issues. This may be uncomfortable at first, but it’s important that your spokesperson be able to make decisions that honor you and your wishes. 2. Make sure your health care proxy will act on your wishes. It’s important to pick someone who will follow your wishes and is able to separate their feelings from yours. You might find out that your health care proxy has different views about treatment choices. Ask them “Will you be able to respect my wishes even if you may not agree with them?” A health care proxy needs to be a strong advocate on your behalf. They may need to be persistent and forceful and ask questions in order to get the information needed to make decisions. Even though your proxy has the legal right to make decisions about your medical care, it may be difficult for them to do so if your family members are not in agreement. It is important that you ask your proxy whether they could handle a situation in which there might be conflicting opinions between loved ones and/or medical personnel. Make sure your proxy feels comfortable accepting this sort of responsibility. 3. Make sure your health care proxy is available when you need them. Although having a family member as a health care proxy is often a good choice, it is not always the best choice. A friend who knows you well and lives in the same city as you might be a better choice than a family member you see rarely or who lives far away. Pick someone who is close to you and who you can easily get in contact with to talk about your decisions. Your wishes and values might change over time, especially after experiences in the hospital. It’s important that your spokesperson be available to discuss these issues on a periodic basis and as often as you need to.
October 29, 2025 at 4:42 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(Part 2 of 4) Advance directives & living wills vary from state-to-state, largely in terms of who needs to sign them. The Order of the Good Death has some additional considerations specifically for trans folks, and Compassion & Choices will link you to broader considerations for queer families.
WHAT IS A LIVING WILL? A living will is a document that explains what medical treatments you would want if you become very sick and are unable to speak for yourself. It may be called something else depending on what state you live in. It may be a standard form, and there are different kinds of living wills that you can download from the internet. For example, in a living will you can provide instructions about CPR, breathing machines, and other medical treatments. If you have any questions about what treatments you may or may not want, you should talk to your primary care doctor. You do not need a lawyer to make a living will. There are, however, certain rules that must be followed to make the living will valid. If you feel that your wishes cannot be expressed to your satisfaction by a standard form, then you might want to have a lawyer help you create a document specifically for you. NOTE BENE It’s important to understand that a living will is different from a will and testament. It does not deal with the handling of your finances or property. It deals only with medical issues while you are alive. A will and testament is for your estate. A living will is for your medical decisions. WHAT IS A HEALTH CARE PROXY? The term health care proxy might have a different name in your state, such as health care surrogate, health care agent, or durable power of attorney for health care. Your health care proxy is your spokesperson and is designated on a health care proxy form, which both the patient and the proxy have to sign. * Your proxy must follow your oral and written instructions, and they can make medical decisions for you if you are too ill or injured to speak for yourself. You can also delegate decision-making to your proxy even if you are able to make your own decisions. Some people want their proxy to speak for them even when they still have the ability to speak for themselves. Simply naming someone to be your health care proxy is not enough. It’s important that you have a real conversation about your values and priorities. Your health care proxy may have to make important medical decisions. Take the time to make sure they are prepared. Your proxy deserves to understand and know what is important to you and how you think about the use of medical treatments at the end of life. * Some forms also include signatures for witnesses.
October 29, 2025 at 4:42 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
For October 29th, a topic really near and dear to my heart. If I'm wearing my fancy bioethics hat, yes, duh, everyone should have an advance directive, but *I genuinely believe* that if you are trans this should be some of the first paperwork you file with your doctor or make accessible to friends.
[Note: The images in this presentation are unrelated. Abstract art and geometric cutouts.] Taking Control: Completing Your Advance Directives Taken from "The Conversation" by Dr. Angelo Volandes, Transcribed by S. Euphemeo for DIYandDie 2025 INTRODUCTION Over the course of your life, you’ have been able to make many important choices. Being able to make these choices has been a basic part of who you are as a person. Many of us take for granted that we will always be able to make our own decisions. But in life there are things that we may not be able to control—like getting sick. And sometimes, when people are very sick, they are not able to make decisions about medical care. Advance directives are documents that can help make sure that you get the medical care you desire. You might not be facing any serious medical issues right now. Maybe you haven’t thought much about what might happen if you become very sick. But, in some ways, our health is a lot like the weather. You might not know a storm is brewing or when it might hit. And once it hits, it’s too late to get ready. Advance planning helps you—and your family and friends—weather the storm. That’s why it’s important to talk to your loved ones and health care provider about the type of medical care you would want before the storm hits. These plans assure everyone that the care you receive would be the care that you want. WHAT IS AN ADVANCE DIRECTIVE? An advance directive is a legal document. It explains what type of medical care you would want in the event you are unable to speak for yourself. It can also say who would speak for you if this happened. Advance directives generally come in two variants. A living will is a written document that explains what your wishes are for medical care. A health care proxy form says who you want to have the authority to make medical decisions for you. Sometimes, these documents are combined into one form. Although a living will can help reduce confusion about your treatment choices, it is still only a guide. It cannot predict every possible circumstance in which a medical decision may need to be made. Having an informed health care proxy can help make sure that your wishes are being honored. If you decide to have both documents, you should make sure that they don’t conflict.
October 29, 2025 at 4:42 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
For October 28th, a poem I only came across relatively recently.
Sono's Death Poem (Mona "Sono" Santacroce, written in hospice) [Image is of a pier looking out into the sunset] Don’t just stand there with your hair turning gray, Soon enough the seas will sink your little island So while there is still the illusion of time, Set out for another shore. No sense packing a bag. You won’t be able to lift it into your boat. Give away all your collections. Take only new seeds and an old stick. Send out some prayers on the wind before you sail. Don’t be afraid. Someone knows you’re coming. An extra fish has been salted.
October 28, 2025 at 4:30 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
In 2009 my Bible campers got me a walking stick because I was “the counselor most likely to become a wizard” and it turns out…
Alc in a red velvet dress with a plunging neckline and hood, a belt made of deer spine, and holding a big fuck-off stick. Eir top surgery scar is visible and ey’re wearing a black respirator bedazzled with sigils
October 27, 2025 at 8:28 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(3/3) Happy spooky season, y'all. Mourn the dead, fight like hell for the living, and light a candle to welcome both back home now that the days are getting darker.
TENET 5 I believe that the laws that govern death, dying, and end-of-life care should ensure that a person's wishes are honored, regardless of sexual, gender, racial, or religious identity. TENET 6 I believe that my death should be handled in a way that does not do great harm to the environment. [Three images in a collage here—a body wrapped in a shroud, waiting to be buried among some Joshua Trees, a body wrapped in a body bag and strapped down to a rolling gurney, being taken through the woods on a body farm, and a mound of an experimental mixture of compost. (There might be a body in that last one, but hopefully there is not—this is from the early tests of fertilizer mixes for natural organic reduction.) TENET 7 I believe that my family and friends should know my end of life wishes, and that I should have the necessary paperwork to back up those wishes. [Image is of a cremated skull cracking open and a beautiful plume of light, almost gust of wind or tree-of-life like in its rendering, ascending into the smoke column] TENET 8 I believe that my open, honest advocacy around death *can* make a different and *can* change culture. [Image is an illustration of a cemetery during Dia de Los Muertos. There are candles illuminating various graves and people gathering with various offerings.]
October 27, 2025 at 4:06 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(2/3) If you've never encountered these tenets before, visit orderofthegooddeath.com to learn more about what death positivity is (and what it isn't!) and to read essays and watch videos dispelling some common myths.
TENET ONE I believe that by hiding death and dying behind closed doors we do more harm than good to our society. TENET TWO I believe that the culture of silence around death should be broken through discussion, gatherings, art, innovation, and scholarship. [This slide has an illustrated image of the Dia de Los Muertos parade in Mexico City; there are several large skeleton puppets being carried down the street, each with a jaunty hat or headdress.] TENET 3 I believe that talking about and engaging with my inevitable death is not morbid, but displays a natural curiosity about the human condition. TENET 4 I believe that the dead body is not dangerous, and that everyone should be empowered—should they wish to be—to be involved in care for their own dead. [There's an inset image of three people in baseball caps, everyday attire, and facemasks gently cleaning and redressing a family mummy. The mummy has what looks like frosted tips and is wearing sunglasses; this is part of a ceremony in Tana Toraja, Indonesia.]
October 27, 2025 at 4:06 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
For October 27th's #DIYandDie, the tenets of the Death Positive Movement from @ordergooddeath.bsky.social with illustrations by @landisblair.bsky.social from Caitlin Doughty's "From Here to Eternity." (1/3)
[The following images are largely a palette of sunset orange, faded gold, black and white, and almost all of the text is in a 70s retro font.] TENETS OF THE DEATH POSITIVE MOVEMENT Originally from The Order of the Good Death, with inset illustrations taken from Landis Blair illustrating "From Here to Eternity." Visit orderofthegooddeath.com
October 27, 2025 at 4:06 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(3/3) I forgot to put this in the last slide, but check out The Urban Death Project/ Recompose to see states where human composting is legal—https://recompose.life/human-composting/legal-status/
GREEN BURIAL Green burial, or natural burial, is an ecologically-conscious approach to body disposition that ensures the burial site remains as natural as possible in all respects. Internment of the body is done in a biodegradable casket, and/or wrapping the body in a shroud or blanket made of natural fibers. The body is buried 3-4 feet deep, with no embalming fluid or concrete or plastic vault used. Ideally, green burials occur on a nature preserve or a cemetery create as part of a land conservation project. CONSERVATION BURIAL A conservation burial is a step beyond green burial—a natural burial on designated conservation land belonging to a private, nonprofit, irrevocable land preservation trust. This provides an alternative burial option to established burial plots like your typical cemetery and guarantees that your remains will contribute as much back to the earth as possible. Conservation burials attempt to forego the waste and pollution of traditional embalming/burial as much as possible—all caskets, shrouds, and other materials are biodegradable, and remains are interred in soil to decompose naturally. ALKALINE HYDROLYSIS Alkaline hydrolysis, or Aquamation, water cremation, flameless cremation, or Biocremation offers people the option of having their remains dissolved in a hot chemical liquid bath. Aquamation uses less energy than burial or fire cremation, leaving a minimal carbon footprint. The body is placed on a tray in a cylindrical machine that’s filled with heated water and lye, which speeds up the natural decomposition of the body and leaves behind only bones, pacemakers, implants, and tooth fillings. The process takes between 2–4 hours, plus an additional four hours to process. The bones can be dried, pulverized into a powder, and scattered or stored like ashes; all DNA is gone. As of October 2025, Aquamation is legal in 28 states. However, it’s still rare enough that it’s typically more expensive than cremation by fire. NATURAL ORGANIC REDUCTION Natural organic reduction is the contained, accelerated conversion of human remains to soil—the more PR-friendly term for human composting. NOR uses large tanks, containers, or similar vessels to hold human remains together with straw, wood chips, and/or other natural materials for a period of time of about 4–6 weeks. The remains and organic materials, mixed together with warm air, are periodically turned and the composting process eventually results in reduction to a soil material. When the process is complete, the family of the deceased has the opportunity to receive the soil material, which is suitable for spreading in a garden, planting a memorial tree, or scattering in other meaningful locations.
October 26, 2025 at 10:23 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
(2/3) If my own trainings and recent gatherings of humanist celebrants is anything to go off of, there aren't a ton of explicitly secular folks in this space and I hope help change this.
HOME FUNERALS A home funerals is a family or community-led approach to death and after-death care. Families and communities may play a primary role in: Planning and carrying out after-death rituals or ceremonies. Preparing the body for burial or cremation by bathing, dressing, and laying out for visitation. Keeping the body cool with noninvasive techniques, such as ice. Filing the death certificate and obtaining transport and burial permits. Transporting the deceased to the place of burial or cremation. Facilitating the final disposition, such as digging the grave in a natural burial. Hiring professionals for specific products or services. Home funerals preserve the innate rights of families and communities to care for their own dead in a personal, respectful, environmentally sound, and culturally resonant manner. HOME FUNERAL GUIDES A home funeral guide is someone who offers education, support, demonstrations, and guidance to a family wishing to carry out their own natural death care (preparing and preserving a body for lying in honor in a home.) They may also lead ceremony and rituals and assist with family-led funeral arrangements. Their goal is to facilitate the maximal involvement of the family and its social network, while helping lift much of the burden. A guide knows and explains state law requirements for home funerals and may at as an advocate to help coordinate services with local funeral homes. Since home death care is both a reclaimed and evolving field, most people calling themselves guides have attended trainings to learn how to become a home funeral consultant. (If you don’t have a reliable referral, request references about your guide.) NATURAL DEATH CARE Natural death care is loving and compassionate hands-on care that family and friends administer to their beloved at the time of death. These forms of care emphasize gentler, environmentally-conscious methods (such as washing the body with warm water, natural anti-bacterial soaps, and diluted essential oils) rather than harsher, more invasive methods (such as embalming with formaldehyde and other toxic chemicals.) Families also typically choose biodegradable caskets or shrouds for final disposition rather than using caskets made of steel or precious hardwood; the natural death care philosophy centers both affordability and prioritizing options with the lowest carbon footprint.
October 26, 2025 at 10:23 PM
facilitatrix.bsky.social
For October 26th, some death doula/home funeral vocabulary building blocks for folks poking their heads into this realm for the first time. (1/3)
[The images in this deck are scarlet and pale gold leaf designs interspersed with photos of trees changing color for autumn.] MODERN TERMINOLOGY FOR THE END OF LIFE (Adapted from Final Passages, the National Home Funeral Alliance, and this being a special interest for a decade.) END OF LIFE DOULAS End of life doulas, sometimes known as death doulas, assist in the dying process, much like midwives or doulas do with birthing. They help families cope with dying and can supplement and go beyond hospice. While death doulas with specific training and credentials may be able to offer medical care, most do not. Instead, death doulas offer a variety of non-medical services, including end-of-life planning, facilitating family conversations, and respite care. End of life doulas provide spiritual, psychological, and social support prior to and following death. They may offer patient advocacy, aid in creating legacy projects, guide family-led home funerals, and much more. Other titles include death midwife, natural death care practitioner, or death care consultant. PALLIATIVE CARE Palliative care is an interdisciplinary medical caregiving approach aimed at optimizing quality of life and mitigating suffering among people with serious, complex, and often terminal illnesses. Palliative care is appropriate for individuals with serious illnesses across the age spectrum and can be provided as the main goal of care or in tandem with curative treatment. It can be ongoing as needed and is not time limited. It provides measures, appropriate pain relief, and treatment that could extend life. Palliative care’s main focus is to improve the quality of life for those with chronic illnesses. HOSPICE CARE Hospice care focuses on treating symptoms at the end of life. Choosing hospice does not mean giving up hope; it simply means that the treatment will aim to improve the patient’s quality of life rather than trying to cure the disease. Hospice care focuses on treating the symptoms of an illness, such as pain, nausea, or shortness of breath, rather than treatments meant to cure the illness, such as chemotherapy or surgeries. Patients and their families often choose hospice care when it has been determined that the patient’s disease is no longer curable, and thus is considered a terminal illness with a diagnosis of less than six months to live. The focus shifts from quantity of life to quality of life. Hospice programs usually have a team of care providers: a doctor, nurse, home health aides, a social worker, and a chaplain or spiritual counselor to help the patient come to terms with their prognosis, and, in some cases, mend relationships between patients and their loved ones.
October 26, 2025 at 10:23 PM