Jamta Claus 🥶
@elusived.bsky.social
Random thoughts and nonsense. Make memories, not misery. Mind for adventure but body for bed
Warning ⚠️ I reply instead of like
Warning ⚠️ I reply instead of like
Anyone ever been stared down by a squirrel, because I'm being stared down by a squirrel
December 16, 2025 at 8:43 AM
Anyone ever been stared down by a squirrel, because I'm being stared down by a squirrel
I don't usually like to talk about my passion for fine dining but I had to show you these delicacies. Only for the more descerning palate
December 7, 2025 at 9:02 PM
I don't usually like to talk about my passion for fine dining but I had to show you these delicacies. Only for the more descerning palate
I'm trying to feel the festivity. What Christmas film recommendations have you got for someone who hasn't watched any in years?
a woman in a santa costume is dancing in a kitchen
ALT: a woman in a santa costume is dancing in a kitchen
media.tenor.com
December 7, 2025 at 11:33 AM
I'm trying to feel the festivity. What Christmas film recommendations have you got for someone who hasn't watched any in years?
I think Special's been giving me hints for an Xmas gift. She's told me she's run out of her favourite ever perfume & even showed me the empty bottle
Hint taken! So on Xmas eve I'm going to wait for her to fall asleep, sneak over to her bedside & put a recurring reminder in her phone to buy perfume
Hint taken! So on Xmas eve I'm going to wait for her to fall asleep, sneak over to her bedside & put a recurring reminder in her phone to buy perfume
a man in a blue hoodie is holding a glass of beer and saying smart .
ALT: a man in a blue hoodie is holding a glass of beer and saying smart .
media.tenor.com
December 6, 2025 at 12:07 PM
I think Special's been giving me hints for an Xmas gift. She's told me she's run out of her favourite ever perfume & even showed me the empty bottle
Hint taken! So on Xmas eve I'm going to wait for her to fall asleep, sneak over to her bedside & put a recurring reminder in her phone to buy perfume
Hint taken! So on Xmas eve I'm going to wait for her to fall asleep, sneak over to her bedside & put a recurring reminder in her phone to buy perfume
This is what happens when you don't use Spotify but accidentally play something just as you fall asleep
Or maybe I'm just really sick, bro
Or maybe I'm just really sick, bro
December 4, 2025 at 7:38 AM
This is what happens when you don't use Spotify but accidentally play something just as you fall asleep
Or maybe I'm just really sick, bro
Or maybe I'm just really sick, bro
I've been working with someone called Jolie for 6 weeks.
Me trying to remember that she isn't called Angelina
Me trying to remember that she isn't called Angelina
a man wearing a blue shirt with a yellow badge that says ' l.o. ' on it
ALT: a man wearing a blue shirt with a yellow badge that says ' l.o. ' on it
media.tenor.com
December 1, 2025 at 5:00 PM
I've been working with someone called Jolie for 6 weeks.
Me trying to remember that she isn't called Angelina
Me trying to remember that she isn't called Angelina
Four Christmas movies to know me by 🎄
November 23, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Four Christmas movies to know me by 🎄
🎶 I've just had a shower, now I'm grating my feet.
Hello ladies, who wants to meet?🎶
Hello ladies, who wants to meet?🎶
a man in a hat is holding a green guitar that says avm2
ALT: a man in a hat is holding a green guitar that says avm2
media.tenor.com
November 22, 2025 at 8:59 AM
🎶 I've just had a shower, now I'm grating my feet.
Hello ladies, who wants to meet?🎶
Hello ladies, who wants to meet?🎶
My manager is concerned about productivity when people work from home. I was trying to think of what they'd be worried about while I was catwalking in my newly delivered clothes while playing Here Comes the Hotstepper.
Didn't come up with anything 🤷🏿♀️
Didn't come up with anything 🤷🏿♀️
a man in a suit walks down a runway with two other men
ALT: a man in a suit walks down a runway with two other men
media.tenor.com
November 20, 2025 at 2:25 PM
My manager is concerned about productivity when people work from home. I was trying to think of what they'd be worried about while I was catwalking in my newly delivered clothes while playing Here Comes the Hotstepper.
Didn't come up with anything 🤷🏿♀️
Didn't come up with anything 🤷🏿♀️
Customer complained that they hadn't been contacted. Said they were being lied to and gaslit. They posted a screenshot of their recent calls to prove their point. Guess whose number was on there
a man is yelling at a woman who is standing with her arms crossed .
ALT: a man is yelling at a woman who is standing with her arms crossed .
media.tenor.com
November 18, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Customer complained that they hadn't been contacted. Said they were being lied to and gaslit. They posted a screenshot of their recent calls to prove their point. Guess whose number was on there
List 3 things you think you’re known for and your followers will tell you if you’re right or wrong
1. Special
2. Nonsense
3. Appreciation of the gluteal region
1. Special
2. Nonsense
3. Appreciation of the gluteal region
list 3 things you think you’re known for and your followers will tell you if you’re right or wrong
1. Cheeky fucker
2. Swears too much
3. Loves LFC
1. Cheeky fucker
2. Swears too much
3. Loves LFC
list 3 things you think you’re known for and your followers will tell you if you’re right or wrong
1. Posh garden
2. Good food & wine
3.Being a bit cheeky
1. Posh garden
2. Good food & wine
3.Being a bit cheeky
November 17, 2025 at 11:41 PM
List 3 things you think you’re known for and your followers will tell you if you’re right or wrong
1. Special
2. Nonsense
3. Appreciation of the gluteal region
1. Special
2. Nonsense
3. Appreciation of the gluteal region
Head down on my pillow and go eye to eye with a spider. I handled the situation with the decorum and grace expected of a gentleman
a young boy is wearing a sweater and making a surprised face .
ALT: a young boy is wearing a sweater and making a surprised face .
media.tenor.com
November 17, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Head down on my pillow and go eye to eye with a spider. I handled the situation with the decorum and grace expected of a gentleman
Guess who just realised he's got a 4 day week
shrek from the movie shrek is smiling and looking at something
ALT: shrek from the movie shrek is smiling and looking at something
media.tenor.com
November 17, 2025 at 10:05 AM
Guess who just realised he's got a 4 day week
My Dad just called and they'd like a video doorbell and some printer ink. It's just dawned on me - I'm their Alexa
a man is holding his hand to his chin and making a funny face .
ALT: a man is holding his hand to his chin and making a funny face .
media.tenor.com
November 16, 2025 at 8:00 AM
My Dad just called and they'd like a video doorbell and some printer ink. It's just dawned on me - I'm their Alexa
Special: Doesn't Charlotte Church look good?
Me: If you say so, I hadn't noticed
Me: If you say so, I hadn't noticed
a man with a beard wearing a grey shirt
ALT: a man with a beard wearing a grey shirt
media.tenor.com
November 13, 2025 at 6:10 PM
Special: Doesn't Charlotte Church look good?
Me: If you say so, I hadn't noticed
Me: If you say so, I hadn't noticed
Started watching celebrity traitors. I definitely don't fancy Charlotte Church
a little girl is sitting at a table with a plate of food and the words that would be a lie
ALT: a little girl is sitting at a table with a plate of food and the words that would be a lie
media.tenor.com
November 12, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Started watching celebrity traitors. I definitely don't fancy Charlotte Church
The Temu headphones worked fine and took literally 15 seconds to set up. The best thing was they had bright flashing lights on the ear covers which can't be turned off and my Mum hated them 😂
My Mum has bought some Bluetooth headphones. From Temu. And they're not working/she doesn't know how to work them. Coincidentally, she wants to pop round. I'm sure these things are all unrelated
a woman wearing glasses and a brown tank top is making a face and saying yeah ok .
ALT: a woman wearing glasses and a brown tank top is making a face and saying yeah ok .
media.tenor.com
November 10, 2025 at 8:59 PM
The Temu headphones worked fine and took literally 15 seconds to set up. The best thing was they had bright flashing lights on the ear covers which can't be turned off and my Mum hated them 😂
Finally watching Sinners. It's a lovely joyous musical right?
November 9, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Finally watching Sinners. It's a lovely joyous musical right?
My Mum has bought some Bluetooth headphones. From Temu. And they're not working/she doesn't know how to work them. Coincidentally, she wants to pop round. I'm sure these things are all unrelated
a woman wearing glasses and a brown tank top is making a face and saying yeah ok .
ALT: a woman wearing glasses and a brown tank top is making a face and saying yeah ok .
media.tenor.com
November 8, 2025 at 5:30 PM
My Mum has bought some Bluetooth headphones. From Temu. And they're not working/she doesn't know how to work them. Coincidentally, she wants to pop round. I'm sure these things are all unrelated
OK, I felt those emotion things while watching the John Lewis Christmas ad. I'll be doing push ups, drinking whiskey and watching football for the rest of the weekend
November 8, 2025 at 12:58 PM
OK, I felt those emotion things while watching the John Lewis Christmas ad. I'll be doing push ups, drinking whiskey and watching football for the rest of the weekend
Me at 8am: if I sort *this* out now I won't have to do it after a tiring day at work
Special at 8am: No, you leave it to me. I'll sort it so you don't have to
Me at 4.30pm: notices *this* is not sorted and is in fact untouched in the exact same place i left it
Also me at 4.30pm:
Special at 8am: No, you leave it to me. I'll sort it so you don't have to
Me at 4.30pm: notices *this* is not sorted and is in fact untouched in the exact same place i left it
Also me at 4.30pm:
a man says if i speak i am in big trouble in front of a wall of advertisements
ALT: a man says if i speak i am in big trouble in front of a wall of advertisements
media.tenor.com
November 3, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Me at 8am: if I sort *this* out now I won't have to do it after a tiring day at work
Special at 8am: No, you leave it to me. I'll sort it so you don't have to
Me at 4.30pm: notices *this* is not sorted and is in fact untouched in the exact same place i left it
Also me at 4.30pm:
Special at 8am: No, you leave it to me. I'll sort it so you don't have to
Me at 4.30pm: notices *this* is not sorted and is in fact untouched in the exact same place i left it
Also me at 4.30pm:
I'm about to use a machine to massage the cramp out of my left buttock
a man in a striped shirt says hello ladies in front of a cash register
ALT: a man in a striped shirt says hello ladies in front of a cash register
media.tenor.com
November 2, 2025 at 5:50 PM
I'm about to use a machine to massage the cramp out of my left buttock
Had trick-or-treaters for the first time in years. I put a lot of work into being the grumpy guy who should be avoided and I'm devastated that I've let this slip. Need to up my game.
a man wearing boxing gloves looks at himself in a mirror with netflix written on the bottom right
ALT: a man wearing boxing gloves looks at himself in a mirror with netflix written on the bottom right
media.tenor.com
November 1, 2025 at 7:17 AM
Had trick-or-treaters for the first time in years. I put a lot of work into being the grumpy guy who should be avoided and I'm devastated that I've let this slip. Need to up my game.
Poor lamb. Wonder how he'll make ends meet now. Probably have to get a Christmas job in Asda for starters
October 30, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Poor lamb. Wonder how he'll make ends meet now. Probably have to get a Christmas job in Asda for starters