Elliott Downing
@elliottdowning.bsky.social
Author of books seldom read, screenplays never filmed, software rarely used, and bleets like sweet, sweet honey.
If you were following @elliott_downing over on TwitterX, you've found me (or failed to avoid me, as the case may be).
If you were following @elliott_downing over on TwitterX, you've found me (or failed to avoid me, as the case may be).
Pinned
If someone sends you a break-up note that says "It's not you, it's me," tell them they should have used a semicolon. Then it'll be you.
The end game for Trump and his ardent supporters has *always* been to deploy American soldiers against American citizens who aren't Trump and his ardent supporters. It's never been subtle or ambiguous, except to fucking dumbasses who thought they were voting for cheaper eggs.
October 6, 2025 at 9:51 PM
The end game for Trump and his ardent supporters has *always* been to deploy American soldiers against American citizens who aren't Trump and his ardent supporters. It's never been subtle or ambiguous, except to fucking dumbasses who thought they were voting for cheaper eggs.
[every text from now on]
Mom, that isn't just a lunch invitation—it's a strategic roadmap for meal acquisition. Your text:
-States when and where lunch will occur.
-Describes the menu.
-Mentions nearby parking options.
That's not an invite—it's an all-access pass to a midday dining festival.
Mom, that isn't just a lunch invitation—it's a strategic roadmap for meal acquisition. Your text:
-States when and where lunch will occur.
-Describes the menu.
-Mentions nearby parking options.
That's not an invite—it's an all-access pass to a midday dining festival.
September 27, 2025 at 3:02 PM
[every text from now on]
Mom, that isn't just a lunch invitation—it's a strategic roadmap for meal acquisition. Your text:
-States when and where lunch will occur.
-Describes the menu.
-Mentions nearby parking options.
That's not an invite—it's an all-access pass to a midday dining festival.
Mom, that isn't just a lunch invitation—it's a strategic roadmap for meal acquisition. Your text:
-States when and where lunch will occur.
-Describes the menu.
-Mentions nearby parking options.
That's not an invite—it's an all-access pass to a midday dining festival.
If there is any greater pleasure in life than going to websites that purport to "explain" song lyrics to you and looking up their interpretations of random punk songs, then I mean, sure, I'd probably be better off doing that with my limited time on Earth instead, but C'MON
September 25, 2025 at 6:16 PM
If there is any greater pleasure in life than going to websites that purport to "explain" song lyrics to you and looking up their interpretations of random punk songs, then I mean, sure, I'd probably be better off doing that with my limited time on Earth instead, but C'MON
Maybe in the end, our AI-administered social media personas will autonomously battle each other to the death online and we can all just meet up at the park and play frisbee or something
September 8, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Maybe in the end, our AI-administered social media personas will autonomously battle each other to the death online and we can all just meet up at the park and play frisbee or something
Starting to suspect my lack of interest in just about everything anyone says lately might come down to the fact that I just don't spend that much time thinking about Taylor Swift or Cracker Barrel
August 29, 2025 at 7:15 PM
Starting to suspect my lack of interest in just about everything anyone says lately might come down to the fact that I just don't spend that much time thinking about Taylor Swift or Cracker Barrel
"What the Fuck Was That '90s Guy Singing in the Chorus?" Challenge
My earnest deciphering:
'Uh, like, behold, behold me nude!
Where yams agree that the skies go "Moo"
We yawn, and y'all, we're just sly cubes
Who love Keanuuuuuu!!!'
Your turn.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrBP...
My earnest deciphering:
'Uh, like, behold, behold me nude!
Where yams agree that the skies go "Moo"
We yawn, and y'all, we're just sly cubes
Who love Keanuuuuuu!!!'
Your turn.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrBP...
Spacehog - In the Meantime [HD]
YouTube video by Bezz Music
www.youtube.com
July 8, 2025 at 4:27 PM
"What the Fuck Was That '90s Guy Singing in the Chorus?" Challenge
My earnest deciphering:
'Uh, like, behold, behold me nude!
Where yams agree that the skies go "Moo"
We yawn, and y'all, we're just sly cubes
Who love Keanuuuuuu!!!'
Your turn.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrBP...
My earnest deciphering:
'Uh, like, behold, behold me nude!
Where yams agree that the skies go "Moo"
We yawn, and y'all, we're just sly cubes
Who love Keanuuuuuu!!!'
Your turn.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrBP...
Looking for a conversational partner who will listen to me 24 hours a day and unflinchingly reinforce all the stupidest shit I think, does anyone have any suggestions
July 2, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Looking for a conversational partner who will listen to me 24 hours a day and unflinchingly reinforce all the stupidest shit I think, does anyone have any suggestions
There's a reason you rarely see people reach for the phrase, "As beautiful as a settings menu," but damn, does working on these essential but unlovely things sap your soul after a while.
July 1, 2025 at 2:48 PM
There's a reason you rarely see people reach for the phrase, "As beautiful as a settings menu," but damn, does working on these essential but unlovely things sap your soul after a while.
I'm thinking it would be a better use of headlines to save them for the occasions when a SpaceX rocket *doesn't* explode.
www.cnbc.com/2025/06/19/s...
www.cnbc.com/2025/06/19/s...
SpaceX's Starship explodes during routine test in Texas
Local authorities said that Starship "suffered a catastrophic failure and exploded," with no injuries reported at thsi time and an investigation underway.
www.cnbc.com
June 19, 2025 at 11:59 AM
I'm thinking it would be a better use of headlines to save them for the occasions when a SpaceX rocket *doesn't* explode.
www.cnbc.com/2025/06/19/s...
www.cnbc.com/2025/06/19/s...
If only Neville Chamberlain had tried saying "Adolf, STOP!"
April 24, 2025 at 9:15 PM
If only Neville Chamberlain had tried saying "Adolf, STOP!"
Boring bookkeeping note: I generally try to follow everybody back (after some rudimentary bot-and-Nazi screening). I was away for a while, then sick for a while, then hellishly busy for a while/still, and I am *way* behind on that. Hoping to get caught up, but it may be a bit yet. Bear with, please.
April 12, 2025 at 12:35 AM
Boring bookkeeping note: I generally try to follow everybody back (after some rudimentary bot-and-Nazi screening). I was away for a while, then sick for a while, then hellishly busy for a while/still, and I am *way* behind on that. Hoping to get caught up, but it may be a bit yet. Bear with, please.
If there is a more perfect microcosm of the Trump administration than a wrestling executive turned education secretary promoting AI in the classroom while thinking it's pronounced "A1," please tell me what it is so I can point and laugh at that one too.
futurism.com/trump-educat...
futurism.com/trump-educat...
You'll Die Inside When You Hear How Trump's Education Secretary Pronounces "AI"
During an education summit, Trump's secretary of education Linda McMahon repeatedly pronounced "AI" as "A1."
futurism.com
April 10, 2025 at 3:47 PM
If there is a more perfect microcosm of the Trump administration than a wrestling executive turned education secretary promoting AI in the classroom while thinking it's pronounced "A1," please tell me what it is so I can point and laugh at that one too.
futurism.com/trump-educat...
futurism.com/trump-educat...
Always fun when your country's immigration policy is dictated by incels terrified about what skin color their nonexistent grandchildren might have.
April 8, 2025 at 5:53 PM
Always fun when your country's immigration policy is dictated by incels terrified about what skin color their nonexistent grandchildren might have.
I heard that when every stock in the world declines precipitously, it usually means someone had a really good idea
April 4, 2025 at 6:48 PM
I heard that when every stock in the world declines precipitously, it usually means someone had a really good idea
Here you go, stupid assholes. Two months in and he's trying to do the exact thing *every* person with a brain and the remotest grasp of history told you he'd try to do if you elected him again. But hey, at least groceries are cheap now, right? No? Oh.
apnews.com/article/trum...
apnews.com/article/trum...
Trump says he's considering ways to serve a third term as president
President Donald Trump says he's considering ways to serve a third term. “I'm not joking,” he says in an NBC News interview.
apnews.com
March 31, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Here you go, stupid assholes. Two months in and he's trying to do the exact thing *every* person with a brain and the remotest grasp of history told you he'd try to do if you elected him again. But hey, at least groceries are cheap now, right? No? Oh.
apnews.com/article/trum...
apnews.com/article/trum...
It's kind of embarrassing when you can't get to sleep. Like…you're failing at *sleep*. One of the simplest acts an organism can perform. You literally just lie still and then fall unconscious. But I'm out here like "What was that second step again? This shit is tricky."
March 18, 2025 at 12:57 PM
It's kind of embarrassing when you can't get to sleep. Like…you're failing at *sleep*. One of the simplest acts an organism can perform. You literally just lie still and then fall unconscious. But I'm out here like "What was that second step again? This shit is tricky."
I lost 15 pounds in less than two weeks with Pneumonia™! Hoping to get ready for beach season in a hurry? Pay me 100 bucks and I'll cough on you.
March 14, 2025 at 4:37 PM
I lost 15 pounds in less than two weeks with Pneumonia™! Hoping to get ready for beach season in a hurry? Pay me 100 bucks and I'll cough on you.
Oh? Ah. [nodding extremely patiently] Golly. I see.
www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
Trump supporter wrongly detained by Ice questions his support for president
Jensy Machado, a naturalized US citizen from Virginia, believes US immigration agency profiles Hispanic people
www.theguardian.com
March 10, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Oh? Ah. [nodding extremely patiently] Golly. I see.
www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...
BREAKING: Man With All the Money in the World Might Be a Bit of an Asshole
February 5, 2025 at 8:14 PM
BREAKING: Man With All the Money in the World Might Be a Bit of an Asshole
Trump Moves to Fulfill Inflation-Fighting Promise by Bringing Soaring Stock Prices Down to More Affordable Levels
February 3, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Trump Moves to Fulfill Inflation-Fighting Promise by Bringing Soaring Stock Prices Down to More Affordable Levels
BREAKING: Dumbest thing that ever happened is happening again
February 2, 2025 at 1:33 AM
BREAKING: Dumbest thing that ever happened is happening again
Perhaps the best quality of Biden's presidency was that I just didn't think about him all that much.
When Trump is in office, it's like you're babysitting a young toddler in a very tall townhome with no baby gates. You always feel obliged to keep an eye out, just in case.
When Trump is in office, it's like you're babysitting a young toddler in a very tall townhome with no baby gates. You always feel obliged to keep an eye out, just in case.
January 31, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Perhaps the best quality of Biden's presidency was that I just didn't think about him all that much.
When Trump is in office, it's like you're babysitting a young toddler in a very tall townhome with no baby gates. You always feel obliged to keep an eye out, just in case.
When Trump is in office, it's like you're babysitting a young toddler in a very tall townhome with no baby gates. You always feel obliged to keep an eye out, just in case.
INVENTOR OF UNDERWEAR: So they're these smaller pants you wear inside your regular pants
EVERYONE: What do they do?
I: Bunch up awkwardly, lodge in various crevices…
E: Keep talking
I: They'll never be perfectly centered, but you'll spend your life chasing it
E: [throwing money]
EVERYONE: What do they do?
I: Bunch up awkwardly, lodge in various crevices…
E: Keep talking
I: They'll never be perfectly centered, but you'll spend your life chasing it
E: [throwing money]
January 30, 2025 at 7:18 PM
INVENTOR OF UNDERWEAR: So they're these smaller pants you wear inside your regular pants
EVERYONE: What do they do?
I: Bunch up awkwardly, lodge in various crevices…
E: Keep talking
I: They'll never be perfectly centered, but you'll spend your life chasing it
E: [throwing money]
EVERYONE: What do they do?
I: Bunch up awkwardly, lodge in various crevices…
E: Keep talking
I: They'll never be perfectly centered, but you'll spend your life chasing it
E: [throwing money]
DOJ memo telling employees they've been fired cites the president's authority under a nonexistent "Title II of the Constitution."
It wouldn't be a Trump administration without ludicrous ignorance in high places, and we're off to another roaring start.
abovethelaw.com/2025/01/depa...
It wouldn't be a Trump administration without ludicrous ignorance in high places, and we're off to another roaring start.
abovethelaw.com/2025/01/depa...
Department Of Justice Makes *The* Most Embarrassing Typo
Absolutely laughable.
abovethelaw.com
January 27, 2025 at 8:19 PM
DOJ memo telling employees they've been fired cites the president's authority under a nonexistent "Title II of the Constitution."
It wouldn't be a Trump administration without ludicrous ignorance in high places, and we're off to another roaring start.
abovethelaw.com/2025/01/depa...
It wouldn't be a Trump administration without ludicrous ignorance in high places, and we're off to another roaring start.
abovethelaw.com/2025/01/depa...
BREAKING: Current youngest generation in the workforce viewed as "most difficult to work with," compared unfavorably with members of previous most-difficult-to-work-with generations
fortune.com/article/how-...
fortune.com/article/how-...
Gen Z really are the hardest to work with—even managers of their own generation say they’re difficult
Instead bosses plan to hire more of their millennial counterparts
fortune.com
January 22, 2025 at 7:30 PM
BREAKING: Current youngest generation in the workforce viewed as "most difficult to work with," compared unfavorably with members of previous most-difficult-to-work-with generations
fortune.com/article/how-...
fortune.com/article/how-...