I will forever remain grateful that I did not die in January 2019. I fill forever feel grateful that I had the chance to escape him, get justice, graduate from university, fall in love, travel the world, and make change for others. Please remember that things do get better.

There have been dark times since then, and I’m in a tough moment just now as I deal with his parole proceedings and the trauma that comes with that. I won’t lie and say I’ve been able to keep dark thoughts away completely, but please remember healing is not linear.

I can’t pretend that this journey has been easy, it hasn’t. But it would’ve been such a loss to the world if I’d died then as a 21 year old with so much potential. I’d never have been able to turn my pain into power, and meet the incredible people I have along the way.

If women no longer feel safe to be on these platforms, due to the fear of the abuse they may face, they are effectively silenced, further marginalised, and have opportunities stripped from them. We should call the deregulation of social media what it is - an attack on women.

Research shows that the majority of online abuse is disproportionately directed against women. In the past year I’ve faced countless rape threats, unwanted sexual messages, harassment, and use of deepfake pornography. These have been done in an effort to silence me.

I won’t pretend that social media has always been a positive for women and girls though, and ever since its inception we’ve been seeing its harms. However, I do find this sudden pushback which will make these platforms even more unsafe for us deeply sinister.

Social media has also allowed me, and other women, to find new avenues for financial independence. Social media influencing is one of the few industries women dominate and have been able to build wealth from. Small female-owned business have also thrived because of social media.

I can’t understate how important social media has been for me personally in sharing my experiences as a rape survivor and pushing for change. It’s allowed me to connect with other survivors and join forces. I went from being isolated, to having a platform and network.

We do not need abusive men to “save” us from other abusive men. What we need is to be listened to. What we need is system-wide reform. What we need is cultural change. What we need is to be respected. And those men don’t want that for us.

We know that every day survivors are failed. We are let down by a justice system that’s not fit for purpose and was never built was us in mind. We’re let down by a culture that commodifies the bodies of women and children. We’re let down by rape myths and victim blaming.

Men who truly care about women and girls don’t use misogynistic language. They don’t associate with convicted rapists and abusers. They don’t hound and harass those who speak out. They don’t use their power to make us less safe. They don’t commit these crimes themselves.

I find it hard to believe that any of these men truly care about the victims of child sexual abuse and exploitation at the hands of these grooming gangs. Survivors’ experiences and stories are being used for cheap political point scoring and as part of some inane culture war.

This Christmas feels a bit of a paradox for me with a mix of intensely difficult emotions that have been devastating for my health, and also moments of joy and real pride in myself. Abuse continues to impact my life, but I am a better and stronger version of myself now.

The festive period can be difficult for those of us who’ve experienced abuse. It’s okay to feel down, it’s okay to feel confused - and sometimes we don’t even know why, but our bodies feel anxious. Have grace and patience with yourself.

I’m one of the “lucky” ones. I got a guilty verdict. But this doesn’t feel like justice. This man raped me multiple times and threatened others so they’d dispose of evidence - and now he might be released only halfway through his sentence? The system is broken.