📰
( ducking under his desk and cowering behind it for shelter, holding his dog audials like a soldier trying to brave the trenches getting bombed )

📰.
( TV clicking off.

today's news . take it or leave it . )

( bzzt ⚡️ ! )

📰
weren't you JUS hypin me up a moment ago? do ya wanna make out or nah 🙄
( too lazy to say not )

📰

aaaan' that's today's news !

thanks fer tunin' in, folks !

( extremely loud for no reason hype outro song plays with an overly edited photo of himself with lightning shooting out his eyes for some reason )

📰
( flashing back on screen, leaned on his newsdesk with his papers clenched in his fist . )

YOU??? YOU?
ah meant YER.

who WRITES this crap?
ARE YOU bLiNd???? DID WRITERS GO ON STRIKE JUS' TA STICK A DIGIT UP THEIR AFTS?? ah can't WORK with this GARBAGE. ah was in JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTA-
( bZt⚡️ )

📰
this jus' in, ya'll,
looks like yer beloved WRECKERS jus' got WRECKED.
by tha JUDICIAL SYSTEM !!
HARRRHAAAA!
bout damn time, if ya aaaask ME!
harhaw! LOCK THOSE THUGS UP ! YEEHAWW 😸‼️‼️

DEATH SENTENC-

( cut to commercial break . )

howdy :)

YIPPEEEEEE !!!!

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