I just want to survive and be present alongside people I love that love me back for who I am. But, I also want growth and not stagnation.

The lack of a coherent family structure for myself due to deaths and found family estrangememt has made it harder for me.

I always ask for help in the same place, but I also don't have many other places to go to for it. So, in my mind it's sapping resources pretty quickly from who I have.

Every revelation and new piece of knowledge feels important, but I've also just felt like I need to hide away my actual thoughts. I fucking hate it.

Home is still home, but I'm exhausted.

It felt somewhat freeing because I realized that people can be a part of a community even if they aren't a friendship. I also thought about what I want in friends and partners.

But, now I can't help feeling lost on what the fuck to do to keep going and rebuilding.

Other people like different things than I do???? Inconceivable

i still really like it and some parts of it are REALLY good and then unfortunately there is some really wtf cheap decisions that drag it down a bit imo :(

Like at least in porn if you include a shot of a foot or if the characters are furries or if someone gets inflated or petrified or mind-controlled, it might be a thing to jack off about, or it might not, but either way it's not worth comment because this is a jack-off-about-it work

But do the same in a non-pornographic work and every dipshit whose last IRL blowjob was eight years ago wants to jump in with the "I know what you are" or "the writer's barely-disguised fetish" because all they understand as being funny is "when someone jacks off to something wrong"

Internet exposure has ruined this kind of unfunny loser by broadening their awareness of Kinds Of Jacking Off That Are Wrong, to the point where any remotely fantastic concept or reference to human anatomy becomes a "hilarious" reveal of deviant sexuality, ripe for their cutting wit