Darth Smurf X
@darthsmurfx.bsky.social
Professional flip-flop model.
I just applied some hand sanitizer I found at work... no clue about its germ killing capabilities, but it instantly incinerated the hairs out of my nose and is currently peeling the finish off my desk.
November 18, 2025 at 7:01 PM
I just applied some hand sanitizer I found at work... no clue about its germ killing capabilities, but it instantly incinerated the hairs out of my nose and is currently peeling the finish off my desk.
Hey, @hbo.bsky.social Max. I was wondering... if it isn't too much trouble... if you could start keeping track of which shows and episodes we've watched so I don't have to keep a notepad next to the couch like we're insane? That'd be awfully swell. #kthxbye
November 17, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Hey, @hbo.bsky.social Max. I was wondering... if it isn't too much trouble... if you could start keeping track of which shows and episodes we've watched so I don't have to keep a notepad next to the couch like we're insane? That'd be awfully swell. #kthxbye
Reasons The Rise of Skywalker Makes No Sense Part 1 of 3000: Why are the Star Destroyers on Exogol buried in sand?
Just… like… why?
Join me next week for Part 2 when I ask why the outline of the crashed Death Star is carved into a knife.
Just… like… why?
Join me next week for Part 2 when I ask why the outline of the crashed Death Star is carved into a knife.
November 13, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Reasons The Rise of Skywalker Makes No Sense Part 1 of 3000: Why are the Star Destroyers on Exogol buried in sand?
Just… like… why?
Join me next week for Part 2 when I ask why the outline of the crashed Death Star is carved into a knife.
Just… like… why?
Join me next week for Part 2 when I ask why the outline of the crashed Death Star is carved into a knife.
So... do I have to hand in my Nerd Card if I don't have a favorite Transformer?
November 13, 2025 at 4:00 PM
So... do I have to hand in my Nerd Card if I don't have a favorite Transformer?
Unfortunately, my new toy… The Stranger… is stuck with the worst Star Wars name since Count Dooku. And Rey Skywalker. #RenewTheAcolyte #SaveTheAcolyte #SideBurnOnRiseOfSkywalker
November 5, 2025 at 1:14 PM
Unfortunately, my new toy… The Stranger… is stuck with the worst Star Wars name since Count Dooku. And Rey Skywalker. #RenewTheAcolyte #SaveTheAcolyte #SideBurnOnRiseOfSkywalker
New toy alert! By far the coolest character Star Wars has created in a LONG time. Thanks to the whiny, poopy-pantsed babies who ridiculed The Acolyte online just because it had 2 awful episodes, we’ll never get a 2nd season that would’ve revealed a cooler name than… The Stranger. #DarthTeeth
November 4, 2025 at 1:40 PM
New toy alert! By far the coolest character Star Wars has created in a LONG time. Thanks to the whiny, poopy-pantsed babies who ridiculed The Acolyte online just because it had 2 awful episodes, we’ll never get a 2nd season that would’ve revealed a cooler name than… The Stranger. #DarthTeeth
Just finished my first day at BluePeak Textiles! So excited to be working on the new project code name “Elephant” 😂 #newjob #insidejoke #KnowBe4 #crushingit #circleoflife
October 30, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Just finished my first day at BluePeak Textiles! So excited to be working on the new project code name “Elephant” 😂 #newjob #insidejoke #KnowBe4 #crushingit #circleoflife
I am awarding a trophy to #BabySteps for having the worst trophy list of any @playstation.com game I’ve ever seen. You’ll have to walk barefoot to my house to get it though.
October 18, 2025 at 8:43 PM
I am awarding a trophy to #BabySteps for having the worst trophy list of any @playstation.com game I’ve ever seen. You’ll have to walk barefoot to my house to get it though.
I feel like schools need to begin dedicating an entire semester to teaching the difference between “lose” and “loose”. But at this point it just feels like a loosing battle.
October 5, 2025 at 10:38 PM
I feel like schools need to begin dedicating an entire semester to teaching the difference between “lose” and “loose”. But at this point it just feels like a loosing battle.
I can't wait to see Bugs Bunny at the Music Super Bowl Halftime Show this year. I hope he does the Barber of Seville.
bugs bunny in a tuxedo is playing a piano
ALT: bugs bunny in a tuxedo is playing a piano
media.tenor.com
October 2, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I can't wait to see Bugs Bunny at the Music Super Bowl Halftime Show this year. I hope he does the Barber of Seville.
@playstation.com State of Play predictions:
• LEGO Twisted Metal trailer
• Life is Strange: Avengers Assemble announcement
• Viva Piñata hats & rideable piñata's revealed for Death Stranding 2
• Knack VR demo
• LEGO Twisted Metal trailer
• Life is Strange: Avengers Assemble announcement
• Viva Piñata hats & rideable piñata's revealed for Death Stranding 2
• Knack VR demo
September 23, 2025 at 4:59 PM
@playstation.com State of Play predictions:
• LEGO Twisted Metal trailer
• Life is Strange: Avengers Assemble announcement
• Viva Piñata hats & rideable piñata's revealed for Death Stranding 2
• Knack VR demo
• LEGO Twisted Metal trailer
• Life is Strange: Avengers Assemble announcement
• Viva Piñata hats & rideable piñata's revealed for Death Stranding 2
• Knack VR demo
Why am I so tired today? Because I woke up an hour before my alarm and my brain decided to rewrite Luke Skywalker’s entire role in #TheLastJedi.
Now I just need Kathleen Kennedy’s email address and a time machine. @markhamillofficial.bsky.social can thank me at the 2018 Oscars.
Now I just need Kathleen Kennedy’s email address and a time machine. @markhamillofficial.bsky.social can thank me at the 2018 Oscars.
September 22, 2025 at 11:12 AM
Why am I so tired today? Because I woke up an hour before my alarm and my brain decided to rewrite Luke Skywalker’s entire role in #TheLastJedi.
Now I just need Kathleen Kennedy’s email address and a time machine. @markhamillofficial.bsky.social can thank me at the 2018 Oscars.
Now I just need Kathleen Kennedy’s email address and a time machine. @markhamillofficial.bsky.social can thank me at the 2018 Oscars.
I haven't posted anything funny in awhile, so here's my desk. In my office. AT WORK. I'm almost 50. I spent real money on these. Someone married me.
September 17, 2025 at 5:12 PM
I haven't posted anything funny in awhile, so here's my desk. In my office. AT WORK. I'm almost 50. I spent real money on these. Someone married me.
Hey @xbox.com! If you are hurting for money right now, instead of laying people off, why not renew the licenses for #MarvelUltimateAlliance 1 & 2 and re-re-release them on Xbox and PlayStation? I would re-re-buy them since my old copies are sitting on dead consoles. Ple-ple-please?!?!?
September 10, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Hey @xbox.com! If you are hurting for money right now, instead of laying people off, why not renew the licenses for #MarvelUltimateAlliance 1 & 2 and re-re-release them on Xbox and PlayStation? I would re-re-buy them since my old copies are sitting on dead consoles. Ple-ple-please?!?!?
September 10, 2025 at 4:04 PM
I injured my left arm moving comic book long boxes 54 days ago and it still hurts today. I guess this is my life now.
August 20, 2025 at 1:40 PM
I injured my left arm moving comic book long boxes 54 days ago and it still hurts today. I guess this is my life now.
In an alternate universe, this collection also prominently features an awesome @robliefeld.bsky.social #Youngblood™ Knight Sabre action figure by McFarlane Toys. Sadly, I am clearly living in the darkest timeline.
August 12, 2025 at 2:59 PM
In an alternate universe, this collection also prominently features an awesome @robliefeld.bsky.social #Youngblood™ Knight Sabre action figure by McFarlane Toys. Sadly, I am clearly living in the darkest timeline.
I’ve moved beyond just walking into a room and forgetting why I’m there. I now thumb to a specific screen on my phone and forget which app I meant to open.
August 12, 2025 at 11:04 AM
I’ve moved beyond just walking into a room and forgetting why I’m there. I now thumb to a specific screen on my phone and forget which app I meant to open.
Today's Weather Forecast: You'll feel like you just woke up in a drainage ditch in Tijuana wearing a wool pantsuit.
August 1, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Today's Weather Forecast: You'll feel like you just woke up in a drainage ditch in Tijuana wearing a wool pantsuit.
The weather forecast for Wisconsin this week should just say, "feels like being smothered to death in a wet sleeping bag."
August 1, 2025 at 2:21 AM
The weather forecast for Wisconsin this week should just say, "feels like being smothered to death in a wet sleeping bag."
Update on the weather in Wisconsin: I walked our dogs and when I got home it felt like I had just crawled out of the overweight dog's mouth.
August 1, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Update on the weather in Wisconsin: I walked our dogs and when I got home it felt like I had just crawled out of the overweight dog's mouth.
After playing a bunch of #MarvelStrikeForce Danger Room, I can safely say that I hate Endgame Thanos more than puppy cancer.
July 31, 2025 at 1:47 PM
After playing a bunch of #MarvelStrikeForce Danger Room, I can safely say that I hate Endgame Thanos more than puppy cancer.
I was completely invested in an alternate universe where 4 astronauts gain super powers from a cosmic accident and have to fight some silver girl on a flying surfboard and a planet eating giant, but I drew the line at The Thing growing a beard.
July 27, 2025 at 2:37 AM
I was completely invested in an alternate universe where 4 astronauts gain super powers from a cosmic accident and have to fight some silver girl on a flying surfboard and a planet eating giant, but I drew the line at The Thing growing a beard.
Name five games you'd play at any time. Not your top 5 of all time, just five games you'd play any time. (Mmmm… delicious engagement bait).
Dig Dug
BurgerTime
Burnout
SSX
Crash Team Racing
Dig Dug
BurgerTime
Burnout
SSX
Crash Team Racing
Name five games you'd play at any time. Not your top 5 of all time, just five games you'd play any time. (Mmmm good engagement bait).
Return to Castle Wolfenstein multiplayer
Rogue
Galaga
Carcassonne (Xbox 360 version)
MLB The Show (while hating myself)
Return to Castle Wolfenstein multiplayer
Rogue
Galaga
Carcassonne (Xbox 360 version)
MLB The Show (while hating myself)
Name five games you'd play at any time. Not your top 5 of all time, just five games you'd play any time.
The Adventures of Robin Hood (Amiga)
Alien Crush (PCE)
Ridge Racer Type 4 (PS1)
Warframe (Multiplatform)
Streets of Rage 2 (Mega Drive)
The Adventures of Robin Hood (Amiga)
Alien Crush (PCE)
Ridge Racer Type 4 (PS1)
Warframe (Multiplatform)
Streets of Rage 2 (Mega Drive)
July 22, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Name five games you'd play at any time. Not your top 5 of all time, just five games you'd play any time. (Mmmm… delicious engagement bait).
Dig Dug
BurgerTime
Burnout
SSX
Crash Team Racing
Dig Dug
BurgerTime
Burnout
SSX
Crash Team Racing
The best part about my morning commute to work is that when I arrive, my blood is already pre-boiled.
July 15, 2025 at 5:32 PM
The best part about my morning commute to work is that when I arrive, my blood is already pre-boiled.