dandybird.bsky.social
@dandybird.bsky.social
Recovering know-it-all.
Reposted by dandybird.bsky.social
They cut to this awesome football fan and my dad muttered, “Fentanyl.”
January 3, 2026 at 12:33 AM
They cut to this awesome football fan and my dad muttered, “Fentanyl.”
Reposted by dandybird.bsky.social
going forward this is my reply to all of 2026
February 7, 2026 at 4:55 PM
going forward this is my reply to all of 2026
Here ye! Here ye! Ive been spelling rhythm wrong for YEARS. YEARS! Autocorrect, you have failed me tremendously. Unforgivable.
February 9, 2026 at 1:11 PM
Here ye! Here ye! Ive been spelling rhythm wrong for YEARS. YEARS! Autocorrect, you have failed me tremendously. Unforgivable.
This is a season for softening.
December 11, 2025 at 10:34 AM
This is a season for softening.
There are two kinds of beverage consumers: sippers and gluggers. I glug-a-lug-lug throughout each and every day.
October 24, 2025 at 1:57 PM
There are two kinds of beverage consumers: sippers and gluggers. I glug-a-lug-lug throughout each and every day.
Say the word 'jarred' 10 times. How does that feel? Is there a wrong way to pronounce this word?
August 23, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Say the word 'jarred' 10 times. How does that feel? Is there a wrong way to pronounce this word?
Just gave birth to myself exiting a sportsbra.
July 16, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Just gave birth to myself exiting a sportsbra.
'rat fuck' is my new favorite term of endearment/ire/confusion etc. You beautiful rat fuck, you!
May 28, 2025 at 2:52 PM
'rat fuck' is my new favorite term of endearment/ire/confusion etc. You beautiful rat fuck, you!
Back on that annual harris wittels kick.
May 22, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Back on that annual harris wittels kick.
Dear instagram, could you make it less easy for my clumsy-fat fingers to accidentally hit follow when im trying to swipe through the muck.
April 28, 2025 at 1:58 PM
Dear instagram, could you make it less easy for my clumsy-fat fingers to accidentally hit follow when im trying to swipe through the muck.
My personality is around 6'5" on a good day.
April 28, 2025 at 1:44 PM
My personality is around 6'5" on a good day.
According to the secret language of birthdays my very rare name is: the wondrous cryptic secret. Could be piglatin for bastard.
April 17, 2025 at 3:12 PM
According to the secret language of birthdays my very rare name is: the wondrous cryptic secret. Could be piglatin for bastard.
Id love to describe my laugh as throaty or raspy. I cant, but id like to.
April 17, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Id love to describe my laugh as throaty or raspy. I cant, but id like to.
Ever ugly cried 1 week into a nasty cold?
April 8, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Ever ugly cried 1 week into a nasty cold?
Results in, im an enneagram 9. Someone tell me what to do with this; Who am i supposed to be?!
April 1, 2025 at 8:58 PM
Results in, im an enneagram 9. Someone tell me what to do with this; Who am i supposed to be?!
Who do i think i am, eating tuna salad for breakfast. Look out!
March 14, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Who do i think i am, eating tuna salad for breakfast. Look out!
I have a face or air about me that people interpret as "open to all feedback."
February 5, 2025 at 3:21 PM
I have a face or air about me that people interpret as "open to all feedback."
Jokes on you! Flattery doesnt work on me. I dont accept compliments because my nervous system confuses it with danger. Try again, pigs! Please.
January 25, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Jokes on you! Flattery doesnt work on me. I dont accept compliments because my nervous system confuses it with danger. Try again, pigs! Please.
A dark romance but make it realistic: someone is sweating too early and panting before a queef escapes.
January 21, 2025 at 12:11 PM
A dark romance but make it realistic: someone is sweating too early and panting before a queef escapes.
Have we emotionally matured enough to finally recognize leslie mann's character Deb in 'This Is 40' as the true hero?
January 21, 2025 at 12:02 PM
Have we emotionally matured enough to finally recognize leslie mann's character Deb in 'This Is 40' as the true hero?
If you require social media to inform you NAZIS ARE BAD SCUM POS run to your closest holocaust museum, or find and read a history book.
January 21, 2025 at 12:01 PM
If you require social media to inform you NAZIS ARE BAD SCUM POS run to your closest holocaust museum, or find and read a history book.
Nose is running like a felon for president. Out of control!
(Hardy har-har) God help us!
(Hardy har-har) God help us!
January 20, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Nose is running like a felon for president. Out of control!
(Hardy har-har) God help us!
(Hardy har-har) God help us!
Do all men take work calls on speakerphone?
December 26, 2024 at 3:50 PM
Do all men take work calls on speakerphone?
I possess big teeth and a bland face.
December 13, 2024 at 1:37 PM
I possess big teeth and a bland face.
Reposted by dandybird.bsky.social
Snapdragons are my favorite flower to grow. They do however produce seed pods that look like the screaming skulls of the damned.
December 12, 2024 at 9:01 PM
Snapdragons are my favorite flower to grow. They do however produce seed pods that look like the screaming skulls of the damned.