Cuck Norris
@cucknorris69.bsky.social
Just a red blooded American who loves God, guns, and watching two dudes who responded to a Craigslist ad plow my wife
My pronouns are round/house
(This is a parody account if it wasn't obvious)
My pronouns are round/house
(This is a parody account if it wasn't obvious)
The first best thing about your wife leaving you for her boyfriend is that now, every room in your house is a man cave! The second best thing is there's nobody else home to hear your sobs echo through the empty shell of a home you once shared with the woman you loved!
October 9, 2025 at 12:31 AM
The first best thing about your wife leaving you for her boyfriend is that now, every room in your house is a man cave! The second best thing is there's nobody else home to hear your sobs echo through the empty shell of a home you once shared with the woman you loved!
I joined the California National Guard so I could go karate chop libtards in Oregon and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
October 6, 2025 at 3:52 AM
I joined the California National Guard so I could go karate chop libtards in Oregon and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
Thoughts and prayers for my boy Charlie. Man, you're lucky they shot you in the neck and missed that big fuckin' watermelon you call a head!
September 10, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Thoughts and prayers for my boy Charlie. Man, you're lucky they shot you in the neck and missed that big fuckin' watermelon you call a head!
I HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY THAT'LL TRIGGER YOU LIBERAL WEENIES, THAT'S WHY ALL FUTURE POSTS WILL BE DONE IN ALL CAPS TO CONVEY HOW SMART, HANDSOME, AMD FUCKABLE I AM. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
August 25, 2025 at 4:02 AM
I HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY THAT'LL TRIGGER YOU LIBERAL WEENIES, THAT'S WHY ALL FUTURE POSTS WILL BE DONE IN ALL CAPS TO CONVEY HOW SMART, HANDSOME, AMD FUCKABLE I AM. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Reposted by Cuck Norris
The screaming 8 year old running around the tire store fucking everything up while I'm waiting for them to get started on my car that was supposed to be on the rack 45 minutes ago has softened my position on abortion
August 21, 2025 at 4:43 PM
The screaming 8 year old running around the tire store fucking everything up while I'm waiting for them to get started on my car that was supposed to be on the rack 45 minutes ago has softened my position on abortion
I for one am saying we should gift Alaska back to Russia, they've done so much for us! Like helping God emperor Trump get reelected! Where would we be if it weren't for Russian influence?
August 16, 2025 at 4:31 AM
I for one am saying we should gift Alaska back to Russia, they've done so much for us! Like helping God emperor Trump get reelected! Where would we be if it weren't for Russian influence?
I for one love seeing Sydney Sweeney's tits. They help dull the pain that comes from the knowledge the world is probably ending and it's because I got duped into voting for a pedophile three times.
August 5, 2025 at 9:27 PM
I for one love seeing Sydney Sweeney's tits. They help dull the pain that comes from the knowledge the world is probably ending and it's because I got duped into voting for a pedophile three times.
Who gives a shit if the president paved over the rose garden? Flowers are for the gays.
August 4, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Who gives a shit if the president paved over the rose garden? Flowers are for the gays.
The other day at the Mar-a-Lago MAGA fuckfest, I was blowin' out Roger Stone's back and his Nixon back tat winked at me. I came so hard FEMA declared Rog's butthole a flood disaster zone and sent its full response team!
August 2, 2025 at 4:54 PM
The other day at the Mar-a-Lago MAGA fuckfest, I was blowin' out Roger Stone's back and his Nixon back tat winked at me. I came so hard FEMA declared Rog's butthole a flood disaster zone and sent its full response team!
Sorry for the brief hiatus, I was mistakenly scooped up in an ICE raid and deported to El Salvador for a little bit. They confused me for a day laborer no matter how many times I told them I was at Home Depot looking for someone to fuck my wife. Nobody's perfecf!
June 28, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Sorry for the brief hiatus, I was mistakenly scooped up in an ICE raid and deported to El Salvador for a little bit. They confused me for a day laborer no matter how many times I told them I was at Home Depot looking for someone to fuck my wife. Nobody's perfecf!
@jd-vance-1.bsky.social JD! What a nice surprise to see you here! Last time I saw you, you were nuts deep in that La-z-boy at Roger Stone's MAGA fuckparty! How's the wife?
June 20, 2025 at 7:42 AM
@jd-vance-1.bsky.social JD! What a nice surprise to see you here! Last time I saw you, you were nuts deep in that La-z-boy at Roger Stone's MAGA fuckparty! How's the wife?
Here's a story about kings.
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
June 11, 2025 at 4:54 AM
Here's a story about kings.
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
I don't wear a mask when I'm rounding up illegals with the boys because I'm trying to hide my identity, I'm wearing it because my face breaks out in little red bumps when I shave and it's soooo embarrassing!
June 9, 2025 at 6:00 AM
I don't wear a mask when I'm rounding up illegals with the boys because I'm trying to hide my identity, I'm wearing it because my face breaks out in little red bumps when I shave and it's soooo embarrassing!
I don't see the problem everyone is having with detaining child immigrants at the border without being required to give them food or water. Everybody knows Mexicans absorb moisture from the air and can subsist on handfuls of dirt if the circumstances call for it.
May 23, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I don't see the problem everyone is having with detaining child immigrants at the border without being required to give them food or water. Everybody knows Mexicans absorb moisture from the air and can subsist on handfuls of dirt if the circumstances call for it.
Habeas corpus is woke ideology. We should believe the government 100% when they accuse people of being MS13 members because the government has never lied about anything ever!
May 20, 2025 at 10:18 PM
Habeas corpus is woke ideology. We should believe the government 100% when they accuse people of being MS13 members because the government has never lied about anything ever!
Bet if Qatar offered one of you losers an airplane you wouldn't complain one bit
May 17, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Bet if Qatar offered one of you losers an airplane you wouldn't complain one bit
Cybertruck's in the shop again. This time the rear quarter panel sheared off on the highway and impaled a single mother of four. Then the FSD kicked in and fled the scene. I'm up on involuntary manslaughter charges but I still love the truck!
April 23, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Cybertruck's in the shop again. This time the rear quarter panel sheared off on the highway and impaled a single mother of four. Then the FSD kicked in and fled the scene. I'm up on involuntary manslaughter charges but I still love the truck!
Happy chocolate Jesus day you fucking hypocrites! Make sure you go out and mistreat minimum wage service staff while you flaunt your false sense of moral superiority! Don't forget to give them shit for working on the Lord's day of rest!
April 20, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Happy chocolate Jesus day you fucking hypocrites! Make sure you go out and mistreat minimum wage service staff while you flaunt your false sense of moral superiority! Don't forget to give them shit for working on the Lord's day of rest!
It's Thursday, and you know what that means! I'm blaring fox news at full volume while I eat a cinnamon roll shirtless over the kitchen sink and try to make sure my wife and her boyfriend can't hear my crying over their lovemaking
April 17, 2025 at 7:27 AM
It's Thursday, and you know what that means! I'm blaring fox news at full volume while I eat a cinnamon roll shirtless over the kitchen sink and try to make sure my wife and her boyfriend can't hear my crying over their lovemaking
Real talk time.
Fuck Donald Trump. In light of Stephen Miller saying anyone preaching "hate for America" will be deported and the fat fuck himself telling the president of El Salvador to build more prisons for his political enemies, allow me to declare that nazis can get fucked. This includes >
Fuck Donald Trump. In light of Stephen Miller saying anyone preaching "hate for America" will be deported and the fat fuck himself telling the president of El Salvador to build more prisons for his political enemies, allow me to declare that nazis can get fucked. This includes >
April 14, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Real talk time.
Fuck Donald Trump. In light of Stephen Miller saying anyone preaching "hate for America" will be deported and the fat fuck himself telling the president of El Salvador to build more prisons for his political enemies, allow me to declare that nazis can get fucked. This includes >
Fuck Donald Trump. In light of Stephen Miller saying anyone preaching "hate for America" will be deported and the fat fuck himself telling the president of El Salvador to build more prisons for his political enemies, allow me to declare that nazis can get fucked. This includes >
Now that I hear the new Donkey Kong game is woke, I will not be purchasing a Switch 2. Yep, that's the reason. Definitely has nothing to do with tarrifs.
April 11, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Now that I hear the new Donkey Kong game is woke, I will not be purchasing a Switch 2. Yep, that's the reason. Definitely has nothing to do with tarrifs.
What kind of dumb asshole orders salad at a restaurant? Just eat your lawn clippings, they're roughly the same nutritional value and they're free. Morons.
April 5, 2025 at 4:08 AM
What kind of dumb asshole orders salad at a restaurant? Just eat your lawn clippings, they're roughly the same nutritional value and they're free. Morons.
With the news that tarrifs might affect the price of the Switch 2, I'm beginning to suspect I may have backed the wrong horse
April 4, 2025 at 5:14 PM
With the news that tarrifs might affect the price of the Switch 2, I'm beginning to suspect I may have backed the wrong horse