I felt this for a while after my first break up.. lol

Also I'm probably gonna be going on an internet break at the start of 2026

It just feels too small.. not that I really want to force friends into this account because its supposed to be more open thoughts and could be seen as weird, but at the same time it feels too empty and lonely here.. lol

Oh well I guess

I still worry I'm just gonna end up making the same mistakes or I'm just gonna be annoying and tiresome

I can't just leave again.. I can't lose this.. but I feel like I'm still not ready.. but idk what to do..

I feel really lost

(I'm reposting this on my second account because I actually don't want it in the main one.. lol, I apologize if you happen to see it twice)

..friend once till we found out she was a horrible abusive person

I'm actually going to bed sick what is fucking wrong with my brain

I also had another dream where there was a group of kids that were bullying me so much i was breaking down in my dream, so... that was fun

I hate my brain (2/2)

Random side thing that's sorta related is I'm working on a little birthday drawing for her, since when her birthday happened I hadn't started seeing her again, but now that I have i think it'd be a nice way to get things started again..

Regardless.. I do feel happy that I can see her again...

But.. I want to at least try, I don't think it'll ever fully get back to best friend status.. maybe it will.. maybe it won't.. either way, I'm not really sure how far I'm gonna actually go with this, but I feel i at least owe her an apology for everything.. she at least deserves that from me

Nvm lol

But i guess you don't really know how things will go till you take the leap, even if this wasn't exactly how I thought it'd go, I'm glad it did happen...

I'm gonna be better this time, I'm gonna rebuild our friendship, I'm not gonna make the same mistakes I made before

I will be the best I can be

She was apparently open to the idea of me joining and talking again.. but its been so long that I'm not exactly sure how to approach her... I may give it a few days while I readjust before I try actually talking... like I said, it feels really weird since I just thought she wouldn't want me around

Amazing friend and I miss her every single day

And honestly I probably deserve it, I'm a bad person i don't deserve to be friends with her again

I want to ask one of my friends that I know she still talks to her what she thinks what I should do, but I don't know

I just wish I didn't make the mistakes I did, Natalie was a genuinely...