🔫 climp
@climp.bsky.social
.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·`¯´·.
Microsoft excel
Microsoft excel
Trying to impress my date by doing the Charlie Chaplin bit with the potatoes but I can only keep my hands in the oven a few seconds at a time.
November 11, 2025 at 9:35 PM
Trying to impress my date by doing the Charlie Chaplin bit with the potatoes but I can only keep my hands in the oven a few seconds at a time.
Don’t judge me by my grave goods
November 11, 2025 at 12:29 PM
Don’t judge me by my grave goods
I bet in a plane crash you get so much stuff in your mouth
November 11, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I bet in a plane crash you get so much stuff in your mouth
Oh this future food is actually made of IngredienZ
November 11, 2025 at 3:54 AM
Oh this future food is actually made of IngredienZ
vroom vroom ford mustard
November 9, 2025 at 3:06 AM
vroom vroom ford mustard
College sweater that just says “language arts”
November 9, 2025 at 3:04 AM
College sweater that just says “language arts”
Dropping Christmas hints
November 8, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Dropping Christmas hints
Love is telling her how much to the bathroom you went
November 8, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Love is telling her how much to the bathroom you went
Letting the jerk store go to voicemail. I don’t have time for this.
November 7, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Letting the jerk store go to voicemail. I don’t have time for this.
President falls asleep in a meeting and not one person puts a little blanket on him and whispers that he’s “all tuckered out”???
November 7, 2025 at 10:36 PM
President falls asleep in a meeting and not one person puts a little blanket on him and whispers that he’s “all tuckered out”???
The arc of clothing bends toward pajamas
November 7, 2025 at 3:15 PM
The arc of clothing bends toward pajamas
All right men fan out. Or do whatever, just leave me alone!
November 7, 2025 at 2:30 PM
All right men fan out. Or do whatever, just leave me alone!
Imagine a huge number. No, bigger. That’s how stupid I am.
November 7, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Imagine a huge number. No, bigger. That’s how stupid I am.
Computer, show me all planets with huge bike ramps
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 AM
Computer, show me all planets with huge bike ramps
Sometimes you gotta squeeze open that coin purse and treat yourself to a little slice of carrot
November 6, 2025 at 10:44 PM
Sometimes you gotta squeeze open that coin purse and treat yourself to a little slice of carrot
Reposted by 🔫 climp
getting pinned by a field biologist who cuts my ill-fitting shirt off and then releases me back into the wild
November 6, 2025 at 3:04 AM
getting pinned by a field biologist who cuts my ill-fitting shirt off and then releases me back into the wild
Reposted by 🔫 climp
i'm never showing my kid tony hawk. they'll have to recreate the 900 from first principles
November 6, 2025 at 4:14 AM
i'm never showing my kid tony hawk. they'll have to recreate the 900 from first principles
[Ambassador] In our language your name means “one who runs up to within striking distance then trips, embarrassing himself and his country.”
[Me in a four point crouch] We’ll see about that
[Me in a four point crouch] We’ll see about that
November 6, 2025 at 4:32 AM
[Ambassador] In our language your name means “one who runs up to within striking distance then trips, embarrassing himself and his country.”
[Me in a four point crouch] We’ll see about that
[Me in a four point crouch] We’ll see about that
[Folds menu] I’ll have the morsels three
November 6, 2025 at 3:20 AM
[Folds menu] I’ll have the morsels three
They’ve released a salad variant called “Pineapple Caesar” and it’s $19
November 6, 2025 at 2:16 AM
They’ve released a salad variant called “Pineapple Caesar” and it’s $19
We’re planning a small wedding for when we turn into bugs
November 5, 2025 at 5:16 PM
We’re planning a small wedding for when we turn into bugs
Millions remain without power today as they are disenfranchised by moneyed interests
November 5, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Millions remain without power today as they are disenfranchised by moneyed interests
OK first off this is a shredder not a fax machine. Second, I’ve been lowering myself in for twenty years
November 5, 2025 at 5:16 AM
OK first off this is a shredder not a fax machine. Second, I’ve been lowering myself in for twenty years
The best part of hugging my children is extruding my arms just before the act
November 5, 2025 at 4:43 AM
The best part of hugging my children is extruding my arms just before the act
I would like to thank Alan Alda
November 5, 2025 at 4:11 AM
I would like to thank Alan Alda