Chris
@chrisduzthings.bsky.social
Freak on the streets, farting in the sheets.
Gary Numan's Sexy Goth Daughters
June 29, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Gary Numan's Sexy Goth Daughters
I'm not superstitious at all, but even I wouldn't tempt fate this hard.
June 6, 2025 at 7:04 AM
I'm not superstitious at all, but even I wouldn't tempt fate this hard.
I haven't been on social media in ages. I must have a sixth sense.
June 5, 2025 at 9:41 PM
I haven't been on social media in ages. I must have a sixth sense.
I don’t like it when I get pints in a fucking chalice thing, I want a regular pint glass.
May 17, 2025 at 8:18 PM
I don’t like it when I get pints in a fucking chalice thing, I want a regular pint glass.
Due to an unfortunate trimmer accident, I had to shave my beard off after many years. As I’m now pushing 40 I did not need to see what was underneath.
May 16, 2025 at 9:04 AM
Due to an unfortunate trimmer accident, I had to shave my beard off after many years. As I’m now pushing 40 I did not need to see what was underneath.
I was 18 on a lads holiday in Tenerife. One mate was passed out bollock naked except socks - we sprayed cold water on his bollocks - he woke up (fucked) - sang some Shakira - bent over to pick up a towel and did the loudest most comical fart you've ever heard.
May 10, 2025 at 8:19 PM
I was 18 on a lads holiday in Tenerife. One mate was passed out bollock naked except socks - we sprayed cold water on his bollocks - he woke up (fucked) - sang some Shakira - bent over to pick up a towel and did the loudest most comical fart you've ever heard.
I'm watching a version of Drive rescored by Zane Lowe - fucking shite.
May 10, 2025 at 8:10 PM
I'm watching a version of Drive rescored by Zane Lowe - fucking shite.
This was absolutely fucking wonderful.
May 2, 2025 at 8:38 PM
This was absolutely fucking wonderful.
This came to me as I was falling asleep one night, and I thought, "I must post this."
You know how you often see a spider in the bath? Wanna know why? It’s to give them a better chance at seeing your willy 😡
April 19, 2025 at 7:24 PM
This came to me as I was falling asleep one night, and I thought, "I must post this."
Reposted by Chris
Gordon Ramsey: I ordered steak tartare and you've brought me an omelette?
waiter: yeah, chef's a minotaur, he doesn't like doing steak
GR: jesus christ, can I speak with him?
[waiter starts to gather up his ball of string and disappears into the catacombs]
GR: *whispers* fuck me
waiter: yeah, chef's a minotaur, he doesn't like doing steak
GR: jesus christ, can I speak with him?
[waiter starts to gather up his ball of string and disappears into the catacombs]
GR: *whispers* fuck me
March 5, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Gordon Ramsey: I ordered steak tartare and you've brought me an omelette?
waiter: yeah, chef's a minotaur, he doesn't like doing steak
GR: jesus christ, can I speak with him?
[waiter starts to gather up his ball of string and disappears into the catacombs]
GR: *whispers* fuck me
waiter: yeah, chef's a minotaur, he doesn't like doing steak
GR: jesus christ, can I speak with him?
[waiter starts to gather up his ball of string and disappears into the catacombs]
GR: *whispers* fuck me
Reposted by Chris
Favourite made-up US golfers
Bison DeShampoo
Spotty Stiffler
Chip Fatt
Jeff Twatt
Randy Crumpett
Jack Titzhoff
Flip Burger
Freddy Senior Junior
Bison DeShampoo
Spotty Stiffler
Chip Fatt
Jeff Twatt
Randy Crumpett
Jack Titzhoff
Flip Burger
Freddy Senior Junior
April 13, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Favourite made-up US golfers
Bison DeShampoo
Spotty Stiffler
Chip Fatt
Jeff Twatt
Randy Crumpett
Jack Titzhoff
Flip Burger
Freddy Senior Junior
Bison DeShampoo
Spotty Stiffler
Chip Fatt
Jeff Twatt
Randy Crumpett
Jack Titzhoff
Flip Burger
Freddy Senior Junior
This has made blood come out of all the holes in my body.
April 13, 2025 at 6:19 PM
This has made blood come out of all the holes in my body.
That is one of the most powerful things I have ever seen.
I am finally watching The Virtues. It's incredible. Despite Shane Meadows being a very celebrated filmmaker, I still think that he's underrated. An absolute genius - easily one of our GOATs.
April 7, 2025 at 10:51 PM
That is one of the most powerful things I have ever seen.
I am finally watching The Virtues. It's incredible. Despite Shane Meadows being a very celebrated filmmaker, I still think that he's underrated. An absolute genius - easily one of our GOATs.
April 7, 2025 at 9:33 PM
I am finally watching The Virtues. It's incredible. Despite Shane Meadows being a very celebrated filmmaker, I still think that he's underrated. An absolute genius - easily one of our GOATs.
You know how you often see a spider in the bath? Wanna know why? It’s to give them a better chance at seeing your willy 😡
April 7, 2025 at 8:18 AM
You know how you often see a spider in the bath? Wanna know why? It’s to give them a better chance at seeing your willy 😡
How good is Val in Heat, mind? RIP.
April 3, 2025 at 7:54 PM
How good is Val in Heat, mind? RIP.
Important seasonal update: I have made the transition from Guinness to lager.
March 31, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Important seasonal update: I have made the transition from Guinness to lager.
Rejected by the comic book people again. Apparently there's nothing "cool" or "sexy" about Gout Man!
March 25, 2025 at 8:07 PM
Rejected by the comic book people again. Apparently there's nothing "cool" or "sexy" about Gout Man!
Reposted by Chris
When I'm six pints down on an empty stomach and someone suggests a whisky chaser.
March 23, 2025 at 5:36 PM
When I'm six pints down on an empty stomach and someone suggests a whisky chaser.
Would anyone be interested in some "thirst trap" style images? I am nearly forty and a heavy drinker, but you might be into it?
March 22, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Would anyone be interested in some "thirst trap" style images? I am nearly forty and a heavy drinker, but you might be into it?
Offer me a cauliflower steak and I will shoot blood out of my eyes in self defence.
March 22, 2025 at 10:57 AM
Offer me a cauliflower steak and I will shoot blood out of my eyes in self defence.
Want to feel old? Steve-O has been sober for 17 years.
March 13, 2025 at 3:55 PM
Want to feel old? Steve-O has been sober for 17 years.
I know I’m one of “those guys” but you can’t get more perfect than that.
March 13, 2025 at 3:49 PM
I know I’m one of “those guys” but you can’t get more perfect than that.
March 13, 2025 at 8:57 AM
I got made redundant.
I've got a strong suspicion that I'm going to get made redundant in 2025. Posting this now so I'll at least have the satisfaction of proving that I was right.
March 12, 2025 at 1:07 PM
I got made redundant.