If anyone would like to give me $60 million so I can live a life of shrooms and penis torture, I've started a gofundme.

I'm not a Shakespeare scholar. If you're reading this and you're into theater, first of all you're being too loud, and second of all do you know anyone who's done a deep dive into what the deal was with the Indian boy? I'd be interested to get to the BOTTOM of this. Do you see what I did there?

Okay. As an adult, I'm thinking there was probably something implied there that was probably a lot darker. Especially since they made such a thing out of the fact that the boy is from India.

Like, when I was a kid doing Summer Shakespeare classes (because apparently I hated fitting in at school) we all just kind of accepted that the boy was just a friendly member of the entourage and fairy monarchs just kind of had people in their royal court hanging out.

Won't someone please think of the nightclubs!

I'm not terribly surprised to learn that Homeland Security is staffed by that douche who thinks its still funny to go to concerts and shout 'Play free bird!'