I used to love reading dystopian fiction in high school.

Reaaaaally not enjoying living through dystopian reality as an adult.

imagine the TikTok related sermons being written right now for tomorrow morning’s services

“I heard TikTok went dark last night…you know who never leaves you in the dark? Jesus Christ”

Can never watch Home Alone without yearning bitterly for pre-TSA airports

"Let me take that off your plate" is a strong love language unless cheese is involved, in which case, and let me be clear, get away from my cheese with your awful hate language

is die hard a christmas movie, is a hot dog a sandwich, should i kill myself in front of you to purposefully cause lifelong trauma

how am I 27 and still discovering ways my upbringing fucked up my brain. when does it end.

If you think about it, the very best books are really just extremely long spells that turn you into a different person for the rest of your life

i can't stand when elected politicians get on social media and then whine that people are being mean to them. those are your constituents and they should be allowed to tell you when you're doing a shitty job representing them

i truly believe the Ring doorbell has done incalculable damage to the psyche of the average American