Bill Heil
@billheil.bsky.social
Tall guy from Berkeley
https://billheil.com
https://billheil.com
Me, about to quit comedy at the bar show that won’t turn off Monday Night Football
November 7, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Me, about to quit comedy at the bar show that won’t turn off Monday Night Football
Jack Bauer's escalating enemies in a season of 24
November 5, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Jack Bauer's escalating enemies in a season of 24
Me buying a video game before the Steam reviews are even out
November 5, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Me buying a video game before the Steam reviews are even out
Somewhere Kash Patel is carving into shrapnel “hillbilly elegy sucked”
October 20, 2025 at 6:41 AM
Somewhere Kash Patel is carving into shrapnel “hillbilly elegy sucked”
Me showing my wife my 57-inch curved gaming monitor
October 15, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Me showing my wife my 57-inch curved gaming monitor
Once my mother-in-law announced an agreement with my wife that we would visit every Thanksgiving
September 29, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Once my mother-in-law announced an agreement with my wife that we would visit every Thanksgiving
Oof TWELVE speakers? I'd rather be charlie kirk
September 21, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Oof TWELVE speakers? I'd rather be charlie kirk
I can’t tell if this rally is for anti-fascists or nazi bottoms
September 20, 2025 at 12:27 AM
I can’t tell if this rally is for anti-fascists or nazi bottoms
“Thank you, Mr. President. I ran up forty grand in bar tabs as Secretary of Defense.”
September 5, 2025 at 1:03 AM
“Thank you, Mr. President. I ran up forty grand in bar tabs as Secretary of Defense.”
Hardest part of having a 31‑year‑old baby? Figuring out the right Zyn‑to‑formula ratio.
August 2, 2025 at 2:03 PM
Hardest part of having a 31‑year‑old baby? Figuring out the right Zyn‑to‑formula ratio.
Personal superintelligence. Cool. Can it de-QAnon my uncle first?
August 1, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Personal superintelligence. Cool. Can it de-QAnon my uncle first?
White House tomorrow: “Here’s that list of names you’ve been asking about!”
July 17, 2025 at 1:17 AM
White House tomorrow: “Here’s that list of names you’ve been asking about!”
The Fast and the Führerious
July 13, 2025 at 6:27 PM
The Fast and the Führerious
Finally, something guys fake in bed
July 4, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Finally, something guys fake in bed
She still has 30 days to return him
June 28, 2025 at 4:22 PM
She still has 30 days to return him
“Go hands-free” = never know the touch of a woman
June 12, 2025 at 4:43 AM
“Go hands-free” = never know the touch of a woman
Due to a coffin shortage, Smylie’s body was buried in a duct-tape nose cone.
May 16, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Due to a coffin shortage, Smylie’s body was buried in a duct-tape nose cone.
I predict he’ll go down as the Michael Jordan of basketball commentary.
May 12, 2025 at 5:05 PM
I predict he’ll go down as the Michael Jordan of basketball commentary.
The pope’s tomb. The kerning around the A? Catholics call that “leaving room for The Holy Spirit.”
May 4, 2025 at 3:49 PM
The pope’s tomb. The kerning around the A? Catholics call that “leaving room for The Holy Spirit.”
Well, it’s official - my life is over.
April 27, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Well, it’s official - my life is over.
Madden 26 box art just released:
April 3, 2025 at 3:36 PM
Madden 26 box art just released:
Fun fact: Cult Crackers is also Berkeley’s largest ethnic subgroup.
March 23, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Fun fact: Cult Crackers is also Berkeley’s largest ethnic subgroup.
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a gooood booooy with a gun
March 11, 2025 at 5:03 AM
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a gooood booooy with a gun