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beefcarcass.bsky.social
slice
@beefcarcass.bsky.social
4.9K followers 660 following 1.3K posts
Writer of stuff.

Website: beefcarcass.com

Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaatdk2bj2ce

Tips appreciated: https://ko-fi.com/noahwesley

avi by geraldinepiche.bsky.social
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beefcarcass.bsky.social
Magazine.
Comic strip, six panels: First panel: man says to his wife, “so the doctor said every night I have to stick an entire rolled up magazine up my ass…” Second panel: Man continues, “At 6:30pm. On the living room floor.” Third panel: wife says, “Oh, Roger! But the Johnsons are coming over for dinner!” Fourth panel: Man says, grinning with mischief in his eyes, “Oh, really? That’s tonight? Gee, that’s… that’s too bad…” Fifth panel: Doorbell rings. Sixth panel: Man is already on floor, pulling his knees into his chest, getting his butthole ready. His face is filled with excitement. Wife pleads, “Damn it, Roger! Not now!”
November 29, 2025 at 12:09 AM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Happy Thanksgiving, you buncha goddammits! I shit myself and they made me go outside
Some guy who just shit his pants
November 27, 2025 at 9:13 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Andy.
Comic strip, six panels: First panel: exterior of a house with a mother’s voice coming from inside. “Andy, your grandparents are here.” Second panel: mom, grandparents, and little Andy stand together. Mom says, “why don’t you show them your room?” Andy says, “okay.” Third panel: Andy and his grandparents now stand in Andy’s room while he points to various items and says, “Well, there’s my bed, and that’s my television, and that’s my toy box…” Fourth panel: closeup on Andy as he continues, still pointing, “and over there’s where I whack off.” Fifth panel: grandma and grandpa in frame as grandpa says with concern, “over there? But it’s so close to the window.” Sixth panel: closeup on Andy. Andy says, “Shut up, asshole.”
November 25, 2025 at 5:46 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
“Robin, haven’t you heard about the male loneliness epidemic?”
A very concerned looking uhhhh… Batman, I think.
November 24, 2025 at 7:47 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
I figured out penis enlargement
Microsoft mascot Clippy made out of dough that got a lot fatter in the oven.
November 23, 2025 at 4:20 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Dracula.
Comic strip. First panel: Count Dracula entertains guests at a long dining table. One guest asks, “So, Count… care for some blood?” Second panel: Dracula starts, “No, I never drink—” and cuts himself off. Third panel: Dracula, face full of confusion asks, “Wait, what did you say?” Fourth panel: Guest repeats, “Do you want some blood?” Fifth panel: Dracula, flummoxed, says, “No, you’re supposed to say—” Sixth panel: Guest says, “I’m supposed to what now?” Seventh panel: Dracula, stammering, says, “You… after you say wine, I say—” Eighth panel: Guest, grinning, says, “Fuck you, Dracula.”
October 12, 2025 at 7:12 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
If I ever win the lottery, I won’t say anything, but there will be signs
Prostate exam simulator complete with tiny rubber balls and wiener
October 8, 2025 at 2:56 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Hair.
Comic strip. First panel: Man says to his wife, “Honey, be honest… if I lost all my hair, would you think I’m just a fat, disgusting, premature ejaculator with a shitty job and no prospects?” Second panel: Wife says, “I don’t like your hair either.”
October 8, 2025 at 2:25 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
We are all charlie kirk
September 21, 2025 at 4:31 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Stirrups.
Comic: First panel: little boy asks his mother where his little brother came from. Second panel: his mom, sitting on the couch, puts her legs up in invisible stirrups and says, “I went like this and he came out.” Third panel: mom puts her legs back down. Fourth panel: little boy asks for clarification. “You mean he came from INSIDE your body?” Fifth panel: mom thinks about her answer. Sixth panel: mom puts her legs back up and repeats, “I went like this.”
August 1, 2025 at 7:43 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Father and son.
Comic strip: First panel: dad says to his son, “see ya later, Kevin. I’m gonna go tie one on.” Second panel: son says, “fuck you, dad.” Third panel: dad says, “fuck you, son.” Fin.
July 29, 2025 at 2:18 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Resumé.
Comic strip: Man interviews potential employee. He says “Well, Mr. Zutroy, your resumé just says ‘for twelve years I play accordion for dancing monkey.’” Mr. Zutroy says, “Correct.” Thoroughly unimpressed, the interviewer says, “Well, at least you can play the accordion.” To which Mr. Zutroy replies, “Not really, but monkey couldn’t tell.”
July 27, 2025 at 6:35 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Leg.
Comic strip: young boy discovers that one of his father’s legs has been amputated. When he asks what happened, the father cries, “not only does my son not know he’s a werewolf, but he doesn’t even remember eating his own father’s leg!” The son, clearly distraught, says “Oh my God! I did?” Then the father just laughs and says, “April fools, son! It was just diabetes.”
July 26, 2025 at 3:52 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Larry.
A man with a large ass is down on all fours peeking through an air vent in his wall. The caption reads: Larry Finds a Cheeseburger
July 23, 2025 at 9:10 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Waffles.
Comic strip: man discovers fresh poop on his morning waffles. “Damn it, Billy!” He says. “Did you poop in my waffles?” His snot-nosed son answers shouting “Oh I’m sorry, Dad! Did I break another one of your rules? JEEZ!”
July 22, 2025 at 11:16 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
But I did a comic…
Two panel comic strip: Health advocates hand out sex education pamphlets, asking a passerby if he supports the fight against hepatitis, to which the passerby responds, “WHICH hepatitis?”
July 22, 2025 at 6:54 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
If my ankles looked that bad I would just cut my feet off and then my ankles could be my new feet
An old dying loser’s fat fucking ankles
July 19, 2025 at 12:43 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
Who do I sue?
April 29, 2025 at 6:05 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
I mean no one else was using them
September 22, 2024 at 9:08 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
June 2, 2024 at 3:48 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
September 3, 2023 at 5:51 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
September 2, 2023 at 1:45 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
August 27, 2023 at 1:27 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
July 21, 2023 at 1:21 PM
beefcarcass.bsky.social
July 17, 2023 at 9:03 PM