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batkaren.bsky.social
batkaren
@batkaren.bsky.social
22K followers 330 following 2.1K posts
my mom fucked a bat

just my bullshit: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6ljac3gxzqxy56fhx7qu3jqd/feed/aaali652rhjzc
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batkaren.bsky.social
patty cake patty cake baker’s man
Two white bears standing upright looking like they’re about to start fighting (or maybe kissing?), but their arms are placed in a way that looks like they’re doing patty cake
November 22, 2025 at 5:42 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
Happy fucking Thanksgiving, The New Yorker
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: two people sit at a table with a huge cornucopia of food spilling out—the diners both slump down in their chairs and wear frowns on their faces. A person in a bow tie (presumably a waiter) stands next to the table. - Art by Shannon Wheeler MY CAPTION: Father returned home from the cornucopia factory, put on his evening bow tie, and served us yet another horn of plenty. "Killillll ussssssss," we hissed.
November 19, 2025 at 6:39 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
Try to deny it, The New Yorker.
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: a classroom, but the teacher and students are dogs. The teacher is standing at the front before a blackboard holding up what looks like a globe, but instead of it being Earth, the globe is a tennis ball. The kid dogs are all seated around the teacher in a semi circle looking entranced (except one kid on their back sleeping/playing dead?) MY CAPTION: "Ball is life" the class chanted in unison.
November 13, 2025 at 1:29 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
You know whose political platform is always relevant? That "Rent Is Too Damned High" guy.
Jimmy McMillan, a politician who always runs as The-Rent-Is-Too-Damn-High party, looking like a Black Colonel Sanders, raising one fist to the sky, saying “THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH”
November 11, 2025 at 11:43 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
I not only got to vote against Cuomo, but FOR Mamdani. It’s been a long time since I didn’t just go with the lesser of evils.
A sticker that says Brooklyn VOTES EARLY
November 1, 2025 at 9:13 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
This has got to be the one, The New Yorker.
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: Cheerleader in the full outfit with arms up holding pom poms, but she’s horizontal, lying prone on a couch in what appears to be a therapy session with a therapisty person next to her in a chair, sitting up taking notes. MY CAPTION: "Give me a Zoloft."
October 31, 2025 at 6:01 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
A play in three acts
My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog Baker under the blankets in bed looking at me My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog Baker under the blankets in bed looking a little to the side My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog Baker under the blankets in bed looking all the way to the side
October 31, 2025 at 12:35 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
fuck grok
Room with walls splashed with blood and text saying “Caption this with the 2nd to last text you sent."
October 26, 2025 at 11:52 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
Pre-Trump1 was a simpler time.
@batkaren tweet on X.com I can't wait until I'm either wealthy or psychotic enough to have a ballroom 10:30 AM • 10/21/16
October 22, 2025 at 11:53 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
This is the one, The New Yorker
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: a guy sits on a couch with a skeleton, the two of them watching tv together. The guy has a bowl of popcorn on his lap and is reaching one hand over to touch the skeleton’s arm. MY CAPTION: Aside from the toothy BJs, it was the most intensely sexual and romantic relationship Jerry had ever been in…and honestly, he was starting to like the teeth thing.
October 21, 2025 at 3:41 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
I know it’s supposed to be No Kings Day, but it’s Baker’s 3rd birthday today!
My perfect angel dark-brindle French bulldog Baker sitting and looking up, and he’s so tucking cute.
October 18, 2025 at 2:56 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
from the IMDb for Isle of Dogs—there’s never been a more Wes Andersonian credit
Anjelica Huston Mute Poodle (voice)
October 7, 2025 at 4:38 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
I know I’ve said this before, but I think this might be the one, The New Yorker 🤞🏻
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: an office space with a clown sitting at a desk, speaking to a businessperson standing on the other side of the desk, holding a briefcase. MY CAPTION: "Welcome to late-stage capitalism, buddy."
October 7, 2025 at 1:50 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
Evil versus my pretend ass
Black cat with hooded green eyes in a black and red vampire costume looking evil as fuck French bulldog in the same black and red vampire costume looking derpy-cute as hell
September 29, 2025 at 11:12 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
Frantically chanting to myself “the Justin-Trudeau-as-hobbit-Jesus candle can’t hurt you the Justin-Trudeau-as-hobbit-Jesus candle can’t hurt you”
A candle someone left on a ledge in my apartment hallway with Christ and big cross over his head, but Christ is looking a whole fucking lot like Justin Trudeau as a hobbit.
September 28, 2025 at 5:03 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
ah damn, so close
old tweet from my @batkaren account @batkaren X.com The year is 2075. The 78th X-Men movie is released. It's garbage. There's a three-second shot of a buoy played by Stan Lee's bobbing corpse. 10:44 PM • 4/9/17
September 19, 2025 at 11:30 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
Didn’t realize it was to keep us in, The New Yorker
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: A person climbing over the top of a very tall wall outside with another person at the bottom yelling up to them. MY CAPTION: "Look like we can escape into Mexico?"
September 15, 2025 at 2:27 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my 12 cups of coffee, The New Yorker.
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: two people approach each other—the more female presenting one is speaking and holding 12 steaming mugs (in three rows: 3 on top, 4 in the middle, 5 on the bottom) MY CAPTION: “Get your own fucking coffee.”
September 9, 2025 at 10:03 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
1) survey holdings
2) lean contentedly
3) “BEHOLD MY TWO SEATS”
3 stick-figure instructional images: 1) stick figure standing in a train door 2) stick figure holding on to a wall handle, sorta looking like they’re leaning 3) stick figure in front of two seats holding arms up in mighty triumph (or maybe opening the window?)
August 30, 2025 at 8:54 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
ah, the majesty
NYT article: These Majestic Seabirds Never Stop Pooping
August 24, 2025 at 3:59 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
I mean…
Men’s bathroom door signs that read in order “STEP UP” “MEN” “PLEASE STEP UP”
August 24, 2025 at 2:47 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
honk shoooooo
My adorable dark-brindle French bulldog Baker perfectly tucked under a sheet sleeping on the bed
August 23, 2025 at 3:53 AM
batkaren.bsky.social
Not ominous at all…
Voicemail transcript that says only “Goodbye…”
August 13, 2025 at 5:10 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
🎶LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY. LIBERTY, The New Yorker.
NEW YORKER CAPTION CONTEST IMAGE: a person atop an emu in an urban setting speaks to a person on the ground. MY CAPTION: “OH GOD LIMU JUST KILLED DOUG!”
August 12, 2025 at 10:54 PM
batkaren.bsky.social
He definitely side sits
My beautiful dark-brindle French bulldog Baker sort of side sitting in his crate
August 9, 2025 at 3:49 AM