Helper Monkey, aka Antifa
@ayeeye-mindfuque.bsky.social
Helper Monkey's my slave name. My birth name is ¡Yaoweeeeeech! I was torn out of me mum's arms as a wee bairn, & am now forced to do tricks for a fat talking head. He thinks he's in control, but this is my account, now. I llke macadamia nuts & CoCo Puffs.
I have just been honoured with the much coveted Popeye's Chicken Sexiest Man Alive Award, and I most humbly accept this truly great and much deserved prize on behalf of sexy people everywhere. I would like to give thanks those who made this all possible, they being Me, Myself, and I. I am welcome.
December 7, 2025 at 12:22 AM
I have just been honoured with the much coveted Popeye's Chicken Sexiest Man Alive Award, and I most humbly accept this truly great and much deserved prize on behalf of sexy people everywhere. I would like to give thanks those who made this all possible, they being Me, Myself, and I. I am welcome.
Channeling ourinner Kash Patel, are we?
November 29, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Channeling ourinner Kash Patel, are we?
"Epstein's Island? All I know about Epstein's fucking Island is that the coke was plentiful, but cut to shit. Beyond that, I can't remember much. Have they talked to the pig?"
November 15, 2025 at 9:01 PM
"Epstein's Island? All I know about Epstein's fucking Island is that the coke was plentiful, but cut to shit. Beyond that, I can't remember much. Have they talked to the pig?"
I'm cheating because I couldn't decide between the three. Too much like a Sophie's Choice situation.
November 12, 2025 at 3:00 AM
I'm cheating because I couldn't decide between the three. Too much like a Sophie's Choice situation.
Elon Musk is the plain yoghurt after all the bacteria has died off.
November 11, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Elon Musk is the plain yoghurt after all the bacteria has died off.
"I'm Mike Johnson, and President Trump approves this message, so I do, too...Oh, wait! I have to take this. My son is masturbating."
October 26, 2025 at 2:57 PM
"I'm Mike Johnson, and President Trump approves this message, so I do, too...Oh, wait! I have to take this. My son is masturbating."
These are the top four nominees for Washington's Most Punchable Face 2025 (Who Are Not Ted Cruz):
(Vote in the comments)
(Vote in the comments)
October 9, 2025 at 2:06 AM
These are the top four nominees for Washington's Most Punchable Face 2025 (Who Are Not Ted Cruz):
(Vote in the comments)
(Vote in the comments)
Most criminals post bond to the court in order to delay justice.
Donald Trump posted Bondi to the Justice Department to further his crimes and cover-up the Epstein Files.
Guess who got more bang for their bucks.
Donald Trump posted Bondi to the Justice Department to further his crimes and cover-up the Epstein Files.
Guess who got more bang for their bucks.
October 8, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Most criminals post bond to the court in order to delay justice.
Donald Trump posted Bondi to the Justice Department to further his crimes and cover-up the Epstein Files.
Guess who got more bang for their bucks.
Donald Trump posted Bondi to the Justice Department to further his crimes and cover-up the Epstein Files.
Guess who got more bang for their bucks.
What is this thing you call "the Black and White cookie?"
September 22, 2025 at 7:32 AM
What is this thing you call "the Black and White cookie?"
What is this thing you call "the Black and White cookie?"
September 22, 2025 at 7:31 AM
What is this thing you call "the Black and White cookie?"
Now let us all lift to the heavens our normal-sized heads and praise Him, our new Lord and Messiah, St. Charlie of the Kirk-Krist, Patron Saint of periodontal deniers, plaque, and the feeble of mind, for God so loved Him that He called ICE on his other bastard son, Jesus H., for being woke as shit.
September 22, 2025 at 5:37 AM
Now let us all lift to the heavens our normal-sized heads and praise Him, our new Lord and Messiah, St. Charlie of the Kirk-Krist, Patron Saint of periodontal deniers, plaque, and the feeble of mind, for God so loved Him that He called ICE on his other bastard son, Jesus H., for being woke as shit.