Axertz
@axertz.bsky.social
Minneapolis-based necromancy enthusiast. No longer allergic to cats. I like Paradise Lost and watching people play Magic: The Gathering. Big fan of open borders and trans rights. I will deny onions to the Austrians (those dogs!). Gefeolað we!
He/him
He/him
God or the Phytohydra? "Who seeks To lessen thee, against his purpose serves To manifest the more thy might" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 14, 2025 at 8:27 PM
God or the Phytohydra? "Who seeks To lessen thee, against his purpose serves To manifest the more thy might" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Aeschylus said "I think the creature cards care little if they sleep or rise again." Milton disagreed, saying that when Rest in Peace is in play, those cards consider themselves "Placed in a Paradise, by our exile Made happy." #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 13, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Aeschylus said "I think the creature cards care little if they sleep or rise again." Milton disagreed, saying that when Rest in Peace is in play, those cards consider themselves "Placed in a Paradise, by our exile Made happy." #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Milton's hatred for legacy staple Up the Beanstalk was mostly to do with the affront of daring to climb to the heavens, but he also had more practical concerns: "Wretched man! what food Will he convey up thither, to sustain Himself". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 12, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Milton's hatred for legacy staple Up the Beanstalk was mostly to do with the affront of daring to climb to the heavens, but he also had more practical concerns: "Wretched man! what food Will he convey up thither, to sustain Himself". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
I polished the right thumbnail of a virgin boy and conjured the image of a demon onto it and asked the fiend a question. Its answer was that Elder Scrolls 6 would be the last mainline Elder Scrolls game made by Bethesda. This was frustrating because my question was "when will Jerry Jones die?"
December 12, 2025 at 12:15 AM
I polished the right thumbnail of a virgin boy and conjured the image of a demon onto it and asked the fiend a question. Its answer was that Elder Scrolls 6 would be the last mainline Elder Scrolls game made by Bethesda. This was frustrating because my question was "when will Jerry Jones die?"
Milton regarded graveyard strategies as godless and perverted, saying of Bazaar of Baghdad, "Crooked by nature, bent, as now appears, More to the part sinister, from me drawn; Well if thrown out". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 11, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Milton regarded graveyard strategies as godless and perverted, saying of Bazaar of Baghdad, "Crooked by nature, bent, as now appears, More to the part sinister, from me drawn; Well if thrown out". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Of the preeminent mana dorks there is DRS, and then there is, as Milton said, "the other whose gay train Adorns him, coloured with the florid hue Of rainbows", Birds of Paradise. #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 10, 2025 at 5:40 PM
Of the preeminent mana dorks there is DRS, and then there is, as Milton said, "the other whose gay train Adorns him, coloured with the florid hue Of rainbows", Birds of Paradise. #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Everyone goes through a merfolk phase. During Milton's, his especial card was Mist-Cloaked Herald. He lovingly described the card thusly: "and, to elude, thus wrapt in mist Of midnight vapour glide obscure". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 9, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Everyone goes through a merfolk phase. During Milton's, his especial card was Mist-Cloaked Herald. He lovingly described the card thusly: "and, to elude, thus wrapt in mist Of midnight vapour glide obscure". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
When characterizing the relationship between Adam and Eve, Milton was drawn to magic's soulbond mechanic, and specifically Breathkeeper Seraph: "If death Consort with thee, death is to me as life". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 8, 2025 at 4:01 PM
When characterizing the relationship between Adam and Eve, Milton was drawn to magic's soulbond mechanic, and specifically Breathkeeper Seraph: "If death Consort with thee, death is to me as life". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Every hotspot in a civil war battlefield is either called "bed of daises" or "hell's own antechamber"
December 8, 2025 at 4:33 AM
Every hotspot in a civil war battlefield is either called "bed of daises" or "hell's own antechamber"
The lion spoke to Milton, saying, "to short absence I could yield: For solitude sometimes is best society, And short retirement urges sweet return," and so the poet cast Ephemerate. #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 7, 2025 at 8:18 PM
The lion spoke to Milton, saying, "to short absence I could yield: For solitude sometimes is best society, And short retirement urges sweet return," and so the poet cast Ephemerate. #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
I'm playing through Rise of the Tomb Raider for the first time after having played the first game in the series 8 years ago. And it is a weird experience gathering my thoughts together about the second game in a series when I played but do not remember my experience with the first game. 1/9
December 7, 2025 at 1:47 AM
I'm playing through Rise of the Tomb Raider for the first time after having played the first game in the series 8 years ago. And it is a weird experience gathering my thoughts together about the second game in a series when I played but do not remember my experience with the first game. 1/9
My favorite type of sports commentary is when the commentator unloads a paragraph about how bad team A was in the game and then throws in a sentence at the end saying, "but of course you have to give some credit to team B as well". There's an oblique viciousness to it.
December 6, 2025 at 6:04 PM
My favorite type of sports commentary is when the commentator unloads a paragraph about how bad team A was in the game and then throws in a sentence at the end saying, "but of course you have to give some credit to team B as well". There's an oblique viciousness to it.
Milton favors Golgari Grave-Troll being unrestricted so that once more it can be a four-of "and with his carcase glut the grave". A controversial opinion, but maybe let's try it? #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 6, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Milton favors Golgari Grave-Troll being unrestricted so that once more it can be a four-of "and with his carcase glut the grave". A controversial opinion, but maybe let's try it? #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Milton's faith was shaken by the printing of Enthralling Victor: "Man should be seduced, And flattered out of all, believing lies Against his Maker" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 5, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Milton's faith was shaken by the printing of Enthralling Victor: "Man should be seduced, And flattered out of all, believing lies Against his Maker" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
For the sake of diversity I have a 2026 goal to get one band with a male vocalist into my top 5.
December 5, 2025 at 2:42 AM
For the sake of diversity I have a 2026 goal to get one band with a male vocalist into my top 5.
Did Liliana defy Bolas out of righteousness or merely out of pride? Milton imagined the latter when considering Price of Betrayal: "And what is else not to be overcome? That glory never shall his wrath or might Extort from me" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 4, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Did Liliana defy Bolas out of righteousness or merely out of pride? Milton imagined the latter when considering Price of Betrayal: "And what is else not to be overcome? That glory never shall his wrath or might Extort from me" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
"Things by their names I call, though yet unnamed" Milton said of the card that was the cause of legacy players running a mix of snow and non-snow basics in their decks for many years: Predict. #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 3, 2025 at 2:55 PM
"Things by their names I call, though yet unnamed" Milton said of the card that was the cause of legacy players running a mix of snow and non-snow basics in their decks for many years: Predict. #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Milton was at first confused about how to build Lynde, Cheerful Tormentor in #edh, asking "what can I encrease, Or multiply, but curses on my head?" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 2, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Milton was at first confused about how to build Lynde, Cheerful Tormentor in #edh, asking "what can I encrease, Or multiply, but curses on my head?" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Reposted by Axertz
I have come to the idea that we have to collectively, brutally, ritualistically kill Target just to show capital that we truly aren’t fucking around.
December 1, 2025 at 7:39 PM
I have come to the idea that we have to collectively, brutally, ritualistically kill Target just to show capital that we truly aren’t fucking around.
Milton submitted flavor text for War of the Spark's print of Unlikely Aid but it was rejected by WOTC: "As joined in injuries, one enmity Against a foe by doom express assigned us" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
December 1, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Milton submitted flavor text for War of the Spark's print of Unlikely Aid but it was rejected by WOTC: "As joined in injuries, one enmity Against a foe by doom express assigned us" #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Did you know that Milton was ahead of the curve on tuberculosis chic? Here's how the famous Liliana simp reacted when Liliana, the Last Hope was released: "so much of death her thoughts Had entertained, as dyed her cheeks with pale." #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
November 30, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Did you know that Milton was ahead of the curve on tuberculosis chic? Here's how the famous Liliana simp reacted when Liliana, the Last Hope was released: "so much of death her thoughts Had entertained, as dyed her cheeks with pale." #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Anarchists write the best smutty mechsploitation novellas, I'll give 'em that.
November 30, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Anarchists write the best smutty mechsploitation novellas, I'll give 'em that.
Fun fact: Milton was the only player ever to put the card Break Open in a deck. He just really disliked hidden information: "Whence and what art thou, execrable Shape". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
November 29, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Fun fact: Milton was the only player ever to put the card Break Open in a deck. He just really disliked hidden information: "Whence and what art thou, execrable Shape". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
Academic papers have been written about why Medusa shows up in Paradise lost. The real answer is Milton was inspired by the story line that gave us Vraska, Betrayal's Sting: "to oppose th’ attempt, Medusa with Gorgonian terror guards". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond
November 28, 2025 at 4:16 PM
Academic papers have been written about why Medusa shows up in Paradise lost. The real answer is Milton was inspired by the story line that gave us Vraska, Betrayal's Sting: "to oppose th’ attempt, Medusa with Gorgonian terror guards". #mtgXparadiselost #universesbeyond