Author Evan Witmer
@author-evan-witmer.bsky.social
Author of Pages from the Pizza Crows, Digest: 10 Short Stories by Convicted & Plausible People-Eaters, and How To Burn This Book. Soon the be author of Tall People—a novel about the social lives of anthropomorphic kaiju.
https://linktr.ee/Authorevanwitmer
https://linktr.ee/Authorevanwitmer
Pinned
Honestly?
My balls.
My balls.
September 10, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Honestly?
My balls.
My balls.
Love ur friends. It’s the best thing u ever did
September 6, 2025 at 5:54 AM
Love ur friends. It’s the best thing u ever did
Man I hope Joker in the Gunn universe actually does #clownshit I want him to throw pies. Squirt shit. Drive a tiny car.
#dcu #batman
#dcu #batman
August 21, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Man I hope Joker in the Gunn universe actually does #clownshit I want him to throw pies. Squirt shit. Drive a tiny car.
#dcu #batman
#dcu #batman
Would the Eunuch Maker reattach my balls to my neck? Or would that be “too far.” #truecrime
August 19, 2025 at 1:28 AM
Would the Eunuch Maker reattach my balls to my neck? Or would that be “too far.” #truecrime
August 3, 2025 at 3:05 AM
Check out my #booktrailer for the 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Central Canadian Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition
#bookish
#bookish
May 22, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Check out my #booktrailer for the 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Central Canadian Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition
#bookish
#bookish
I need AC. I’m not Europeein
May 19, 2025 at 1:58 PM
I need AC. I’m not Europeein
Take a moment to enjoy a pig video today. Your heart will thank you for it 🐷
May 18, 2025 at 11:53 PM
Take a moment to enjoy a pig video today. Your heart will thank you for it 🐷
Hope everyone is having a good day :) sick today, might be allergies
May 17, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Hope everyone is having a good day :) sick today, might be allergies
Howdy (dowdy doo)
May 8, 2025 at 2:54 AM
Howdy (dowdy doo)
May 1, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Got a cease and desist from #wutangclan Kind of surprised. Thought it’d come from #sega
April 23, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Got a cease and desist from #wutangclan Kind of surprised. Thought it’d come from #sega
The heatlamps is what makes it good
April 23, 2025 at 12:03 AM
The heatlamps is what makes it good
Cool authors don’t follow the rules. “Not for resale.” Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? #bookish #authors #writingtips #selfpublishingjourney #kdpamazon
April 22, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Cool authors don’t follow the rules. “Not for resale.” Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? #bookish #authors #writingtips #selfpublishingjourney #kdpamazon
April 19, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Convincing you to read my book based on the first word. #bookish #booktrend
April 16, 2025 at 10:21 PM
Convincing you to read my book based on the first word. #bookish #booktrend
I hate when dating apps make my friends sad. Literally the coldest, most vapid contest on earth making genuinely golden people feel passed on.
April 13, 2025 at 3:07 AM
I hate when dating apps make my friends sad. Literally the coldest, most vapid contest on earth making genuinely golden people feel passed on.
Looking for new beta readers for a story about left-handed people in a world that doesn’t like them. #arc #betareader #bookish #lefthanded
April 8, 2025 at 2:24 PM
Looking for new beta readers for a story about left-handed people in a world that doesn’t like them. #arc #betareader #bookish #lefthanded
Hired a model to pose with my book. Asked if she’d wear a funny hat and she didn’t disappoint. #bookish #books #bookphotography #model
Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.
Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.
April 3, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Hired a model to pose with my book. Asked if she’d wear a funny hat and she didn’t disappoint. #bookish #books #bookphotography #model
Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.
Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.
Oh Bon Iver, you sad Winter man.
April 1, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Oh Bon Iver, you sad Winter man.
Got my new flag hung up next to its brother. Can’t we’ll all just:
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology
March 29, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Got my new flag hung up next to its brother. Can’t we’ll all just:
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology