Angry Santa Elf
@angrysantaelf.bsky.social
Exactly why are we celebrating the holidays this year?
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The Elf Who Lost His Hand in a Tragic Toy Factory Accident (Holiday Special)
YouTube video by Francesco Marciuliano
youtu.be
The Elf Who Lost His Hand in a Tragic Toy Factory Accident—The heartwarming holiday special about Christmas joy and factory-related dismemberment youtu.be/cinypEf1xxQ
#christmas #holiday #holidayseason
#christmas #holiday #holidayseason
One week to Thanksgiving. Five weeks to Christmas. About three minutes before Santa starts faking a cold, coma or Hansen's disease to get out of delivering presents this year.
November 20, 2025 at 4:55 PM
One week to Thanksgiving. Five weeks to Christmas. About three minutes before Santa starts faking a cold, coma or Hansen's disease to get out of delivering presents this year.
Everyone who asks Santa for a car will have to come to the Arctic for a “Hands on a Hard Body”-style competition. Last one standing with a hand still on the car wins. Everyone else would have died of hypothermia in first 20 minutes.
November 19, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Everyone who asks Santa for a car will have to come to the Arctic for a “Hands on a Hard Body”-style competition. Last one standing with a hand still on the car wins. Everyone else would have died of hypothermia in first 20 minutes.
Trying to be fully present and centered so that when the time comes I’ll have the necessary focus to punch the right people.
November 19, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Trying to be fully present and centered so that when the time comes I’ll have the necessary focus to punch the right people.
You know you don’t like your job when you wake up each morning hoping it’s night so you can go back to bed again
November 19, 2025 at 4:35 PM
You know you don’t like your job when you wake up each morning hoping it’s night so you can go back to bed again
Thanks to the Cloudflare outage, Santa's Village was down all morning. When we went back online we only has wishlists up to 1972. So who still wants a Low Draft Number Ken Doll?
November 18, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Thanks to the Cloudflare outage, Santa's Village was down all morning. When we went back online we only has wishlists up to 1972. So who still wants a Low Draft Number Ken Doll?
Are you looking for holiday work? Are you willing to relocate? Are you bereft of any familial ties who may start an investigation into your factory and/or polar bear-related fatality? If you said "YES" to all contact SantaCo now!
November 17, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Are you looking for holiday work? Are you willing to relocate? Are you bereft of any familial ties who may start an investigation into your factory and/or polar bear-related fatality? If you said "YES" to all contact SantaCo now!
November 17, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Remember last year when we all wrote in our holiday cards "So long, 2024! Here's to a better 2025!"
How about this year we just write "Next month is January."
How about this year we just write "Next month is January."
November 17, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Remember last year when we all wrote in our holiday cards "So long, 2024! Here's to a better 2025!"
How about this year we just write "Next month is January."
How about this year we just write "Next month is January."
The original name for “The Game of Life” was “47 Peg Kids and Then You Die”
November 15, 2025 at 3:03 PM
The original name for “The Game of Life” was “47 Peg Kids and Then You Die”
Santa gets very tense Christmas Eve. So if you surprise him while he's delivering gifts that roundhouse kick is on you.
November 15, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Santa gets very tense Christmas Eve. So if you surprise him while he's delivering gifts that roundhouse kick is on you.
Sometimes Santa will wake up a kid Christmas Eve to ask “What do you think this text from my ex means? Do you think she wants me back?”
November 14, 2025 at 8:01 PM
Sometimes Santa will wake up a kid Christmas Eve to ask “What do you think this text from my ex means? Do you think she wants me back?”
To anyone asking Santa for a Home Robot, two things to keep in mind:
1. Do not give it access to knives, pencils, toenail clippings, sharply creased pieces of paper or anything else it will use to puncture your heart.
2. Give it a fun name. Like “Jim-Jim.”
1. Do not give it access to knives, pencils, toenail clippings, sharply creased pieces of paper or anything else it will use to puncture your heart.
2. Give it a fun name. Like “Jim-Jim.”
November 14, 2025 at 6:25 PM
To anyone asking Santa for a Home Robot, two things to keep in mind:
1. Do not give it access to knives, pencils, toenail clippings, sharply creased pieces of paper or anything else it will use to puncture your heart.
2. Give it a fun name. Like “Jim-Jim.”
1. Do not give it access to knives, pencils, toenail clippings, sharply creased pieces of paper or anything else it will use to puncture your heart.
2. Give it a fun name. Like “Jim-Jim.”
Q. How does Santa deliver gifts if we don't have a chimney?
A. Well, if it's an apartment he goes through a window. Otherwise, he just drives a neighbor's car straight into your living room.
A. Well, if it's an apartment he goes through a window. Otherwise, he just drives a neighbor's car straight into your living room.
November 13, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Q. How does Santa deliver gifts if we don't have a chimney?
A. Well, if it's an apartment he goes through a window. Otherwise, he just drives a neighbor's car straight into your living room.
A. Well, if it's an apartment he goes through a window. Otherwise, he just drives a neighbor's car straight into your living room.
Santa's favorite possession isn't his sled or his iconic red suit. It's the shredder he uses on any kid's wishlist over a page long.
November 13, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Santa's favorite possession isn't his sled or his iconic red suit. It's the shredder he uses on any kid's wishlist over a page long.
Santa can speak every language in the world, but only the curse words. That's why kids don't get to take pictures with the real Santa Claus.
November 13, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Santa can speak every language in the world, but only the curse words. That's why kids don't get to take pictures with the real Santa Claus.
Every time a bell rings Santa got another worksite violation.
November 13, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Every time a bell rings Santa got another worksite violation.
For every gift you ask Santa for, Santa will take something from your house of equal but almost certainly far greater value. This might include large appliances and plumbing.
November 12, 2025 at 10:49 PM
For every gift you ask Santa for, Santa will take something from your house of equal but almost certainly far greater value. This might include large appliances and plumbing.
To speed the process Christmas Eve it would really help us if you could keep your doors unlocked, your security cameras off, and your keys in the your car's ignition. Trust me, all part of the holiday spirit.
November 11, 2025 at 2:21 PM
To speed the process Christmas Eve it would really help us if you could keep your doors unlocked, your security cameras off, and your keys in the your car's ignition. Trust me, all part of the holiday spirit.
If you wake up Christmas Eve to find Santa sitting on the edge of your bed crying and drinking, get ready to hear A LOT about his ex.
November 10, 2025 at 8:42 PM
If you wake up Christmas Eve to find Santa sitting on the edge of your bed crying and drinking, get ready to hear A LOT about his ex.
Remember that one toy you wanted from Santa but never got? We just found it wedged under the brake pedal of Santa's sled. This is why we kept going right off of roofs and into people's swimming pools.
November 10, 2025 at 3:13 PM
Remember that one toy you wanted from Santa but never got? We just found it wedged under the brake pedal of Santa's sled. This is why we kept going right off of roofs and into people's swimming pools.
If you asked for LEGO and got Mega Bloks instead, would you be happy? No. Remember that when we ask for keys to your liquor cabinet and you leave out milk for us instead.
November 8, 2025 at 4:27 PM
If you asked for LEGO and got Mega Bloks instead, would you be happy? No. Remember that when we ask for keys to your liquor cabinet and you leave out milk for us instead.
Santa claimed an elf protestor hurled an entire tray of lasagna at him. Jury found there’s no way an elf could afford lasagna on what Santa pays us.
November 6, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Santa claimed an elf protestor hurled an entire tray of lasagna at him. Jury found there’s no way an elf could afford lasagna on what Santa pays us.
ICE says they will arrest Santa if he appears in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. So Canada, get ready to see Santa in your Giant Tiger Uh, Our Thanksgiving Was LAST Month holiday parade!
November 6, 2025 at 3:52 PM
ICE says they will arrest Santa if he appears in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. So Canada, get ready to see Santa in your Giant Tiger Uh, Our Thanksgiving Was LAST Month holiday parade!
Santa said the only reason his elves voted against his policies is because all his policies are anti-elf. Otherwise, he said "I would have won 100% of the vote because the elves love me."
November 6, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Santa said the only reason his elves voted against his policies is because all his policies are anti-elf. Otherwise, he said "I would have won 100% of the vote because the elves love me."
Santa said the only reason his elves voted against his policies is because all his policies are anti-elf. Otherwise, he said "I would have won 100% of the vote because the elves love me."
November 6, 2025 at 2:32 PM
Santa said the only reason his elves voted against his policies is because all his policies are anti-elf. Otherwise, he said "I would have won 100% of the vote because the elves love me."