Andy Wheatley
@andywheatley.bsky.social
Independent Brand Strategist, CMO and former agency MD. Brands, politics, sustainability, rugby, life, child loss. More cheerful than it sounds. 1/2 Singaporean, 1/2 English. PA to His Excellency Field Marshal Juan Pablo Cardoza. andywheatley.com
As everybody knows, Field Marshall is an elite military unit with very heavy muscles. At 2024’s inspection he weighed 14.5kg & was told to lose 2kg. Yesterday, he weighed 17kg. During his subsequent court martial he claimed he was told to put ON 2kg not lose it. The Regiment is investigating. #FMJPC
November 1, 2025 at 9:55 AM
As everybody knows, Field Marshall is an elite military unit with very heavy muscles. At 2024’s inspection he weighed 14.5kg & was told to lose 2kg. Yesterday, he weighed 17kg. During his subsequent court martial he claimed he was told to put ON 2kg not lose it. The Regiment is investigating. #FMJPC
Elon Musk. Ridiculously stupid.
What is it with this world that we confuse wealth or business success with intelligence?
What is it with this world that we confuse wealth or business success with intelligence?
October 29, 2025 at 12:55 PM
Elon Musk. Ridiculously stupid.
What is it with this world that we confuse wealth or business success with intelligence?
What is it with this world that we confuse wealth or business success with intelligence?
You know what drives me mad?
That so many awful and nasty people are becoming politicians.
That so many awful and nasty people are becoming politicians.
October 27, 2025 at 8:38 PM
You know what drives me mad?
That so many awful and nasty people are becoming politicians.
That so many awful and nasty people are becoming politicians.
After a long day of feline border control, elite fighting machine Field Marshal JPC relaxes with his human bodyguard in the officer’s mess. Note that all weapons remain on display just in case a bastard infidel cat attacks. Rumours abound that this might be the manliest photo ever taken. #FMJPC
October 25, 2025 at 11:39 AM
After a long day of feline border control, elite fighting machine Field Marshal JPC relaxes with his human bodyguard in the officer’s mess. Note that all weapons remain on display just in case a bastard infidel cat attacks. Rumours abound that this might be the manliest photo ever taken. #FMJPC
Spent this evening at a candle-lit concert in the parish church in Cirencester listening to The Sixteen sing the music of Giovanni Palestrina, the Renaissance composer, for the opening night of the Cirencester History Festival. Just wonderful.
October 24, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Spent this evening at a candle-lit concert in the parish church in Cirencester listening to The Sixteen sing the music of Giovanni Palestrina, the Renaissance composer, for the opening night of the Cirencester History Festival. Just wonderful.
I currently split my working week between Yorkshire (client) and Gloucestershire (home). It’s a tough commute (yes - in a very privileged and middle class way) but having this fella waiting for me in Gloucestershire is really rather lovely.
October 18, 2025 at 9:14 AM
I currently split my working week between Yorkshire (client) and Gloucestershire (home). It’s a tough commute (yes - in a very privileged and middle class way) but having this fella waiting for me in Gloucestershire is really rather lovely.
I'm not sure but I think Field Marshal JPC's Bastard Infidel Sonar Cat Identification Tracker (Code name BISCIT) has malfunctioned. #FMJPC
October 17, 2025 at 2:01 PM
I'm not sure but I think Field Marshal JPC's Bastard Infidel Sonar Cat Identification Tracker (Code name BISCIT) has malfunctioned. #FMJPC
Raised a smile this morning.
October 5, 2025 at 9:07 AM
Raised a smile this morning.
He is in fine form, thank you for asking...
October 3, 2025 at 4:35 PM
He is in fine form, thank you for asking...
Earlier this week, as part of an exercise in checking my online profile and making sure it was conducive to searches by potential clients, I asked ChatGPT to tell me what it knows about me. The following statement is one of my proudest achievements...
October 3, 2025 at 4:29 PM
Earlier this week, as part of an exercise in checking my online profile and making sure it was conducive to searches by potential clients, I asked ChatGPT to tell me what it knows about me. The following statement is one of my proudest achievements...
Dear Sir,
Imagine my surprise……
Imagine my surprise……
October 1, 2025 at 8:54 PM
Dear Sir,
Imagine my surprise……
Imagine my surprise……
I’m not sure my irony testicles can take this one.
October 1, 2025 at 4:45 PM
I’m not sure my irony testicles can take this one.
Wow. These are North Korean levels of self-delusion.
September 27, 2025 at 7:16 PM
Wow. These are North Korean levels of self-delusion.
Stumbled across this almost fluorescent caterpillar this morning. Apparently it will turn into a pale tussock moth which will be remarkably dull in comparison to its current punk outfit.
September 19, 2025 at 8:48 AM
Stumbled across this almost fluorescent caterpillar this morning. Apparently it will turn into a pale tussock moth which will be remarkably dull in comparison to its current punk outfit.
Spent yesterday evening in one of my happiest places - Giffords Circus. We've been going since my wife was pregnant with our eldest daughter (who's now 19) & even in the years after our son died it was still a place of happiness and solace. Tweedy the Clown, magnificent as ever. Fabulous family fun.
September 15, 2025 at 9:15 AM
Spent yesterday evening in one of my happiest places - Giffords Circus. We've been going since my wife was pregnant with our eldest daughter (who's now 19) & even in the years after our son died it was still a place of happiness and solace. Tweedy the Clown, magnificent as ever. Fabulous family fun.
Looks legit....
I'm gonna be rich.
I'm gonna be rich.
September 14, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Looks legit....
I'm gonna be rich.
I'm gonna be rich.
Asked on #Newsnight if the murder of Charlie Kirk changed his mind on guns & if we should have them here, American David Rubin replied that there’d be more respect for free speech & more people would feel safe if they had more access to guns & felt they could defend themselves.
Colossal stupidity.
Colossal stupidity.
September 13, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Asked on #Newsnight if the murder of Charlie Kirk changed his mind on guns & if we should have them here, American David Rubin replied that there’d be more respect for free speech & more people would feel safe if they had more access to guns & felt they could defend themselves.
Colossal stupidity.
Colossal stupidity.
At 0900 Field Marshal JPC was found to be in possession of fleas. At his subsequent court martial, his defence that it was due to his undercover mission to rid the neighbourhood of the bastard infidel cats was dismissed. He has been sentenced to a flea bath & told to have a word with himself. #FMJPC
September 5, 2025 at 2:35 PM
At 0900 Field Marshal JPC was found to be in possession of fleas. At his subsequent court martial, his defence that it was due to his undercover mission to rid the neighbourhood of the bastard infidel cats was dismissed. He has been sentenced to a flea bath & told to have a word with himself. #FMJPC
My irony testicles are in full swing….
September 2, 2025 at 11:39 AM
My irony testicles are in full swing….
Sensible person who had more than half a brain in “was a Remainer” shock.
August 30, 2025 at 11:16 AM
Sensible person who had more than half a brain in “was a Remainer” shock.
The Regiment has received numerous enquiries about the Field Marshal. We can confirm that he is well and currently undergoing elite military training in an undisclosed location to prepare for Operation Bastard Infidel Cat. He can be seen here basking in the glory of his latest conquest. #FMJPC
August 27, 2025 at 11:50 AM
The Regiment has received numerous enquiries about the Field Marshal. We can confirm that he is well and currently undergoing elite military training in an undisclosed location to prepare for Operation Bastard Infidel Cat. He can be seen here basking in the glory of his latest conquest. #FMJPC
