You realise you've done both of these for me.

This keeps making me laugh.

I had a brain wave about this as it had been on my mind- maybe he heard that Pease Porridge nursery rhyme at school or on YouTube and that's where it entered his bizarre little brain.
Now I need to work out why he keeps telling people that his granny lives in a lighthouse.

You are unusually proactive in your own self-improvement for a sad person.

Don't @ me about using Prime. I'm disabled, housebound and poor and need to order things for the cheapest price online. Ethical shopping is not easy for povos.

"Gas smells awful, you might as well live"?

Just for that, take this unholy Internetting.

She's an absolute star 🌟