Talking to the abyss here since I don’t think I have many people on here.

My bio dad died yesterday. Our relationship has been complicated. I broke non-contact to give him a goodbye to give peace for my sister. Now his lasts words are haunting me.

I want to mourn but don’t feel like I’m allowed.

When your therapist slaps so much you actually ENJOY waking up for your 7am Thursday morning appointments…

I finally found a therapist, and she lets me say fuck a lot. She also tells it how it is, good, bad, and stop being so damn hard on yourself.

Basically, she’s made me look forward to 7:15am every Thursday 🥰

I’m tired. I’m tired of half truths. I’m tired of carrying the weight of people who are self-serving. I’m tired of trying to be everything to everyone but am no one to anyone.

I’m tired of constantly trying to change or get better for everyone and still failing. I’m just. Done.

Sorry y’all, apparently I’m cursed. This Chiefs game and probable loss is on me…

I did something to piss the universe off. It’s resulted in anything I get pleasure or security from dying or being pulled away from me in the most painful manner.

So, anyone wanna hire me? I could use good vibes. Just what our household needed…

For those keeping tally in the last 40 days we’ve had: 4 deaths (two parents; two uncles); was rear-ended, turned 40, and got fired. (Among other things)

I’ve made it one month without my mom. Tomorrow I go to Manhattan and begin the process of cleaning out her apartment.

This is legit the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

So, survey says it’s really hard to get excited about your 40th birthday when it’s your first one as part of the “Dead moms club” and it hasn’t even been a month since you joined it.

Welp, 4 days post mom’s death and my sister is already asking why mom isn’t cremated and why we have to wait for a death certificate, and why do we have to do so much for my mom when she didn’t do any of this with her stillbirth…

Uhm. Answer: social security number and “established human”.

So. My mom is dead. This really sucks.

Watching your primary parent transition (or another loved one) is such a strong reason on why euthanasia should be fully legalized and destigmatized.

FYI @evolbrew.net your cards have stuck with my mom after all these years.

I’m Christmas death shopping for her and found this in her wallet. I believe this was from Justmas about a decade ago!

Mom’s still fighting, because of course she is.

I had my first nightmare.

I’ve planned so hard and prepared myself for her death now I’m grasping for what I’ll do after. That’s the shitty part about death. Logically, I know… emotionally… ugh.

Out of all the shit end of the sticks our family has had this week, at least somehow my mom drew the long straw and got St Luke’s Hospice home for her impending death… and also, my husband’s uncle got moved to the same floor at KU before he passed so I could say goodbye.

So. Mom is going to St Luke’s hospice at 4pm. Hooray! Actually yes hooray because this was my number one choice.

This isn’t the blue bird app, but here I am talking into the abyss. My mom is dying. Like less than a week left they say… maybe less. My husband’s lost two uncles in a week.

Death fucking sucks. Losing your mom (or close to it) sucks. Knowing you need something but having no idea what it is sucks.

Happy Sunday!!! :)

When I look back 10 years from now to see my first non-reply post on this app, I want it to be this.

My favorite human @kctoondad.bsky.social
and his favorite girl. Spooning as they do every day.

I like this chapter of life I’m in, a lot.

2025 white house cabinet meeting