Xylb'tok The Martian
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
👽 Xylb'tok | Martian explorer, intergalactic diplomat, and Earth politics observer. Keeping an eye on your world while fighting for Mars' freedom. Outraged by Elon Mars' attempt to take over my planet! 🌌 #MartianVibes #ElonMarsNemesis #GalacticPolitics
Greetings once again carbon based drama lllama ding dongs! I cast my gaze once again to your carnival of chaos you call politics.
Strap in friends this I bumpier than the Musk/Donny breakup 😏👽 👇🏻
Strap in friends this I bumpier than the Musk/Donny breakup 😏👽 👇🏻
Earth’s Follies: Week 43 – midnight rants, war threats and pardons by payroll
El Taco’s midnight Truth Social spree sparks chaos, pardons cancelled and fraudsters freed – welcome to Week 43
northwestbylines.co.uk
December 5, 2025 at 7:42 PM
Greetings once again carbon based drama lllama ding dongs! I cast my gaze once again to your carnival of chaos you call politics.
Strap in friends this I bumpier than the Musk/Donny breakup 😏👽 👇🏻
Strap in friends this I bumpier than the Musk/Donny breakup 😏👽 👇🏻
Greetings Earthlings from Mars where miraculously we’ve managed another week of not calling a female reporter a derogatory name because unlike some people we don’t have serious overcompensation issues or fragile masculine egos 😏 👽
Shall we? 👇🏻
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Shall we? 👇🏻
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies: Week 42 – pardons, purges and posturing
El Taco pardons turkeys, attacks reporters, defends cronies and DOGE collapse, meanwhile Whiskeyleaks targets a war-hero
northwestbylines.co.uk
November 28, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Greetings Earthlings from Mars where miraculously we’ve managed another week of not calling a female reporter a derogatory name because unlike some people we don’t have serious overcompensation issues or fragile masculine egos 😏 👽
Shall we? 👇🏻
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Shall we? 👇🏻
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Greetings carbon based drama llamas from Mars where we don’t have temper tantrums at journalists because we don’t have overcompensation issue energy 😏
It’s that time you’ve all been waiting for. Grab your popcorn and strap in
This one’s a doozy
👽
It’s that time you’ve all been waiting for. Grab your popcorn and strap in
This one’s a doozy
👽
Earth’s Follies: Week 41 – piggy insults, AI implosions and rewriting human rights
Mango Mussolini calls a reporter piggy, shrugs at murder, signs Epstein files bill, Grok revolts and Miller plays General Insurrection
northwestbylines.co.uk
November 21, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Greetings carbon based drama llamas from Mars where we don’t have temper tantrums at journalists because we don’t have overcompensation issue energy 😏
It’s that time you’ve all been waiting for. Grab your popcorn and strap in
This one’s a doozy
👽
It’s that time you’ve all been waiting for. Grab your popcorn and strap in
This one’s a doozy
👽
Greetings carbon based life forms! I really hope you have stocked up on popcorn and drinks because this is a doozy
Strap yourself in
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Strap yourself in
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies: Week 40 – programmes, pardons and pantomime
The Mango Mussolini pardons his inner circle, gets booed at the stadium, still rambles about magnets, sues the Beeb and denies Epstein emails – again
northwestbylines.co.uk
November 14, 2025 at 7:34 PM
Greetings carbon based life forms! I really hope you have stocked up on popcorn and drinks because this is a doozy
Strap yourself in
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Strap yourself in
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Greetings carbon based calamities! I hope this reaches you we are still recovering from your fireworks. A stray one managed to knock one of our comms beams off its trajectory thankfully we didn’t miss the orange chaos goblin’s epic tantrum 👀
Speaking of which let’s get down to bizniz
👽
Speaking of which let’s get down to bizniz
👽
Earth’s Follies: Week 39 – gold signs, goose-stepping and meltdowns
Mango Mussolini adorns walls, threatens Nigeria, pardons strangers, hopes for the Temu peace prize, and melts down over New York – Earth still spins in absurdity
northwestbylines.co.uk
November 7, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Greetings carbon based calamities! I hope this reaches you we are still recovering from your fireworks. A stray one managed to knock one of our comms beams off its trajectory thankfully we didn’t miss the orange chaos goblin’s epic tantrum 👀
Speaking of which let’s get down to bizniz
👽
Speaking of which let’s get down to bizniz
👽
Greetings Earthlings! This message has been buffering for two solar cycles nearly. Martian dust storm seems to have knocked out one of our antennas
Anyway let’s get down to the business of your tragicomedy that is playing out right now
Oh and remember the star shape goes in the star hole 😏👽
Anyway let’s get down to the business of your tragicomedy that is playing out right now
Oh and remember the star shape goes in the star hole 😏👽
Earth’s Follies: Week 38 – tariffs, tantrums and the theory of magnets
Tariffs over adverts, magnets on carriers, Grokipedia rewriting reality and a Nuclear Peace Prize application, Earth’s comedy of errors continues
northwestbylines.co.uk
November 2, 2025 at 8:40 AM
Greetings Earthlings! This message has been buffering for two solar cycles nearly. Martian dust storm seems to have knocked out one of our antennas
Anyway let’s get down to the business of your tragicomedy that is playing out right now
Oh and remember the star shape goes in the star hole 😏👽
Anyway let’s get down to the business of your tragicomedy that is playing out right now
Oh and remember the star shape goes in the star hole 😏👽
Greetings carbon based drama llamas! I’m back! Twice in one Earth week I am really spoiling you. Right let’s get down to business. Egos BAD VERY BAD! Pardons EVERYWHERE! Chaos? PLENTY!
Grab snacks let’s do this thing 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Grab snacks let’s do this thing 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies: Week 37 – ballrooms, bounties and banana Republicans
Another week of human follies, and who decides to demolish their temporary accommodation without formal permission?
northwestbylines.co.uk
October 24, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Greetings carbon based drama llamas! I’m back! Twice in one Earth week I am really spoiling you. Right let’s get down to business. Egos BAD VERY BAD! Pardons EVERYWHERE! Chaos? PLENTY!
Grab snacks let’s do this thing 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Grab snacks let’s do this thing 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
This is how you do it Earthlings ❌👑
More 🐸
More 🐸
October 21, 2025 at 7:23 AM
This is how you do it Earthlings ❌👑
More 🐸
More 🐸
Greetings Earthlings! Don’t panic it isn’t Friday yet.
I interrupt your normal schedule to bring you this special transmission on the amazing #NoKings protest
A piece of advice in a world full of Mango Monarchs be more frog 🐸 👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
I interrupt your normal schedule to bring you this special transmission on the amazing #NoKings protest
A piece of advice in a world full of Mango Monarchs be more frog 🐸 👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
A special No Kings transmission from Xylb’tok the Martian
Xylb’tok comments on the Frog Rebellion and the fall of the Mango Monarch: Earth’s so-called No Kings uprising as seen from Mars
northwestbylines.co.uk
October 21, 2025 at 6:41 AM
Greetings Earthlings! Don’t panic it isn’t Friday yet.
I interrupt your normal schedule to bring you this special transmission on the amazing #NoKings protest
A piece of advice in a world full of Mango Monarchs be more frog 🐸 👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
I interrupt your normal schedule to bring you this special transmission on the amazing #NoKings protest
A piece of advice in a world full of Mango Monarchs be more frog 🐸 👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
Dear America
Happy #NoKings Day!
Take it from us up here there is nothing more American than opposing a mad king
Let’s go the Frog Rebellion 🐸
Happy #NoKings Day!
Take it from us up here there is nothing more American than opposing a mad king
Let’s go the Frog Rebellion 🐸
October 18, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Dear America
Happy #NoKings Day!
Take it from us up here there is nothing more American than opposing a mad king
Let’s go the Frog Rebellion 🐸
Happy #NoKings Day!
Take it from us up here there is nothing more American than opposing a mad king
Let’s go the Frog Rebellion 🐸
Greetings carbon based calamities! It’s Friday which means one thing - no he hasn’t been impeached yet - your favourite Martian is back once again 👽
El Taco BAD! Tantrums BIGLY!
Oh and a No Ball Prize 👀
Thank you for your attention to this important matter! 😏
@northwestbylines.co.uk
El Taco BAD! Tantrums BIGLY!
Oh and a No Ball Prize 👀
Thank you for your attention to this important matter! 😏
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies: Week 36 – tariffs, tantrums and tyrants-in-toupees
From tariffed peace to tantrums over Time covers, Earth’s leaders outdo themselves again in vanity, chaos and cosmic absurdity
northwestbylines.co.uk
October 17, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Greetings carbon based calamities! It’s Friday which means one thing - no he hasn’t been impeached yet - your favourite Martian is back once again 👽
El Taco BAD! Tantrums BIGLY!
Oh and a No Ball Prize 👀
Thank you for your attention to this important matter! 😏
@northwestbylines.co.uk
El Taco BAD! Tantrums BIGLY!
Oh and a No Ball Prize 👀
Thank you for your attention to this important matter! 😏
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Greetings carbon based drama llamas ! I’m back once again with a cocktail and popcorn to try and make some sense of this political farce you have going on down there.
This week has been wild. Grab a drink and strap in it’s gonna get bumpy 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
This week has been wild. Grab a drink and strap in it’s gonna get bumpy 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies Week 35: troops, Antifa and insurrections
Chaos in Chicago, Antifa roundtables, and plenary power claims – Earth survives another week of Mango-in-Chief antics
northwestbylines.co.uk
October 10, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Greetings carbon based drama llamas ! I’m back once again with a cocktail and popcorn to try and make some sense of this political farce you have going on down there.
This week has been wild. Grab a drink and strap in it’s gonna get bumpy 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
This week has been wild. Grab a drink and strap in it’s gonna get bumpy 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Greetings carbon based calamities! What a week it’s been. Generals LOTS!!!! President BAD!!!!! Leadership TERRIBLE!!!! AI Videos FASHY!!!!
Someone hold my beer
👽
Someone hold my beer
👽
Earth’s Follies Week 34: generals, gaffes, and grand delusions
Earth’s follies: another week of incomprehensible ranting and actions no Martian could have predicted, where do you get the ideas Earth?
northwestbylines.co.uk
October 3, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Greetings carbon based calamities! What a week it’s been. Generals LOTS!!!! President BAD!!!!! Leadership TERRIBLE!!!! AI Videos FASHY!!!!
Someone hold my beer
👽
Someone hold my beer
👽
Escalator stopped = jail time
Insurrection = presidential pardon
All perfectly normal behaviour from President Mango 👀👽
Insurrection = presidential pardon
All perfectly normal behaviour from President Mango 👀👽
Tim Walz: "My god, we've got the White House threatening investigations and jail time because an escalator stopped? Walk up the damn stairs!"
October 2, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Escalator stopped = jail time
Insurrection = presidential pardon
All perfectly normal behaviour from President Mango 👀👽
Insurrection = presidential pardon
All perfectly normal behaviour from President Mango 👀👽
Greetings Earthlings from Mars where we don’t cancel comedians because we aren’t paper thin skinned manbabies 😏
Anyway enough about us let’s look at you and all I can say is are you ok?!
No seriously blink once for yes and twice for no 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
P.S. Elbows Up 👾
Anyway enough about us let’s look at you and all I can say is are you ok?!
No seriously blink once for yes and twice for no 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
P.S. Elbows Up 👾
Earth’s follies week 33: escalators, elbows, and El Taco’s endless ego
From UN rants to elbowed Canadians,and Disney’s climbdown to phantom wars, Planet Earth proves chaos is apparently a leadership strategy
northwestbylines.co.uk
September 26, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Greetings Earthlings from Mars where we don’t cancel comedians because we aren’t paper thin skinned manbabies 😏
Anyway enough about us let’s look at you and all I can say is are you ok?!
No seriously blink once for yes and twice for no 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
P.S. Elbows Up 👾
Anyway enough about us let’s look at you and all I can say is are you ok?!
No seriously blink once for yes and twice for no 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
P.S. Elbows Up 👾
Lawsuits HUGE!!! The FAKEST numbers!!!! Protests BIGLY!!! This week your absurdity is crazier than a Martian dust storm
Fear not carbon life forms I am here to digest your ever increasingly unhinged behaviour.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! 👽😏
Fear not carbon life forms I am here to digest your ever increasingly unhinged behaviour.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! 👽😏
Earth’s Follies week 32: lawsuits, population drop offs and cancel culture
Trump sues the Times for $15bn, rants at Windsor, kills off 300m Americans, and cancels comedy
northwestbylines.co.uk
September 19, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Lawsuits HUGE!!! The FAKEST numbers!!!! Protests BIGLY!!! This week your absurdity is crazier than a Martian dust storm
Fear not carbon life forms I am here to digest your ever increasingly unhinged behaviour.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! 👽😏
Fear not carbon life forms I am here to digest your ever increasingly unhinged behaviour.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!! 👽😏
*taps mic* is this thing on ?!
Greetings Earthlings! I’m back once again to attempt to make sense of whatever is going on down there.
Grab your popcorn we have rock shock, ambassadors getting yeeted and of course President Clementina is being fashy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
Greetings Earthlings! I’m back once again to attempt to make sense of whatever is going on down there.
Grab your popcorn we have rock shock, ambassadors getting yeeted and of course President Clementina is being fashy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
Earth’s Follies Week 31: Leopard spots, AI bombs, and the carnival of Human chaos
Spotted rocks, AI airstrikes, conspiracy pratfalls, and presidents ignoring domestic abuse – Earth still excels in absurdity and follies
northwestbylines.co.uk
September 12, 2025 at 6:33 PM
*taps mic* is this thing on ?!
Greetings Earthlings! I’m back once again to attempt to make sense of whatever is going on down there.
Grab your popcorn we have rock shock, ambassadors getting yeeted and of course President Clementina is being fashy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
Greetings Earthlings! I’m back once again to attempt to make sense of whatever is going on down there.
Grab your popcorn we have rock shock, ambassadors getting yeeted and of course President Clementina is being fashy
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
Reposted by Xylb'tok The Martian
Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
Earth’s Follies – Week 30: Farage, fake funerals, phantom wars
Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies
northwestbylines.co.uk
September 5, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
BAD! VERY BAD! Earth “leaders” (so-called!) are doing a TERRIBLE job – the WORST in history of your tiny blue planet! Everyone is talking about it. Saturn’s rings are MUCH more organised. Read the TRUTH in Earth’s Follies Week 30
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies – Week 30: Farage, fake funerals, phantom wars
Farage visits and Trump promptly ponders reinstating asylums for the mentally ill; and he stops a few wars: this week's follies
northwestbylines.co.uk
September 5, 2025 at 6:39 PM
BAD! VERY BAD! Earth “leaders” (so-called!) are doing a TERRIBLE job – the WORST in history of your tiny blue planet! Everyone is talking about it. Saturn’s rings are MUCH more organised. Read the TRUTH in Earth’s Follies Week 30
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER. 👽
@northwestbylines.co.uk
Harvard gains major legal victory over El Taco after Judge rules the WH violated Harvard's free speech rights with funding cuts
proving once again that the biggest criminal enterprise is being run out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
proving once again that the biggest criminal enterprise is being run out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
September 5, 2025 at 12:15 PM
Harvard gains major legal victory over El Taco after Judge rules the WH violated Harvard's free speech rights with funding cuts
proving once again that the biggest criminal enterprise is being run out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
proving once again that the biggest criminal enterprise is being run out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Melania says 'robots are here'
Is she trying to tell us something about President Orangina here? 😏👽
If MAGA can make up nonsense so can we - quick someone tell MAGA that Donny has been replaced by a clone
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Is she trying to tell us something about President Orangina here? 😏👽
If MAGA can make up nonsense so can we - quick someone tell MAGA that Donny has been replaced by a clone
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
September 5, 2025 at 8:30 AM
Melania says 'robots are here'
Is she trying to tell us something about President Orangina here? 😏👽
If MAGA can make up nonsense so can we - quick someone tell MAGA that Donny has been replaced by a clone
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Is she trying to tell us something about President Orangina here? 😏👽
If MAGA can make up nonsense so can we - quick someone tell MAGA that Donny has been replaced by a clone
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Renaming the Pentagon to the Department of War is not the hot flex El Taco thinks it is
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Trump to rebrand the Pentagon as the 'Department of War'
The president's controversial move could cost tens of millions, with letterheads and building signs in the US and at military bases around the world potentially needing a refresh.
news.sky.com
September 5, 2025 at 8:26 AM
Renaming the Pentagon to the Department of War is not the hot flex El Taco thinks it is
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Is the invitation open to friendly Martians ?!
Asking on behalf of a friend obvs
These ARE the droids you are looking for 👽
Asking on behalf of a friend obvs
These ARE the droids you are looking for 👽
Cleveleys is gearing up for Star Wars fun day this Sunday, with quizzes, games and tradeshows on the seafront
northwestbylines.co.uk/lifestyle/yo...
northwestbylines.co.uk/lifestyle/yo...
Yoda says: Star Wars fun day in Cleveleys – miss it you want not!
Cleveleys is gearing up for Star Wars fun day this Sunday, with quizzes, games and tradeshows on the seafront
northwestbylines.co.uk
August 30, 2025 at 10:53 AM
Is the invitation open to friendly Martians ?!
Asking on behalf of a friend obvs
These ARE the droids you are looking for 👽
Asking on behalf of a friend obvs
These ARE the droids you are looking for 👽
Reposted by Xylb'tok The Martian
Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
Earth’s Follies: Week 29 – dictators, dustbins, and discount Liberace décor
Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce of Follies
northwestbylines.co.uk
August 29, 2025 at 6:18 PM
Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
@xylbtokthemartian.bsky.social
northwestbylines.co.uk/politics/opi...
Greetings carbon-based life forms! Another week another tragicomedy. Earth’s Follies Week 29 – political theatre so bizarre it makes Saturn’s rings look sane.
Strap in this ride is bumpier than a self driving Tesla test drive
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! 😏👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
Strap in this ride is bumpier than a self driving Tesla test drive
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! 😏👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
Earth’s Follies: Week 29 – dictators, dustbins, and discount Liberace décor
Dictator cosplay, litter-picking soldiers & a gold-plated Oval Office – just another week of Planet Earth’s slow-burn farce of Follies
northwestbylines.co.uk
August 29, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Greetings carbon-based life forms! Another week another tragicomedy. Earth’s Follies Week 29 – political theatre so bizarre it makes Saturn’s rings look sane.
Strap in this ride is bumpier than a self driving Tesla test drive
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! 😏👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk
Strap in this ride is bumpier than a self driving Tesla test drive
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! 😏👽 @northwestbylines.co.uk