thinking the Luddites were right

For the 2nd time I’ve had fire trucks surrounding my building for an emergency and no one(!!!!) has come out to check what’s up except for Jeff my neighbor who loves to see me fail

Some of you need to be NOSIER!!!!

McKenzie Bezos do you like alternative rock

Every single contestant on pop culture jeopardy deserves an Emmy. Colin Jost can have one too I think

I’m in love with the Montana (and her bisexual couple teammates) you can tell she’s really living in the moment

A boy I had a crush on in third grade is on my tv doing kind of badly at Pop Culture Jeopardy and good for him

Twice, the mayor of my town let his adult son force all of my high school to participate in a musical he said he wrote but was actually just south park the musical with the words kind of changed

I need to taste the old terrible Brussels sprouts before they fixed them to be tasty please

You might think you’d like to be the richest man on earth, but the sociopathy that requires and drama it creates would be absolute hell. Would rather live in the woods

I'm gonna be a lot sluttier when I don't have boobs anymore

How do I find the queer leftist Jews with mental health problems who all went to the same 3 small liberal arts college that I’ve never met but liked my selfies sometimes I used to follow??? Are they all still dating???

Don’t yell at me for never deleting my texts but im honestly impressed with whichever Zionist I pissed off that keeps signing me up, good commitment to the bit

I sincerely don’t know why people aren’t physically stopping those dorks. Move shit. Lock doors. Lose the keys. Everyone switch seats. Turn off all the lights. Switch the signs on the elevator lobby. Make the settings all silly. Use a different language. Wear costumes. Fill rooms with balloons

Anything they want, hide it or mislabel it. Anything they plug in, unplug it. Remove light bulbs. Move cubicles around so they hide some of the doors and when they leave the room move them again so they hide different doors. Play really loud music. Think like a cat and sabo tabby yourself a mess

Going to sleep is so girly, like how do boys even go night-night?

I’m beginning to think a lot of you don’t know what the word “unprecedented” means