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The Nutmeg News
@thenutmegnews.com
2.4K followers 0 following 300 posts
Satire, Humor, Commentary - Not Real News, Really
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johnspacemuller.com
Pretty rude to Josh Wolff
February 11, 2026 at 1:04 AM
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Fan Prepares To Obsess Over Meaningless Pre-Season Rankings

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Fan Prepares To Obsess Over Meaningless Pre-Season Rankings — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - Soccer fan Andrew Reynolds stated that he was preparing to obsess over the meaningless Pre-Season rankings for the upcoming Major League Soccer (MLS) season as he stoked his own intern...
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February 11, 2026 at 12:48 AM
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Fan Prepares To Obsess Over Meaningless Pre-Season Rankings

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Fan Prepares To Obsess Over Meaningless Pre-Season Rankings — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - Soccer fan Andrew Reynolds stated that he was preparing to obsess over the meaningless Pre-Season rankings for the upcoming Major League Soccer (MLS) season as he stoked his own intern...
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February 10, 2026 at 7:34 PM
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brentamoore.bsky.social
"EVEVERYONE KNOWS THAT DOYLE IS BIASED,” stated Reynolds into a mirror as he prepared for social media. “WHAT DOES THAT TOM BOGART EVEN KNOW!”
February 10, 2026 at 7:39 PM
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Fan Prepares To Obsess Over Meaningless Pre-Season Rankings

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Fan Prepares To Obsess Over Meaningless Pre-Season Rankings — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - Soccer fan Andrew Reynolds stated that he was preparing to obsess over the meaningless Pre-Season rankings for the upcoming Major League Soccer (MLS) season as he stoked his own intern...
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February 10, 2026 at 7:34 PM
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Overarching Sense Of Doom From Millennial's Life Leaking Into Her Soccer Support

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Overarching Sense Of Doom From Millennial's Life Leaking Into Her Soccer Support — The Nutmeg News
San Diego, CA - The overarching sense of doom from Jessica Brown's life is now leaking into her soccer support as everything seems pretty shit, these days.
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February 8, 2026 at 7:08 PM
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Major League Soccer Reassures Sponsors And Advertisers That They Will Be Protected From ICE Related Protests

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Major League Soccer Reassures Sponsors And Advertisers That They Will Be Protected From ICE Related Protests — The Nutmeg News
Major League Soccer (MLS) went out of their way to reassure sponsors and advertisers that they will be protected from ICE related protests as they stated, “We told our fans nothing political and we me...
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January 30, 2026 at 11:57 PM
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Major League Soccer Reassures Sponsors And Advertisers That They Will Be Protected From ICE Related Protests

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Major League Soccer Reassures Sponsors And Advertisers That They Will Be Protected From ICE Related Protests — The Nutmeg News
Major League Soccer (MLS) went out of their way to reassure sponsors and advertisers that they will be protected from ICE related protests as they stated, “We told our fans nothing political and we me...
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January 30, 2026 at 4:27 PM
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donbaldwin.bsky.social
I'm so angry at how accurate this is.

"Sources with teams in the league state that players themselves did not receive a phone call, but were sent a form email that stated, “look, if you were any better you wouldn’t be here in the first place so just deal with it and show your papers.”"
January 30, 2026 at 5:31 PM
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Major League Soccer Reassures Sponsors And Advertisers That They Will Be Protected From ICE Related Protests

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Major League Soccer Reassures Sponsors And Advertisers That They Will Be Protected From ICE Related Protests — The Nutmeg News
Major League Soccer (MLS) went out of their way to reassure sponsors and advertisers that they will be protected from ICE related protests as they stated, “We told our fans nothing political and we me...
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January 30, 2026 at 4:27 PM
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Trinity Rodman Is, Of Course, Greenland, But What About The Faroe Islands?

Danish Autonomous Regions As NWSL Stars And What That Means For The Future Of Capitalism
January 30, 2026 at 3:41 AM
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Doctor Increases Dosage Of Prescribed Soccer To Massively Depressed Man

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Doctor Increases Dosage Of Prescribed Soccer To Massively Depressed Man — The Nutmeg News
Denver, CO - Larry Contor told friends and family that his local physician, Dr. Stephen Wannamaker, increased the dosage of prescribed soccer in an effort to snap him out of his general feeling o...
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January 25, 2026 at 5:12 PM
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Doctor Increases Dosage Of Prescribed Soccer To Massively Depressed Man

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2016...
Doctor Increases Dosage Of Prescribed Soccer To Massively Depressed Man — The Nutmeg News
Denver, CO - Larry Contor told friends and family that his local physician, Dr. Stephen Wannamaker, increased the dosage of prescribed soccer in an effort to snap him out of his general feeling o...
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January 25, 2026 at 5:12 PM
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International Soccer Fan Updates Estate Planning And Last Will In Advance Of 2026 World Cup Games In The United States

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International Soccer Fan Updates Estate Planning And Last Will In Advance Of 2026 World Cup Games In The United States — The Nutmeg News
International soccer fan Javier Santana has reportedly updated his estate planning and last will in advance of 2026 World Cup games in the United States.
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January 24, 2026 at 4:50 PM
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International Soccer Fan Updates Estate Planning And Last Will In Advance Of 2026 World Cup Games In The United States

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
International Soccer Fan Updates Estate Planning And Last Will In Advance Of 2026 World Cup Games In The United States — The Nutmeg News
International soccer fan Javier Santana has reportedly updated his estate planning and last will in advance of 2026 World Cup games in the United States.
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January 24, 2026 at 4:50 PM
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"New Season, New Me," States Soccer Fan Still Relentlessly Shitposting Online

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"New Season, New Me," States Soccer Fan Still Relentlessly Shitposting Online — The Nutmeg News
NEW YORK - NYCFC fan Ceasar Delgado stated, “new season, new me,” while still relentlessly shitposting online and doing all the things he normally does as Major League Soccer inches closer to return.
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January 24, 2026 at 3:47 PM
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ICE Officer Has That Dream, Again, Where He Is Unable To Open Fire On World Cup Fan

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ICE Officer Has That Dream, Again, Where He Is Unable To Open Fire On World Cup Fan — The Nutmeg News
WISCONSIN - ICE agent Dale Masterton had that dream, again, where he is unable to open fire on a World Cup soccer fan after the confused person didn’t speak English, was unable to produce immigration ...
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January 24, 2026 at 1:27 AM
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Player Your Team Is Going To Sign Is Terrible

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Player Your Team Is Going To Sign Is Terrible — The Nutmeg News
Despite their statistics, their former team, or their pedigree, the player your team is going to sign very soon is actually pretty terrible.
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January 23, 2026 at 3:44 PM
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Soccer Fan More Aware Of Team Finances Than Own Finances

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Soccer Fan More Aware Of Team Finances Than Own Finances — The Nutmeg News
Miami, FL - Soccer fan Andrew Stewart is, according to friends and family, far more aware of the finances of the soccer team he supports than his own finances.
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January 21, 2026 at 8:01 PM
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brehlol.bsky.social
Well the Fire say they got money but are raising my STH price by $50 every year
January 21, 2026 at 8:19 PM
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likethe309.bsky.social
My bank account is none of my business

The Current's however, is definitely my business.
January 21, 2026 at 8:16 PM
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trevorwojcik.bsky.social
I take umbrage with this characterization. I know them both equally well.
January 21, 2026 at 8:10 PM
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kylebutoverhere.bsky.social
(Laughs nervously)
January 21, 2026 at 8:07 PM
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Soccer Fan More Aware Of Team Finances Than Own Finances

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
Soccer Fan More Aware Of Team Finances Than Own Finances — The Nutmeg News
Miami, FL - Soccer fan Andrew Stewart is, according to friends and family, far more aware of the finances of the soccer team he supports than his own finances.
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January 21, 2026 at 8:01 PM
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kearns.bsky.social
If you're going to subtweet me, dammit, at least get my name and club correct.
January 21, 2026 at 2:49 AM