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The Nutmeg News
@thenutmegnews.com
2.2K followers 0 following 270 posts
Satire, Humor, Commentary - Not Real News, Really
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sonofcrunch.bsky.social
Come for the FIFA bashing. Stay for the fash US government and tech bashing.
December 25, 2025 at 2:22 AM
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zerotense.bsky.social
lol omg
December 25, 2025 at 2:17 AM
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Santa Claus Files For Bankruptcy After Attempting To Fulfill The Ticket Wishes Of World Cup Fans

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Santa Claus Files For Bankruptcy After Attempting To Fulfill The Ticket Wishes Of World Cup Fans — The Nutmeg News
NORTH POLE - Santa Claus, the kindly spirit of Christmas, has reportedly filed for bankruptcy after attempting to fulfill the wishes for tickets to World Cup 2026 from World Cup fans.
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December 25, 2025 at 1:40 AM
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Soccer Player Qualifies For NWSL HIP Designation By Having, "Really Cool Tik Tok Video"

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Soccer Player Qualifies For NWSL HIP Designation By Having, "Really Cool Tik Tok Video" — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - An unnamed international soccer player reportedly qualified for the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) High impact Player (HIP) designation (designation) by having a, “really cool T...
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December 24, 2025 at 5:16 PM
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Soccer Player Qualifies For NWSL HIP Designation By Having, "Really Cool Tik Tok Video"

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Soccer Player Qualifies For NWSL HIP Designation By Having, "Really Cool Tik Tok Video" — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - An unnamed international soccer player reportedly qualified for the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) High impact Player (HIP) designation (designation) by having a, “really cool T...
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December 23, 2025 at 6:15 PM
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Soccer Player Qualifies For NWSL HIP Designation By Having, "Really Cool Tik Tok Video"

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Soccer Player Qualifies For NWSL HIP Designation By Having, "Really Cool Tik Tok Video" — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - An unnamed international soccer player reportedly qualified for the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) High impact Player (HIP) designation (designation) by having a, “really cool T...
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December 23, 2025 at 6:15 PM
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Santa Claus Files For Bankruptcy After Attempting To Fulfill The Ticket Wishes Of World Cup Fans

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Santa Claus Files For Bankruptcy After Attempting To Fulfill The Ticket Wishes Of World Cup Fans — The Nutmeg News
NORTH POLE - Santa Claus, the kindly spirit of Christmas, has reportedly filed for bankruptcy after attempting to fulfill the wishes for tickets to World Cup 2026 from World Cup fans.
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December 22, 2025 at 5:54 PM
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Santa Claus Files For Bankruptcy After Attempting To Fulfill The Ticket Wishes Of World Cup Fans

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Santa Claus Files For Bankruptcy After Attempting To Fulfill The Ticket Wishes Of World Cup Fans — The Nutmeg News
NORTH POLE - Santa Claus, the kindly spirit of Christmas, has reportedly filed for bankruptcy after attempting to fulfill the wishes for tickets to World Cup 2026 from World Cup fans.
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December 22, 2025 at 5:54 PM
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Family Announces VAR Will Mediate Holiday Disputes

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Family Announces VAR Will Mediate Holiday Disputes — The Nutmeg News
Seattle, WA - The Thompsons, of the Capitol Hill neighborhood in Seattle, announced today that all holiday disputes would now be judged by VAR as they finished the installation of high framerate video...
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December 19, 2025 at 1:12 AM
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FIFA Backtrack On World Cup Ticket Prices As They Announce 1 Obstructed View $60 Ticket Per Game Available For Purchase For Anyone Willing To Wear ICE GPS Tracking Device 24/7

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FIFA Backtrack On World Cup Ticket Prices As They Announce 1 Obstructed View $60 Ticket Per Game Available For Purchase For Anyone Willing To Wear ICE GPS Tracking Device 24/7 — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - The international money laundering cartel FIFA announced, on Tuesday, that they were backtracking on their ticket prices as they announced 1 obstructed view $60 ticket available for pu...
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December 16, 2025 at 6:36 PM
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FIFA Backtrack On World Cup Ticket Prices As They Announce 1 Obstructed View $60 Ticket Per Game Available For Purchase For Anyone Willing To Wear ICE GPS Tracking Device 24/7

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
FIFA Backtrack On World Cup Ticket Prices As They Announce 1 Obstructed View $60 Ticket Per Game Available For Purchase For Anyone Willing To Wear ICE GPS Tracking Device 24/7 — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - The international money laundering cartel FIFA announced, on Tuesday, that they were backtracking on their ticket prices as they announced 1 obstructed view $60 ticket available for pu...
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December 16, 2025 at 6:36 PM
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Journalist With Head Stuck In Sand Wont Let That Stop Him From Covering 2026 World Cup

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Journalist With Head Stuck In Sand Wont Let That Stop Him From Covering 2026 World Cup — The Nutmeg News
LOS ANGELES - Despite having his head stuck in the sand, journalist Ben Sanders stated that it wouldn’t stop him from covering the 2026 World Cup as he published an article about, “THE EXCITEMENT LEVE...
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December 10, 2025 at 9:58 PM
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Journalist With Head Stuck In Sand Wont Let That Stop Him From Covering 2026 World Cup

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Journalist With Head Stuck In Sand Wont Let That Stop Him From Covering 2026 World Cup — The Nutmeg News
LOS ANGELES - Despite having his head stuck in the sand, journalist Ben Sanders stated that it wouldn’t stop him from covering the 2026 World Cup as he published an article about, “THE EXCITEMENT LEVE...
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December 10, 2025 at 9:58 PM
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All Scottish Football Supporters To Be Banned From World Cup After United States Announces Required Five Year Review Of Social Media Posts

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All Scottish Football Supporters To Be Banned From World Cup After United States Announces Required Five Year Review Of Social Media Posts — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - All travelling Scottish Football Supporters are reportedly to be banned from attending the World Cup after the United States announced a required five year review of all social media p...
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December 10, 2025 at 5:49 PM
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All Scottish Football Supporters To Be Banned From World Cup After United States Announces Required Five Year Review Of Social Media Posts

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
All Scottish Football Supporters To Be Banned From World Cup After United States Announces Required Five Year Review Of Social Media Posts — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - All travelling Scottish Football Supporters are reportedly to be banned from attending the World Cup after the United States announced a required five year review of all social media p...
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December 10, 2025 at 5:49 PM
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Lionel Messi Named MLS MVP Of The First Five Minutes Of MLS Cup 2025

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Lionel Messi Named MLS MVP Of The First Five Minutes Of MLS Cup 2025 — The Nutmeg News
MIAMI - Lionel Messi was named the MLS MVP Of The First Five Minutes Of MLS Cup 2025 by the collected executives of Major League Soccer as the final game of the season kicked off for 2025.
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December 6, 2025 at 7:59 PM
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Nation's Racists Announce Plan To Unite Behind USMNT Until They Lose

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Nation's Racists Announce Plan To Unite Behind USMNT Until They Lose — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - In an effort to be ready for the 2026 World Cup,. racists across the United States announced their plan to unite behind the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT) in an effort to pr...
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December 6, 2025 at 5:47 PM
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World Cup 2026 To Feature Literal Group Of Death

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World Cup 2026 Draw To Feature Literal Group Of Death — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - Sources indicate that the 2026 World Cup Draw will feature a literal group of death as the United States government has stated, “unwelcome teams with subhuman fans who are not welcome ...
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December 6, 2025 at 3:22 PM
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wesburdine.bsky.social
Nutmeg used to be a satire account
December 5, 2025 at 9:07 PM
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Nation's Racists Announce Plan To Unite Behind USMNT Until They Lose

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Nation's Racists Announce Plan To Unite Behind USMNT Until They Lose — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - In an effort to be ready for the 2026 World Cup,. racists across the United States announced their plan to unite behind the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT) in an effort to pr...
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December 5, 2025 at 5:45 PM
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World Cup 2026 Draw To Feature Literal Group Of Death

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
World Cup 2026 Draw To Feature Literal Group Of Death — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - Sources indicate that the 2026 World Cup Draw will feature a literal group of death as the United States government has stated, “unwelcome teams with subhuman fans who are not welcome ...
www.thenutmegnews.com
December 5, 2025 at 5:33 PM
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Nation's Racists Announce Plan To Unite Behind USMNT Until They Lose

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Nation's Racists Announce Plan To Unite Behind USMNT Until They Lose — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - In an effort to be ready for the 2026 World Cup,. racists across the United States announced their plan to unite behind the United States Men’s National Team (USMNT) in an effort to pr...
www.thenutmegnews.com
December 5, 2025 at 5:45 PM
thenutmegnews.com
World Cup 2026 Draw To Feature Literal Group Of Death

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
World Cup 2026 Draw To Feature Literal Group Of Death — The Nutmeg News
UNITED STATES - Sources indicate that the 2026 World Cup Draw will feature a literal group of death as the United States government has stated, “unwelcome teams with subhuman fans who are not welcome ...
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December 5, 2025 at 5:33 PM
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Shitposters, Meme-lords And The Chronically Online Declare Week Long Armistice To Focus Hatred On Inter Miami

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Shitposters, Meme-lords And The Chronically Online Declare Week Long Armistice To Focus Hatred On Inter Miami — The Nutmeg News
Shitposters, Meme-Lords, and the chronically online stated that they were going to put down the Gimp projects and multi-thread posts they are working upon to form a temporary armistice to combat a com...
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December 1, 2025 at 7:47 PM
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Shitposters, Meme-lords And The Chronically Online Declare Week Long Armistice To Focus Hatred On Inter Miami

www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
Shitposters, Meme-lords And The Chronically Online Declare Week Long Armistice To Focus Hatred On Inter Miami — The Nutmeg News
Shitposters, Meme-Lords, and the chronically online stated that they were going to put down the Gimp projects and multi-thread posts they are working upon to form a temporary armistice to combat a com...
www.thenutmegnews.com
December 1, 2025 at 7:47 PM