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theemptypress.com
The Empty Press
@theemptypress.com
95 followers 3 following 560 posts
We're TheEmptyPress, AKA "The Old Dark Lady". We write worthless, satirical garbage. Also, we're not an AI, we're just bad at what we do.

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The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Jun 8
The foundational pillar of the abuses and inequities of modern Western society is the tendency of poor White people to believe that problems that rich White people created are the fault of poor People of Colour.

#HousingCrisis #CDNPoli #CanPoli #NSPoli
theemptypress.com
Don Cherry implores Canadians to remember that he was once relevant.

#RemembranceDay #LestWeForget
November 11, 2025 at 8:26 PM
theemptypress.com
#RemembranceDay #Halisky
Canadians solemnly gather to Remember to forget Soldiers of Colour - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – A light drizzle accompanied a sacred gathering at the Grand Parade cenotaph, today, as a moment of silence highlighted the nation’s annual service to remember the lives of the White men, and...
theemptypress.com
November 11, 2025 at 2:23 PM
theemptypress.com
Palestinians are "Arabian" in the same way that the people of India are "British".

So, if that's the case, then, get ready to open your wallets.

#Palestine #Israel #UKPoli
November 10, 2025 at 5:43 PM
theemptypress.com
The Premier suggested residents report any suspicious activity from their peers, like expressions of frustration with pet dander, or asking any questions about the Dartmouth Cove Infill.

#NSPoli #TimHouston #NovaScotia #Poppies #RemembranceDay #Halifax #Halisky
Tim Houston expresses disgust and outrage at definitely real group of judges that wants to kill your dog - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – Premier Tim Houston took to social media today to condemn a “definitely real” cabal of local judges that intends to kill your dog. “It is with great concern that I inform the good people of ...
theemptypress.com
November 7, 2025 at 10:40 PM
theemptypress.com
Are we the only ones who get the vibe that @bradlander.bsky.social’s going to give the first rich arsehole who publishes a racist op-ed about @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social’s mayoralty a lesson in how a female grizzly treats a threat to her cubs?

#NYC #Mamdani
November 6, 2025 at 7:41 PM
theemptypress.com
We think it's worth a reminder that if Malala tried a fraction of what Greta's done, she probably would've received multiple more bullets to the head.

#Malala #GretaThunberg #Vox
The internet’s weirdest stan war
Why people are pitting Malala Yousafzai and Greta Thunberg against each other.
www.vox.com
November 6, 2025 at 4:51 PM
theemptypress.com
The people of Central Park will be silenced no longer.

#CentralPark #NYC #Mamdani #NYTimes
Mamdani election
November 5, 2025 at 2:01 PM
theemptypress.com
So we're in agreement, Benjamin Kindel shall henceforth be known as "The Amazon Man".

#LetsGoPens #NHL
November 5, 2025 at 4:45 AM
theemptypress.com
All communication should be in English or French, or this isn't a province whose name is literally Latin!

theemptypress.com/horrifying-s...

#Halifax #NovaScotia #NSPoli #HfxPoli #YHZ #Halisky
Horrifying scenes in Halifax after Arabic sign causes sun to set an hour earlier - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – There was terror and pandemonium in the region’s largest city this weekend after a billboard featuring words in the Arabic language caused the sun to set an hour earlier than usual. “I knew ...
theemptypress.com
November 3, 2025 at 7:37 PM
theemptypress.com
And Rogers.

#SilverLinings #BlueJays #WorldSeries #LightsUpLetsGo #WANTITALL #Toronto #LetsGoDodgers
Jays fans take comfort in knowledge that they can still hate Shapiro and Atkins - The Empty Press
OTTAWA – After a disappointing Game 7 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2025 World Series, fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are taking comfort in the knowledge that the defeat means they can continu...
theemptypress.com
November 2, 2025 at 5:10 PM
theemptypress.com
Look at it this way, Torontonians. A championship-winning team might mean more frequent trips to the city by annoying 905ers.

#SilverLinings #WorldSeries #BlueJays #LetsGoDodgers #WANTITALL #LightsUpLetsGo #Toronto
November 2, 2025 at 4:30 PM
theemptypress.com
Ohtani and Scherzer. A day that will long be remembered as the first World Series showdown between X-men.

#WorldSeries #WantItAll #LetsGoDodgers
November 1, 2025 at 3:26 PM
theemptypress.com
BREAKING: Nova Scotia hates kids

#NovaScotia #Halifax #Storm #Halloween
October 31, 2025 at 4:08 PM
theemptypress.com
Canadian TV producers would've passed on Breaking Bad unless Walter White was a hockey coach.

#CanCon #CanadianTV #CanadaTV #Canada #Halisky
October 28, 2025 at 4:53 PM
theemptypress.com
Yamamoto defies pitching analytics convention by not being a coddled widdle baby.

#WorldSeries #BringItHome #MLB #LightsUpLetsGo #LetsGoDodgers
October 26, 2025 at 2:04 PM
theemptypress.com
"Maybe in between all of the candle-lighting and prayer, you could take a moment to reflect, and say a solemn 'FUCKING RIGHT, BABY!'"

#MLB #ALCS #BlueJays #WorldSeries #Diwali #LightsUpLetsGo #Toronto
Quiet, dignified, ALCS ceremony drowned out by Diwali celebrations - The Empty Press
TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays prepared to embark on their first trip to the World Series in 32 years, ceremonies commemorating the sombre occasion largely went unnoticed due to the joyous din of ...
theemptypress.com
October 21, 2025 at 5:31 PM
theemptypress.com
Can you really "steal" something that was stolen in the first place?

#Louvre
October 20, 2025 at 3:33 PM
theemptypress.com
Diversity initiative results in company hiring record number of White people

#DEI
Diversity initiative results in company hiring record number of White people - The Empty Press
OTTAWA – Executives at Lawrence Dynamics are touting the success of their recent Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) initiative, after an adjustment to their original request for BIPOC applicants to...
theemptypress.com
October 19, 2025 at 10:17 PM
theemptypress.com
Since Israel's inception, over 100 000 of its citizens have become casualties of conflict. If its government's mandate really is the safety and protection of its people, it doesn't look like it's been doing a very good job.

#Israel #Palestine
October 19, 2025 at 6:54 PM
theemptypress.com
Scientists: Signs indicate SNL has entered "Drive sketches that worked the previous season into the ground" phase of its cycle.

#SNL #SabrinaNightLive
October 19, 2025 at 4:25 PM
theemptypress.com
It is shameful of the Dodgers to give a platform to a man who is so full of hate that he will not let anything get in the way of his mission to destroy the sport of Baseball.

#ShoheiOhtani

#LetsGoDodgers #MLB
October 18, 2025 at 1:46 PM
theemptypress.com
As you prepare for a fun weekend of food and family, don't forget the true spirit of the occasion and be thankful that you're not one of those poor souls who's about to spend Monday crying into their mashed potatoes because they just got turkey dumped.

#Thanksgiving #Canada #turkey #Halisky
October 10, 2025 at 10:18 PM
theemptypress.com
That moment when you realise there's someone out there doing it better than you.

@halifaxretales.bsky.social
October 10, 2025 at 9:30 PM
theemptypress.com
Gosh.. it's almost as if the climate is.. changing?

www.tsn.ca/mlb/article/...

#ClimateChange #BeHereForIt #Cubs #MLB
Cubs
October 8, 2025 at 2:46 PM
theemptypress.com
Find someone who DOESN’T look at you like Charlotte Louise Burckhardt.

@metmuseum.org

#Art #Artitude #PosingBitchFace #JohnSingerSargent #TheMet
Lady with the Rose
October 7, 2025 at 9:06 PM