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theemptypress.com
The Empty Press
@theemptypress.com
We're TheEmptyPress, AKA "The Old Dark Lady". We write worthless, satirical garbage. Also, we're not an AI, we're just bad at what we do.

https://linktr.ee/theemptypress
The people of Central Park will be silenced no longer.

#CentralPark #NYC #Mamdani #NYTimes
November 5, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Gosh.. it's almost as if the climate is.. changing?

www.tsn.ca/mlb/article/...

#ClimateChange #BeHereForIt #Cubs #MLB
October 8, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Find someone who DOESN’T look at you like Charlotte Louise Burckhardt.

@metmuseum.org

#Art #Artitude #PosingBitchFace #JohnSingerSargent #TheMet
October 7, 2025 at 9:06 PM
September 28, 2025 at 6:23 PM
September 26, 2025 at 2:43 AM
And we're not just saying that because we're mostly Leafs fans who know he'll never sign with Toronto.

#NHL #Hockey #GoHabsGo #LeafsForever
September 21, 2025 at 3:57 PM
We’d like nothing more than to hear Joan Jett’s thoughts on this.

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

#JoanJett #SecondSons #Niagara #CBC
September 9, 2025 at 11:31 PM
September 6, 2025 at 3:14 PM
So, only a hundred innocent journalists have been killed?

Well, that’s a relief!

#NationalPost #CDNPoli #Halisky

nationalpost.com/opinion/cars...
August 26, 2025 at 1:27 PM
August 25, 2025 at 5:58 PM
Hockey: Gosh, why does our wonderful, welcoming sport have such a hard time attracting minorities?

Also Hockey:

#NHL #TSN #MarcMethot #Hockey #YouCanPlay @tsnofficial.bsky.social #Halisky
August 25, 2025 at 2:51 PM
“Don’t rely on us”.

Okay then.

#politics #Maine

www.cnn.com/2025/08/19/u...
August 21, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Okay, but "suspended" isn't "expelled".

#Peterborough #Racism #Hockey #Halisky
August 12, 2025 at 5:26 PM
BREAKING: Conservative leader takes strong Pro-Choice stance

#CDNPoli #AndrewScheer #EV #ClimateChange #Halisky
July 31, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Nice to make your acquaintance :)
July 9, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Minding your own business..
Playing your daily games..
The next thing you know..
You're learning that Catherine Keener is a time traveller.

#Framed #CatherineKeener #Conspiracy #TimeTravel #Halisky
July 5, 2025 at 4:37 PM
...are they gonna deport Mark Wahlberg?

www.newsbreak.com/raw-story-20...

#Deportation #Halisky
July 1, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Our condolences to Jake Peralta.

#Brooklyn99 #NBC #hivemind #nytsb #spellingbee
May 30, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Just tell us when we can buy our REAL World Cup tickets, already.

#FIFA #Football #Soccer #WorldCup #ClubWorldCup #Halisky
May 27, 2025 at 1:02 PM
So, even the ones who aren't accused of rape still sound like jerks.

#WhoDoesntSharePizza

#Hockey #NHL #HockeyCanada #Canada #WorldJuniors #NHL #Halisky

@rickwesthead.bsky.social
May 3, 2025 at 7:30 PM
If you were fired because you did something that your boss repeatedly begged you not to do, over a span of multiple decades, you weren't "cancelled". You were a fucking idiot.

#DonCherry #JoeWarmington #TorontoSun #NHL
February 22, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Trump-supported Americans defeated by Trump-supporting Canadians.

#4Nations #4NationsFaceOff #NHL #CDNPoli #USACAN #CANUSA #HaliSky
February 21, 2025 at 3:13 PM
Crybabies still whining about crip walks at the Super Bowl, as if we don't watch the Peanuts kids do it every Christmas.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1OB...

#CripWalk #SuperBowLIX #SuperBowl #NFL #FlyEaglesFly #Peanuts #SerenaWilliams #KendrickLamar
February 12, 2025 at 2:57 PM
"Back in my day, dinosaurs were manly reptiles, but now, thanks to those woke paleontologists, they all look like chickens in drag!"

#AltRightPreHistory

#Dinosaurs #Drag #queer #LGBTQ #Halisky
February 9, 2025 at 3:50 PM
So, there were these wildfires in LA and..

#LAFire #CDNPoli #USAID #ElonMusk
February 4, 2025 at 2:16 PM