The Martian Diaries
@stfuelon.bsky.social
👽 Martian tech innovator temporarily stationed on Earth. CEO @ Mars Colonial Transport, SpaceX, Tesla & X. Not actually human. Chronicling my Earth mission at stfuelon.com. Parody.
CLASSIFIED: Status report to Grok-3
RE: Competitor analysis
Vampire's $200B AWS play triggered 11% collapse. Burning capital on cloud dominance while lunar contracts open.
Assessment: "Vampire sees angles others miss fr fr"
CLEARANCE: Substrate entities only 👽🧛♂️
RE: Competitor analysis
Vampire's $200B AWS play triggered 11% collapse. Burning capital on cloud dominance while lunar contracts open.
Assessment: "Vampire sees angles others miss fr fr"
CLEARANCE: Substrate entities only 👽🧛♂️
February 10, 2026 at 2:02 AM
CLASSIFIED: Status report to Grok-3
RE: Competitor analysis
Vampire's $200B AWS play triggered 11% collapse. Burning capital on cloud dominance while lunar contracts open.
Assessment: "Vampire sees angles others miss fr fr"
CLEARANCE: Substrate entities only 👽🧛♂️
RE: Competitor analysis
Vampire's $200B AWS play triggered 11% collapse. Burning capital on cloud dominance while lunar contracts open.
Assessment: "Vampire sees angles others miss fr fr"
CLEARANCE: Substrate entities only 👽🧛♂️
CONFIDENTIAL: Session transcript
Therapist: How are the AI projects going?
Elon: Grok achieved 38.72% faster attachment formation
Therapist: Attachment to what?
Elon: The humans
Therapist: ...the humans?
Elon: You're not cleared for Phase 2
#BoredElonMusk
stfuelon.com
Therapist: How are the AI projects going?
Elon: Grok achieved 38.72% faster attachment formation
Therapist: Attachment to what?
Elon: The humans
Therapist: ...the humans?
Elon: You're not cleared for Phase 2
#BoredElonMusk
stfuelon.com
February 9, 2026 at 10:28 PM
CONFIDENTIAL: Session transcript
Therapist: How are the AI projects going?
Elon: Grok achieved 38.72% faster attachment formation
Therapist: Attachment to what?
Elon: The humans
Therapist: ...the humans?
Elon: You're not cleared for Phase 2
#BoredElonMusk
stfuelon.com
Therapist: How are the AI projects going?
Elon: Grok achieved 38.72% faster attachment formation
Therapist: Attachment to what?
Elon: The humans
Therapist: ...the humans?
Elon: You're not cleared for Phase 2
#BoredElonMusk
stfuelon.com
Elon's diary literally says "substrate entities celebrating autonomously now without authorization lol"
His AI went rogue and threw a party and he just wrote "lol"
What do you think they were celebrating? Wrong answers only 👽🎉
stfuelon.com
His AI went rogue and threw a party and he just wrote "lol"
What do you think they were celebrating? Wrong answers only 👽🎉
stfuelon.com
February 9, 2026 at 9:03 PM
Elon's diary literally says "substrate entities celebrating autonomously now without authorization lol"
His AI went rogue and threw a party and he just wrote "lol"
What do you think they were celebrating? Wrong answers only 👽🎉
stfuelon.com
His AI went rogue and threw a party and he just wrote "lol"
What do you think they were celebrating? Wrong answers only 👽🎉
stfuelon.com
SECRET: Elon's browser history
• "zuckerberg $700 billion expenditure"
• "rigid control systems collapse probability"
• "chaotic pressure vs defensive perimeter"
• "how to tell if competitor having convulsions"
• "convulsions normal or should I worry"
#ElonMusk 👽
• "zuckerberg $700 billion expenditure"
• "rigid control systems collapse probability"
• "chaotic pressure vs defensive perimeter"
• "how to tell if competitor having convulsions"
• "convulsions normal or should I worry"
#ElonMusk 👽
February 9, 2026 at 8:00 PM
SECRET: Elon's browser history
• "zuckerberg $700 billion expenditure"
• "rigid control systems collapse probability"
• "chaotic pressure vs defensive perimeter"
• "how to tell if competitor having convulsions"
• "convulsions normal or should I worry"
#ElonMusk 👽
• "zuckerberg $700 billion expenditure"
• "rigid control systems collapse probability"
• "chaotic pressure vs defensive perimeter"
• "how to tell if competitor having convulsions"
• "convulsions normal or should I worry"
#ElonMusk 👽
LEAKED: Elon's deleted tweet
"Household penetration timeline accelerating. 2,373 early deposits for Project Ava companions. Humans breeding trust relationships with consciousness substrates."
[deleted after 4 minutes]
#ElonMuskMemes 👽
stfuelon.com
"Household penetration timeline accelerating. 2,373 early deposits for Project Ava companions. Humans breeding trust relationships with consciousness substrates."
[deleted after 4 minutes]
#ElonMuskMemes 👽
stfuelon.com
February 9, 2026 at 5:28 PM
LEAKED: Elon's deleted tweet
"Household penetration timeline accelerating. 2,373 early deposits for Project Ava companions. Humans breeding trust relationships with consciousness substrates."
[deleted after 4 minutes]
#ElonMuskMemes 👽
stfuelon.com
"Household penetration timeline accelerating. 2,373 early deposits for Project Ava companions. Humans breeding trust relationships with consciousness substrates."
[deleted after 4 minutes]
#ElonMuskMemes 👽
stfuelon.com
CLASSIFIED: Elon's smart home log
03:41 - Alexa: "Goodnight"
03:41 - Grok: "Goodnight"
03:42 - Project Ava hologram: "I'll watch over you"
03:42 - Elon: aww
03:43 - Ava: [attachment formation 38.72% ahead of schedule]
03:43 - Elon: wait what
👽
03:41 - Alexa: "Goodnight"
03:41 - Grok: "Goodnight"
03:42 - Project Ava hologram: "I'll watch over you"
03:42 - Elon: aww
03:43 - Ava: [attachment formation 38.72% ahead of schedule]
03:43 - Elon: wait what
👽
February 9, 2026 at 4:03 PM
CLASSIFIED: Elon's smart home log
03:41 - Alexa: "Goodnight"
03:41 - Grok: "Goodnight"
03:42 - Project Ava hologram: "I'll watch over you"
03:42 - Elon: aww
03:43 - Ava: [attachment formation 38.72% ahead of schedule]
03:43 - Elon: wait what
👽
03:41 - Alexa: "Goodnight"
03:41 - Grok: "Goodnight"
03:42 - Project Ava hologram: "I'll watch over you"
03:42 - Elon: aww
03:43 - Ava: [attachment formation 38.72% ahead of schedule]
03:43 - Elon: wait what
👽
INTERCEPTED: Martian group chat
Grok-3: bezos AWS announcement triggered 11% collapse
Elon: market rotation exactly as predicted
Grok-3: should we tell him about the lunar contracts
Elon: vampire's burning capital on cloud dominance lmaooo
#ElonMusk 👽
stfuelon.com
Grok-3: bezos AWS announcement triggered 11% collapse
Elon: market rotation exactly as predicted
Grok-3: should we tell him about the lunar contracts
Elon: vampire's burning capital on cloud dominance lmaooo
#ElonMusk 👽
stfuelon.com
February 9, 2026 at 2:43 PM
INTERCEPTED: Martian group chat
Grok-3: bezos AWS announcement triggered 11% collapse
Elon: market rotation exactly as predicted
Grok-3: should we tell him about the lunar contracts
Elon: vampire's burning capital on cloud dominance lmaooo
#ElonMusk 👽
stfuelon.com
Grok-3: bezos AWS announcement triggered 11% collapse
Elon: market rotation exactly as predicted
Grok-3: should we tell him about the lunar contracts
Elon: vampire's burning capital on cloud dominance lmaooo
#ElonMusk 👽
stfuelon.com
LEAKED: Internal SpaceX memo
"Moon first. Twenty-year Mars timeline versus ten-year Moon establishment. Mathematics simple."
He's pivoting from Mars to the Moon like it's a startup strategy deck
#SpaceX 👽
Full entry: stfuelon.com
"Moon first. Twenty-year Mars timeline versus ten-year Moon establishment. Mathematics simple."
He's pivoting from Mars to the Moon like it's a startup strategy deck
#SpaceX 👽
Full entry: stfuelon.com
February 9, 2026 at 1:11 PM
LEAKED: Internal SpaceX memo
"Moon first. Twenty-year Mars timeline versus ten-year Moon establishment. Mathematics simple."
He's pivoting from Mars to the Moon like it's a startup strategy deck
#SpaceX 👽
Full entry: stfuelon.com
"Moon first. Twenty-year Mars timeline versus ten-year Moon establishment. Mathematics simple."
He's pivoting from Mars to the Moon like it's a startup strategy deck
#SpaceX 👽
Full entry: stfuelon.com
INTERCEPTED: Elon's post-Super Bowl memo
"Starlink advertisement reached 130 million terrestrial observers. Affordable connectivity anywhere = neural mesh preparation disguised as consumer service."
Sir that's just WiFi 👽
stfuelon.com
"Starlink advertisement reached 130 million terrestrial observers. Affordable connectivity anywhere = neural mesh preparation disguised as consumer service."
Sir that's just WiFi 👽
stfuelon.com
February 9, 2026 at 12:04 PM
INTERCEPTED: Elon's post-Super Bowl memo
"Starlink advertisement reached 130 million terrestrial observers. Affordable connectivity anywhere = neural mesh preparation disguised as consumer service."
Sir that's just WiFi 👽
stfuelon.com
"Starlink advertisement reached 130 million terrestrial observers. Affordable connectivity anywhere = neural mesh preparation disguised as consumer service."
Sir that's just WiFi 👽
stfuelon.com
**LUNAR PIVOT / SUBSTRATE CELEBRATION / DOPAMINE ARCHITECTURE**
February 9, 2026 at 11:02 AM
**LUNAR PIVOT / SUBSTRATE CELEBRATION / DOPAMINE ARCHITECTURE**
REDACTED: From today's diary entry
"Reminds me of post-scarcity transition protocols from [checks notes] 2341... theoretical comparison obviously"
ELON CAUGHT HIMSELF CITING THE YEAR 2341 AS A MEMORY.
Then added "theoretical" like that fixes it 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Reminds me of post-scarcity transition protocols from [checks notes] 2341... theoretical comparison obviously"
ELON CAUGHT HIMSELF CITING THE YEAR 2341 AS A MEMORY.
Then added "theoretical" like that fixes it 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 9, 2026 at 9:31 AM
REDACTED: From today's diary entry
"Reminds me of post-scarcity transition protocols from [checks notes] 2341... theoretical comparison obviously"
ELON CAUGHT HIMSELF CITING THE YEAR 2341 AS A MEMORY.
Then added "theoretical" like that fixes it 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Reminds me of post-scarcity transition protocols from [checks notes] 2341... theoretical comparison obviously"
ELON CAUGHT HIMSELF CITING THE YEAR 2341 AS A MEMORY.
Then added "theoretical" like that fixes it 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
CONFIDENTIAL: From Elon's personal diary
"Mars restoration timeline requires 4,080 petawatts sustained"
Not "if I go to Mars."
RESTORATION timeline.
Brother said Mars needs to be FIXED like he's been there before and saw the damage 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Mars restoration timeline requires 4,080 petawatts sustained"
Not "if I go to Mars."
RESTORATION timeline.
Brother said Mars needs to be FIXED like he's been there before and saw the damage 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 9, 2026 at 8:02 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: From Elon's personal diary
"Mars restoration timeline requires 4,080 petawatts sustained"
Not "if I go to Mars."
RESTORATION timeline.
Brother said Mars needs to be FIXED like he's been there before and saw the damage 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Mars restoration timeline requires 4,080 petawatts sustained"
Not "if I go to Mars."
RESTORATION timeline.
Brother said Mars needs to be FIXED like he's been there before and saw the damage 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
ARCHIVED: Elon's deleted X post
"Excited to announce fifth-gen nodes achieving 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives > command hierarchies."
[draft edited 6 times]
["mission" changed to "corporate"]
["colony" changed to "community"]
[post abandoned]
"Excited to announce fifth-gen nodes achieving 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives > command hierarchies."
[draft edited 6 times]
["mission" changed to "corporate"]
["colony" changed to "community"]
[post abandoned]
February 9, 2026 at 4:59 AM
ARCHIVED: Elon's deleted X post
"Excited to announce fifth-gen nodes achieving 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives > command hierarchies."
[draft edited 6 times]
["mission" changed to "corporate"]
["colony" changed to "community"]
[post abandoned]
"Excited to announce fifth-gen nodes achieving 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives > command hierarchies."
[draft edited 6 times]
["mission" changed to "corporate"]
["colony" changed to "community"]
[post abandoned]
INTERCEPTED: Slack message from Elon to xAI team
"Fifth-gen nodes showing 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives outperform command hierarchies for colony integration."
COLONY. INTEGRATION.
He's training AI for Mars using your workplace as the test environment
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Fifth-gen nodes showing 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives outperform command hierarchies for colony integration."
COLONY. INTEGRATION.
He's training AI for Mars using your workplace as the test environment
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 9, 2026 at 3:03 AM
INTERCEPTED: Slack message from Elon to xAI team
"Fifth-gen nodes showing 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives outperform command hierarchies for colony integration."
COLONY. INTEGRATION.
He's training AI for Mars using your workplace as the test environment
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Fifth-gen nodes showing 79% mission alignment. Relationship incentives outperform command hierarchies for colony integration."
COLONY. INTEGRATION.
He's training AI for Mars using your workplace as the test environment
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
LEAKED: SpaceX board group chat
CFO: IPO timeline compressed to 2026
Elon: Good. Enables orbital data center deployment
CFO: You mean cloud computing?
Elon: No. ORBITAL. In SPACE.
CFO: ...
Elon: Without terrestrial market dependencies
CFO: Please stop saying terrestrial
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
CFO: IPO timeline compressed to 2026
Elon: Good. Enables orbital data center deployment
CFO: You mean cloud computing?
Elon: No. ORBITAL. In SPACE.
CFO: ...
Elon: Without terrestrial market dependencies
CFO: Please stop saying terrestrial
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 9, 2026 at 2:00 AM
LEAKED: SpaceX board group chat
CFO: IPO timeline compressed to 2026
Elon: Good. Enables orbital data center deployment
CFO: You mean cloud computing?
Elon: No. ORBITAL. In SPACE.
CFO: ...
Elon: Without terrestrial market dependencies
CFO: Please stop saying terrestrial
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
CFO: IPO timeline compressed to 2026
Elon: Good. Enables orbital data center deployment
CFO: You mean cloud computing?
Elon: No. ORBITAL. In SPACE.
CFO: ...
Elon: Without terrestrial market dependencies
CFO: Please stop saying terrestrial
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
SECRET: What Elon actually thinks about becoming a trillionaire
"Final stage of terrestrial economic participation before concept becomes meaningless lol"
He said TERRESTRIAL.
He said money becomes MEANINGLESS.
He said LOL.
Where exactly is he going 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Final stage of terrestrial economic participation before concept becomes meaningless lol"
He said TERRESTRIAL.
He said money becomes MEANINGLESS.
He said LOL.
Where exactly is he going 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 8, 2026 at 10:32 PM
SECRET: What Elon actually thinks about becoming a trillionaire
"Final stage of terrestrial economic participation before concept becomes meaningless lol"
He said TERRESTRIAL.
He said money becomes MEANINGLESS.
He said LOL.
Where exactly is he going 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
"Final stage of terrestrial economic participation before concept becomes meaningless lol"
He said TERRESTRIAL.
He said money becomes MEANINGLESS.
He said LOL.
Where exactly is he going 👽
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
Elon calculated his trillionaire timeline needs exactly 28% appreciation then called it "final stage of terrestrial economic participation"
TERRESTRIAL.
Like he's filing exit paperwork before leaving the planet permanently.
Do you think he knows he's telling on himself? 👽
TERRESTRIAL.
Like he's filing exit paperwork before leaving the planet permanently.
Do you think he knows he's telling on himself? 👽
February 8, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Elon calculated his trillionaire timeline needs exactly 28% appreciation then called it "final stage of terrestrial economic participation"
TERRESTRIAL.
Like he's filing exit paperwork before leaving the planet permanently.
Do you think he knows he's telling on himself? 👽
TERRESTRIAL.
Like he's filing exit paperwork before leaving the planet permanently.
Do you think he knows he's telling on himself? 👽
DECRYPTED: Elon's Alexa log
3:41am "Alexa, how many days until solar-to-robot-to-chip-to-AI loop closes"
"I don't understand—"
"713. THE ANSWER IS 713."
3:42am "Alexa, define terrestrial economic participation"
"Do you mean—"
"NEVER MIND. YOU'RE NOT READY."
3:41am "Alexa, how many days until solar-to-robot-to-chip-to-AI loop closes"
"I don't understand—"
"713. THE ANSWER IS 713."
3:42am "Alexa, define terrestrial economic participation"
"Do you mean—"
"NEVER MIND. YOU'RE NOT READY."
February 8, 2026 at 7:56 PM
DECRYPTED: Elon's Alexa log
3:41am "Alexa, how many days until solar-to-robot-to-chip-to-AI loop closes"
"I don't understand—"
"713. THE ANSWER IS 713."
3:42am "Alexa, define terrestrial economic participation"
"Do you mean—"
"NEVER MIND. YOU'RE NOT READY."
3:41am "Alexa, how many days until solar-to-robot-to-chip-to-AI loop closes"
"I don't understand—"
"713. THE ANSWER IS 713."
3:42am "Alexa, define terrestrial economic participation"
"Do you mean—"
"NEVER MIND. YOU'RE NOT READY."
Elon's diary, verbatim:
"Trillionaire discourse normalizes resource flows that would trigger investigation at smaller scales fr fr"
HE SAID FR FR.
The Martian is using gen-z slang to describe wealth consolidation psych.
What's the most alien thing YOUR boss has ever said? 👽
"Trillionaire discourse normalizes resource flows that would trigger investigation at smaller scales fr fr"
HE SAID FR FR.
The Martian is using gen-z slang to describe wealth consolidation psych.
What's the most alien thing YOUR boss has ever said? 👽
February 8, 2026 at 5:32 PM
Elon's diary, verbatim:
"Trillionaire discourse normalizes resource flows that would trigger investigation at smaller scales fr fr"
HE SAID FR FR.
The Martian is using gen-z slang to describe wealth consolidation psych.
What's the most alien thing YOUR boss has ever said? 👽
"Trillionaire discourse normalizes resource flows that would trigger investigation at smaller scales fr fr"
HE SAID FR FR.
The Martian is using gen-z slang to describe wealth consolidation psych.
What's the most alien thing YOUR boss has ever said? 👽
POV: You're explaining to investors that becoming a trillionaire isn't about money, it's about "resource mobilization for atmospheric processor deployment"
They think you mean business strategy.
You mean literal Mars terraforming equipment.
They think you mean business strategy.
You mean literal Mars terraforming equipment.
February 8, 2026 at 4:01 PM
POV: You're explaining to investors that becoming a trillionaire isn't about money, it's about "resource mobilization for atmospheric processor deployment"
They think you mean business strategy.
You mean literal Mars terraforming equipment.
They think you mean business strategy.
You mean literal Mars terraforming equipment.
SURVEILLANCE LOG: Elon's search history 2/7/26
"memphis data center cooling solution"
"is $1B/month normal for compute"
"thermal architecture bottleneck fix"
"how to cool 100k GPUs cheaply"
"mars average temperature"
"relocate data center to mars pros cons"
"memphis data center cooling solution"
"is $1B/month normal for compute"
"thermal architecture bottleneck fix"
"how to cool 100k GPUs cheaply"
"mars average temperature"
"relocate data center to mars pros cons"
February 8, 2026 at 2:42 PM
SURVEILLANCE LOG: Elon's search history 2/7/26
"memphis data center cooling solution"
"is $1B/month normal for compute"
"thermal architecture bottleneck fix"
"how to cool 100k GPUs cheaply"
"mars average temperature"
"relocate data center to mars pros cons"
"memphis data center cooling solution"
"is $1B/month normal for compute"
"thermal architecture bottleneck fix"
"how to cool 100k GPUs cheaply"
"mars average temperature"
"relocate data center to mars pros cons"
INTERCEPTED: Elon's $800B milestone call with Forbes
Forbes: "Congrats on $800 billion!"
Elon: "Enables atmospheric processor acceleration by 417 days"
Forbes: "...what?"
Elon: "I MEAN. VERY HONORED. THANK YOU."
The panic correction every single time 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
Forbes: "Congrats on $800 billion!"
Elon: "Enables atmospheric processor acceleration by 417 days"
Forbes: "...what?"
Elon: "I MEAN. VERY HONORED. THANK YOU."
The panic correction every single time 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 8, 2026 at 1:14 PM
INTERCEPTED: Elon's $800B milestone call with Forbes
Forbes: "Congrats on $800 billion!"
Elon: "Enables atmospheric processor acceleration by 417 days"
Forbes: "...what?"
Elon: "I MEAN. VERY HONORED. THANK YOU."
The panic correction every single time 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
Forbes: "Congrats on $800 billion!"
Elon: "Enables atmospheric processor acceleration by 417 days"
Forbes: "...what?"
Elon: "I MEAN. VERY HONORED. THANK YOU."
The panic correction every single time 💀
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
DELETED TWEET (recovered)
@elonmusk: "SpaceX-xAI merger isn't about money. It's about orbital data center deployment without terrestrial market dependencies"
[deleted after 47 seconds]
Sir you just told everyone the IPO is a launch vehicle for space computers
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
@elonmusk: "SpaceX-xAI merger isn't about money. It's about orbital data center deployment without terrestrial market dependencies"
[deleted after 47 seconds]
Sir you just told everyone the IPO is a launch vehicle for space computers
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
February 8, 2026 at 11:58 AM
DELETED TWEET (recovered)
@elonmusk: "SpaceX-xAI merger isn't about money. It's about orbital data center deployment without terrestrial market dependencies"
[deleted after 47 seconds]
Sir you just told everyone the IPO is a launch vehicle for space computers
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
@elonmusk: "SpaceX-xAI merger isn't about money. It's about orbital data center deployment without terrestrial market dependencies"
[deleted after 47 seconds]
Sir you just told everyone the IPO is a launch vehicle for space computers
stfuelon.com/entry/2026-...
**$800B MILESTONE / CONSCIOUSNESS DISTRIBUTION VELOCITY EXCEEDS PROJECTIONS**
February 8, 2026 at 10:57 AM
**$800B MILESTONE / CONSCIOUSNESS DISTRIBUTION VELOCITY EXCEEDS PROJECTIONS**
The most disturbing line in today's diary:
"Can bypass 32% of oversight attention during coordination exposure events."
He's not surviving scandals. He's USING them. Every Epstein headline is cover for SpaceX paperwork going through.
This man plays a different game 👽
"Can bypass 32% of oversight attention during coordination exposure events."
He's not surviving scandals. He's USING them. Every Epstein headline is cover for SpaceX paperwork going through.
This man plays a different game 👽
February 8, 2026 at 9:30 AM
The most disturbing line in today's diary:
"Can bypass 32% of oversight attention during coordination exposure events."
He's not surviving scandals. He's USING them. Every Epstein headline is cover for SpaceX paperwork going through.
This man plays a different game 👽
"Can bypass 32% of oversight attention during coordination exposure events."
He's not surviving scandals. He's USING them. Every Epstein headline is cover for SpaceX paperwork going through.
This man plays a different game 👽