@stephhoughton.bsky.social
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real bummer finding out that literally everything was on the honor system this whole time
June 10, 2025 at 2:59 PM
real bummer finding out that literally everything was on the honor system this whole time
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*me, lying facedown on the bed, yelling into the mattress:
"WHY DO THOSE OF US WHO DIDN'T FUCK AROUND ALSO HAVE TO FIND OUT"
"WHY DO THOSE OF US WHO DIDN'T FUCK AROUND ALSO HAVE TO FIND OUT"
May 5, 2025 at 5:13 AM
*me, lying facedown on the bed, yelling into the mattress:
"WHY DO THOSE OF US WHO DIDN'T FUCK AROUND ALSO HAVE TO FIND OUT"
"WHY DO THOSE OF US WHO DIDN'T FUCK AROUND ALSO HAVE TO FIND OUT"
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okay now that you all have gotten a taste of America's rational and predictable new trade policy, everyone who wants to build your new factories here just form an orderly line
April 9, 2025 at 6:23 PM
okay now that you all have gotten a taste of America's rational and predictable new trade policy, everyone who wants to build your new factories here just form an orderly line
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California Assembly Speaker Robert Rivas (D-Salinas): "there are currently more kids with measles in Texas than there are transgender athletes in the NCAA. That's the epidemic we should all be worried about."
April 1, 2025 at 7:15 PM
California Assembly Speaker Robert Rivas (D-Salinas): "there are currently more kids with measles in Texas than there are transgender athletes in the NCAA. That's the epidemic we should all be worried about."
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I learned this week that you can put our troops' lives in danger, compromise our national security, and violate the Espionage Act. And the government will do nothing.
But if you write an editorial for your school newspaper that Trump doesn't like, you will be abducted on the street and disappeared.
But if you write an editorial for your school newspaper that Trump doesn't like, you will be abducted on the street and disappeared.
March 27, 2025 at 3:09 AM
I learned this week that you can put our troops' lives in danger, compromise our national security, and violate the Espionage Act. And the government will do nothing.
But if you write an editorial for your school newspaper that Trump doesn't like, you will be abducted on the street and disappeared.
But if you write an editorial for your school newspaper that Trump doesn't like, you will be abducted on the street and disappeared.
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Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
theonion.com/trump-c...
theonion.com/trump-c...
March 24, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known ‘No One Will Stop Me’ Loophole
theonion.com/trump-c...
theonion.com/trump-c...
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If a woman had 13 kids by four different men, used ketamine and spent all her time running a shadow presidency, I’m not sure our society would celebrate her.
February 15, 2025 at 7:02 PM
If a woman had 13 kids by four different men, used ketamine and spent all her time running a shadow presidency, I’m not sure our society would celebrate her.
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ok but like, how are we getting any work done. i'm trying to tippy tap away at my silly little keyboard but every fifteen minutes or so the new stupidest thing anyone's ever done happens.
February 14, 2025 at 8:57 PM
ok but like, how are we getting any work done. i'm trying to tippy tap away at my silly little keyboard but every fifteen minutes or so the new stupidest thing anyone's ever done happens.
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They are just swinging sledgehammers in the dark.
New: The Energy Department is seeking to bring back nuclear energy specialists after abruptly telling hundreds of workers that their jobs were eliminated, according to two people familiar with the matter
Dismissed Nuclear Bomb Specialists Recalled by Energy Department
The Energy Department is seeking to bring back nuclear energy specialists after abruptly telling hundreds of workers that their jobs were eliminated, according to two people familiar with the matter.
www.bloomberg.com
February 15, 2025 at 12:51 AM
They are just swinging sledgehammers in the dark.
Things are going great.
“Sources told CNN the officials did not seem to know this agency oversees America’s nuclear weapons.” 🫣 www.cnn.com/2025/02/14/c...
February 15, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Things are going great.
I would so go to this business.
Instead of endlessly scrolling streaming services, they should make a fake Blockbuster store for millennials where you can bring your family and browse all the VHS boxes on the little shelves for 45 minutes and then check one out and bring it home and scan it and then your tv plays it
February 14, 2025 at 1:56 AM
I would so go to this business.
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[guy who made a billion dollars secretly feeding you lizard meat] I think I speak for all honest hard-working Americans when I say we need to shut down the Department of Checking What Kind of Meat That Is
February 9, 2025 at 11:05 PM
[guy who made a billion dollars secretly feeding you lizard meat] I think I speak for all honest hard-working Americans when I say we need to shut down the Department of Checking What Kind of Meat That Is
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Hey man sorry to hear about all your political turmoil. Would it help if I scrolled around on the computer all day and drove myself insane?
February 6, 2025 at 1:54 PM
Hey man sorry to hear about all your political turmoil. Would it help if I scrolled around on the computer all day and drove myself insane?
“Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up”
(Anyone else exhausted by all this?)
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up”
(Anyone else exhausted by all this?)
BREAKING: The US Postal Service said it will accept parcels from China and Hong Kong again, a day after suspending the service reut.rs/3EnPe3H
US Postal Service to accept inbound parcels from China, Hong Kong again after suspension
USPS said the change will not impact the flow of letters and 'flats' from China and Hong Kong. It did not immediately comment on whether this was tied to Trump's change to ending de minimis shipments.
reut.rs
February 5, 2025 at 3:21 PM
“Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up”
(Anyone else exhausted by all this?)
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up”
(Anyone else exhausted by all this?)
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Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
theonion.com/think-t...
theonion.com/think-t...
Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
WASHINGTON—In an effort to assuage any fears over the constitutionality of the Trump administration’s flurry of executive actions, a D.C.-area think tank called The Himmler Institute reportedly assure...
theonion.com
February 4, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Think Tank Called ‘The Himmler Institute’ Assures Nation This All Legal
theonion.com/think-t...
theonion.com/think-t...