Anyone who forgot to wish me a happy birthday last week can make up for it by challenging your nearest authority figure.

I watch Brad Pitt’s opening monologue in Inglorious Basterds and I swear I could kick the White House door off its hinges.

Delete yelp, bring back reliable journalism.

The next cocktail menu concept I’m pitching: “Make the Drinks; a three-month sabbatical from pre-batching cocktails”

Eurotrip(2004) brought absinthe back to the USA(2007)

Is Cuba accepting American refugees? Asking for myself.

Support your local library, they support you.

Yes, this administration is dangerous and cruel, but they are also shockingly dim and incompetent.

Opportunities are everywhere.

Make everything as hard as possible. Resist every demand. Refuse entry without a warrant. Don’t take the buyout. Their problem solving skills are 📉

The dead internet is real, don’t let the hate-bots shut you up.

Same author, 8 years apart.

I’ve been working on a joke about how Mexican Diet Coke is gonna drop the day after the tariffs go live, but after the nazi salute at the inauguration yesterday, there doesn’t feel like any amount of comedy that could make any of this be funny. Its not funny.

Tik Tok after the ban tastes like soda water that’s gone flat.

y’all told me i was crazy when i downloaded all of tiktok and put it on blu-rays but who’s laughing now

Never in more than 2 decades of using the internet did I ever think I’d see a message like this pop up on my screen. This is censorship, this is a violation of our first amendment rights to free speech, free press, and our right to assemble.

Jumping on this early to make sure I got my preferred username first this time. Fool me thrice, and I’d deserve it.