Call me Tim
@slimjimtx.bsky.social
I’m kind to humans and animals and I am a raging knucklehead. I occasionally joke around. I changed my avatar to the very distinguished Panda Man.
I have disabled all DMs. Just interact with me publicly.
I have disabled all DMs. Just interact with me publicly.
Pinned
Call me Tim
@slimjimtx.bsky.social
· Nov 11
Six to Eight Black Men David Sedaris : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
Six to Eight Black Men by David Sedaris
archive.org
Christmas is coming. Here is a fun story for you. I hope you’ll enjoy it. archive.org/details/SixT...
My son is visiting this weekend and we are both up late. He just went to bed, but he and I had AI write songs and some of them weren’t too bad. I asked him to make a country song about a cowboy who was sad about never being close to a salon for a mani/pedi, but the horses get shod on the range.
January 17, 2026 at 8:46 AM
My son is visiting this weekend and we are both up late. He just went to bed, but he and I had AI write songs and some of them weren’t too bad. I asked him to make a country song about a cowboy who was sad about never being close to a salon for a mani/pedi, but the horses get shod on the range.
Someone should invent a massage chair that swivels. That would really be something.
January 15, 2026 at 5:52 AM
Someone should invent a massage chair that swivels. That would really be something.
Reposted by Call me Tim
This scene from “Blazing Saddles” is how I imagine ICE recruitment goes. Enjoy.
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
Blazing Saddles / Auditions for the Gang
YouTube video by Joe Maccini
youtu.be
January 13, 2026 at 9:55 AM
This scene from “Blazing Saddles” is how I imagine ICE recruitment goes. Enjoy.
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
This scene from “Blazing Saddles” is how I imagine ICE recruitment goes. Enjoy.
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
Blazing Saddles / Auditions for the Gang
YouTube video by Joe Maccini
youtu.be
January 13, 2026 at 9:55 AM
This scene from “Blazing Saddles” is how I imagine ICE recruitment goes. Enjoy.
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
youtu.be/ryvljjccqL8?...
Fun Fake Fact: In France, Pickleball is called “La Balle de Cornichon.” You know, “Gherkin Ball” sounds more like my speed.
January 12, 2026 at 7:57 AM
Fun Fake Fact: In France, Pickleball is called “La Balle de Cornichon.” You know, “Gherkin Ball” sounds more like my speed.
There is an ancient Chinese curse that goes something like this: “May you live in interesting times.” I’m tired of living in interesting times. Bring back the boring times, please.
January 11, 2026 at 12:43 AM
There is an ancient Chinese curse that goes something like this: “May you live in interesting times.” I’m tired of living in interesting times. Bring back the boring times, please.
Today is my birthday. I have Covid. I ask one thing. It is not money or something tangible. I would like to hear a joke, see your pets or anything positive from your life. Maybe a great recipe. I could have been born a day earlier and shared my birthday with Elvis Presley, instead I got Nixon. Thx!
January 9, 2026 at 8:14 AM
Today is my birthday. I have Covid. I ask one thing. It is not money or something tangible. I would like to hear a joke, see your pets or anything positive from your life. Maybe a great recipe. I could have been born a day earlier and shared my birthday with Elvis Presley, instead I got Nixon. Thx!
Hey, look! I have covid! Fun! Fortunately, I got my hands on Paxlovid which seems to be effective so far. I feel quite a bit less shitty.
January 7, 2026 at 3:13 AM
Hey, look! I have covid! Fun! Fortunately, I got my hands on Paxlovid which seems to be effective so far. I feel quite a bit less shitty.
You have to hand it to pharmaceutical companies. They’ll sell you a drug for depression and then another one to help the previous drug, which can cause uncontrollable muscle movements and then another drug to help with the muscles that can cause taint cancer and possibly death. They really love us.
January 5, 2026 at 1:30 AM
You have to hand it to pharmaceutical companies. They’ll sell you a drug for depression and then another one to help the previous drug, which can cause uncontrollable muscle movements and then another drug to help with the muscles that can cause taint cancer and possibly death. They really love us.
Listen to me, all you glorious people. I hope the new year is treating you kindly and will continue to do so. I think you’re awesome and deserve the best! ✌️❤️
January 3, 2026 at 4:40 AM
Listen to me, all you glorious people. I hope the new year is treating you kindly and will continue to do so. I think you’re awesome and deserve the best! ✌️❤️
Dirty math joke: What’s the square root of 69? Eight something. Impress your erudite friends with this joke. I need no thanks. My job is to spread nonsense.
January 1, 2026 at 10:20 PM
Dirty math joke: What’s the square root of 69? Eight something. Impress your erudite friends with this joke. I need no thanks. My job is to spread nonsense.
I can’t sleep. I went outside earlier and I choose to believe the the loud bangs were fireworks and not gunfire. Although, this is Texas, so 67. I know I’m old, but I’m paying attention to what the kids are saying. Anyway, let’s assume (illegal within city limits) fireworks. Guns are fine, however.
January 1, 2026 at 9:07 AM
I can’t sleep. I went outside earlier and I choose to believe the the loud bangs were fireworks and not gunfire. Although, this is Texas, so 67. I know I’m old, but I’m paying attention to what the kids are saying. Anyway, let’s assume (illegal within city limits) fireworks. Guns are fine, however.
Warm and happy wishes to all for a new year! Some are already into January and some of us will be soon. Happy New Year, everyone! Let’s hope that the baby doesn’t shit the diaper. 🥂
December 31, 2025 at 11:53 PM
Warm and happy wishes to all for a new year! Some are already into January and some of us will be soon. Happy New Year, everyone! Let’s hope that the baby doesn’t shit the diaper. 🥂
The high temperature yesterday was 71°F. The low today was 31°F. My balls can’t take that kind of temperature swing. Warm fronts, cold fronts… Make up your mind Mother Nature!
December 29, 2025 at 9:19 PM
The high temperature yesterday was 71°F. The low today was 31°F. My balls can’t take that kind of temperature swing. Warm fronts, cold fronts… Make up your mind Mother Nature!
“I can’t even…” Does that make me odd? 🤔
December 28, 2025 at 7:48 PM
“I can’t even…” Does that make me odd? 🤔
Hi, everyone! How are you doing? Good, bad, somewhere in between? The holidays can be tough and not everyone fares well. If you’re not doing well, know that I think you’re awesome. Since you’re awesome, go out for a little bit and get some fresh air and when you exhale, let go of negativity. ✌️❤️
December 27, 2025 at 10:15 PM
Hi, everyone! How are you doing? Good, bad, somewhere in between? The holidays can be tough and not everyone fares well. If you’re not doing well, know that I think you’re awesome. Since you’re awesome, go out for a little bit and get some fresh air and when you exhale, let go of negativity. ✌️❤️
Now that Christmas is nearly done, can we dispense with the long form commercials for charities begging for $19/month? I’m tired of seeing suffering animals, wounded warriors, terminally ill children, etc. “It’s only 63 cents per day.” Yeah, per charity. How many streaming services is that? Go on.
December 26, 2025 at 2:56 AM
Now that Christmas is nearly done, can we dispense with the long form commercials for charities begging for $19/month? I’m tired of seeing suffering animals, wounded warriors, terminally ill children, etc. “It’s only 63 cents per day.” Yeah, per charity. How many streaming services is that? Go on.
Well, I didn’t win the lottery. AGAIN! 😡 To be fair, though, I didn’t buy a ticket. 😛
December 25, 2025 at 9:10 AM
Well, I didn’t win the lottery. AGAIN! 😡 To be fair, though, I didn’t buy a ticket. 😛
Has anyone who sees this seen this show on Apple TV+ called “Pluribus?” It’s by Vince Gilligan who created “Breaking Bad” and “Better Call Saul.” I’m hooked. It’s deeply weird. Very different. I’d like to hear your thoughts if you watched it. No spoilers, please! Thank you and have a great day!
December 23, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Has anyone who sees this seen this show on Apple TV+ called “Pluribus?” It’s by Vince Gilligan who created “Breaking Bad” and “Better Call Saul.” I’m hooked. It’s deeply weird. Very different. I’d like to hear your thoughts if you watched it. No spoilers, please! Thank you and have a great day!
Man, I’ve got an ear worm. It’s “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield. It’s a pretty song, but I’d like a different one stuck in my head for a bit. 🤪
December 22, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Man, I’ve got an ear worm. It’s “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield. It’s a pretty song, but I’d like a different one stuck in my head for a bit. 🤪
‘Tis the season to check out my pinned post. It’s a funny story. I think you’ll like it. May your egg nog contain rum and your cookies contain MDMA or something. I don’t know how to jazz up holiday confections. Peace and love to all! ✌️❤️
December 22, 2025 at 5:49 AM
‘Tis the season to check out my pinned post. It’s a funny story. I think you’ll like it. May your egg nog contain rum and your cookies contain MDMA or something. I don’t know how to jazz up holiday confections. Peace and love to all! ✌️❤️
Ma! The meat loaf!
December 21, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Ma! The meat loaf!
Hear me out, please, Mr. Spielberg. Hire Shia LaBeouf for a new film titled “Mutt Jones and the Search for the Epstein Files.” I think it’ll be a big box office hit. Have I had some wine this evening? Why, yes, I have. Do I think this is a good pitch? Yes, I do. He might need his own hat.
December 21, 2025 at 3:35 AM
Hear me out, please, Mr. Spielberg. Hire Shia LaBeouf for a new film titled “Mutt Jones and the Search for the Epstein Files.” I think it’ll be a big box office hit. Have I had some wine this evening? Why, yes, I have. Do I think this is a good pitch? Yes, I do. He might need his own hat.
I’m not the author of this, I’m only repeating it. I think this was probably on “Mr. Show.” I’m paraphrasing, but the line line was something like this:
“Any time you write a joke, you’re bound to get some rat feces in there.”
I hope I got the attribution correct.
“Any time you write a joke, you’re bound to get some rat feces in there.”
I hope I got the attribution correct.
December 21, 2025 at 1:38 AM
I’m not the author of this, I’m only repeating it. I think this was probably on “Mr. Show.” I’m paraphrasing, but the line line was something like this:
“Any time you write a joke, you’re bound to get some rat feces in there.”
I hope I got the attribution correct.
“Any time you write a joke, you’re bound to get some rat feces in there.”
I hope I got the attribution correct.
Is Wikileaks still a thing? We never hear about them anymore.
December 20, 2025 at 6:13 PM
Is Wikileaks still a thing? We never hear about them anymore.