Patrick
@skybluemusings.bsky.social
Land of Sky Blue Water. Communications professional. Writer. Wistful about the transience of things.
"Children are not so serious as grown-ups and they love to laugh."
– Matilda Wormwood
"Children are not so serious as grown-ups and they love to laugh."
– Matilda Wormwood
Sitting in the audience at a kindergarten choir concert was a little more tolerable when you could smoke.
November 13, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Sitting in the audience at a kindergarten choir concert was a little more tolerable when you could smoke.
Kudos to the McDonald's marketing team for putting Roth's Portnoy's Complaint in Happy Meals.
November 13, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Kudos to the McDonald's marketing team for putting Roth's Portnoy's Complaint in Happy Meals.
Even if you explain that you’re “the biggest McRib fan in the whole goddamn world,” the manager will still call the cops if you insist on standing on a booth and rubbing them all over your naked body.
November 13, 2025 at 2:24 AM
Even if you explain that you’re “the biggest McRib fan in the whole goddamn world,” the manager will still call the cops if you insist on standing on a booth and rubbing them all over your naked body.
We have always lived in the White Castle, and that's why we need a triple bypass.
November 12, 2025 at 7:47 PM
We have always lived in the White Castle, and that's why we need a triple bypass.
Reposted by Patrick
fiona apple looks nice but fiona windows is cheaper
November 11, 2025 at 11:49 PM
fiona apple looks nice but fiona windows is cheaper
Train Dreams … absolute masterpiece.
November 11, 2025 at 11:38 PM
Train Dreams … absolute masterpiece.
If I time-traveled back to middle school right now, I bet I'd win a few more fights.
November 10, 2025 at 6:20 PM
If I time-traveled back to middle school right now, I bet I'd win a few more fights.
Just finished my screenplay about a little person serial killer on the loose in China: Little Trouble in Big China.
November 8, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Just finished my screenplay about a little person serial killer on the loose in China: Little Trouble in Big China.
I just listed my house on Airbnb and I think people who rent it are going to love my very expansive collection of Victorian-era coffins.
November 7, 2025 at 7:46 PM
I just listed my house on Airbnb and I think people who rent it are going to love my very expansive collection of Victorian-era coffins.
As a cat burglar, my trademark is puking on a rug before making my escape.
November 7, 2025 at 5:20 PM
As a cat burglar, my trademark is puking on a rug before making my escape.
Reposted by Patrick
So now we need to throw a hot dog and a taco at a cop to see if we can get legal precedent for the ‘what is a sandwich’ question
November 6, 2025 at 8:33 PM
So now we need to throw a hot dog and a taco at a cop to see if we can get legal precedent for the ‘what is a sandwich’ question
It took a hell of a lot of money and time to teach this hippo to drive a car, but seeing the look on this state trooper’s face makes it all worth it.
November 6, 2025 at 9:02 PM
It took a hell of a lot of money and time to teach this hippo to drive a car, but seeing the look on this state trooper’s face makes it all worth it.
Reposted by Patrick
A group of mean people who all date each other is called a polycruel.
November 6, 2025 at 8:40 PM
A group of mean people who all date each other is called a polycruel.
I had a big presentation at work this morning, but I forgot to wear pants. Luckily, everyone was so impressed with my new gold monocle they didn’t notice I was naked from the waist down.
November 6, 2025 at 6:14 PM
I had a big presentation at work this morning, but I forgot to wear pants. Luckily, everyone was so impressed with my new gold monocle they didn’t notice I was naked from the waist down.
The Grim Reaper needs an app that shows you when he’s en route and when you’re his next stop.
November 6, 2025 at 2:06 PM
The Grim Reaper needs an app that shows you when he’s en route and when you’re his next stop.
I still don’t understand why that lady kept her bell in a jar.
November 6, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I still don’t understand why that lady kept her bell in a jar.
It turns out it was a mistake to try and wax my chest with melted Crayolas.
November 6, 2025 at 2:28 AM
It turns out it was a mistake to try and wax my chest with melted Crayolas.
The celebrity I'm most often mistaken for is the dead body at the beginning of a Law & Order episode.
November 5, 2025 at 7:14 PM
The celebrity I'm most often mistaken for is the dead body at the beginning of a Law & Order episode.
HR put stickers on all the company’s AEDs that read: “DO NOT USE ON PATRICK. NO MATTER WHAT!”
November 5, 2025 at 4:21 PM
HR put stickers on all the company’s AEDs that read: “DO NOT USE ON PATRICK. NO MATTER WHAT!”
You’ll only have a few minutes before the cops arrive, but few things are more cathartic on a Wednesday morning than using a t-shirt cannon to shoot White Castles to the bears at the zoo.
November 5, 2025 at 3:14 PM
You’ll only have a few minutes before the cops arrive, but few things are more cathartic on a Wednesday morning than using a t-shirt cannon to shoot White Castles to the bears at the zoo.
This hospital won’t let me operate even though I completed a neurosurgery MasterClass.
November 5, 2025 at 4:32 AM
This hospital won’t let me operate even though I completed a neurosurgery MasterClass.
I lost my job as a crime scene cleaner because I just shoved everything under the bed.
November 5, 2025 at 12:23 AM
I lost my job as a crime scene cleaner because I just shoved everything under the bed.
IT changed my password to dumb$hitbag! and won’t tell me how to change it.
November 5, 2025 at 12:11 AM
IT changed my password to dumb$hitbag! and won’t tell me how to change it.
If you want to test a mime's commitment to silence, light them on fire.
November 4, 2025 at 10:52 PM
If you want to test a mime's commitment to silence, light them on fire.
When asked a question during a meeting that I don't know the answer to, I pour an entire box of Hot Tamales into my mouth.
November 4, 2025 at 7:05 PM
When asked a question during a meeting that I don't know the answer to, I pour an entire box of Hot Tamales into my mouth.