@shellonious.bsky.social
Maine Stand up comic. Lover of stuff that kicks ass. Drinker of seltzer
Really glad I don't have to put a flag halfway up my ass for that guy anymore
September 15, 2025 at 4:36 PM
Really glad I don't have to put a flag halfway up my ass for that guy anymore
I don't celebrate his death, just like I never celebrated his life
Whoever celebrates his death is a monster. Rest in peace brother in Christ.
September 12, 2025 at 3:58 PM
I don't celebrate his death, just like I never celebrated his life
"I didn't agree with everything he said.."
That's brave of you
That's brave of you
September 12, 2025 at 3:47 PM
"I didn't agree with everything he said.."
That's brave of you
That's brave of you
Told a zionist on twitter to lick my balls and got my account suspended. Now im here for at least a week. Im sure my small number of followers will be enriched. Free Palestine
September 9, 2025 at 6:52 PM
Told a zionist on twitter to lick my balls and got my account suspended. Now im here for at least a week. Im sure my small number of followers will be enriched. Free Palestine
Dudes will tell you they bench pressed 350lbs for 3 sets of 12 back in high school instead of going to therapy
July 14, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Dudes will tell you they bench pressed 350lbs for 3 sets of 12 back in high school instead of going to therapy
Yesterday I was at the beach and saw a toddler joyfully staggering along the sand with their little arms up in the air embracing the ocean and I think it might be the only sliver of humanity I can cling to right now
July 1, 2025 at 3:13 PM
Yesterday I was at the beach and saw a toddler joyfully staggering along the sand with their little arms up in the air embracing the ocean and I think it might be the only sliver of humanity I can cling to right now
Over the weekend I was watching mystical fog spill over the top of Mt Katahdin and today I'm at work asking if some goateed electrician needs nylon or plastic receptacle plates. What a crock of shit.
June 26, 2025 at 4:31 PM
Over the weekend I was watching mystical fog spill over the top of Mt Katahdin and today I'm at work asking if some goateed electrician needs nylon or plastic receptacle plates. What a crock of shit.
I can tell there aren't as many tourists in OOB this year because a bunch of desperate seagulls just tried to mug me
June 25, 2025 at 10:33 PM
I can tell there aren't as many tourists in OOB this year because a bunch of desperate seagulls just tried to mug me
The weird thing about Trump supporters (at least in Maine) is if you ever break down on the side of the road someone w/a Trump bumper sticker is more likely to pull over and help you out VS someone w/a "COEXIST" bumper sticker.
June 10, 2025 at 7:21 PM
The weird thing about Trump supporters (at least in Maine) is if you ever break down on the side of the road someone w/a Trump bumper sticker is more likely to pull over and help you out VS someone w/a "COEXIST" bumper sticker.
New guy at work looks and sounds like Tommy Gun from Rocky 5 so if you all hear about me getting into a street fight within the next few months you'll know why
June 2, 2025 at 12:51 PM
New guy at work looks and sounds like Tommy Gun from Rocky 5 so if you all hear about me getting into a street fight within the next few months you'll know why
Reposted
hope it hurts and takes a long time to come to its inevitable end. hope the screams of palestinians he gladly helped murder consume his remaining consciousness and are all he hears as he disintegrates into the dustbin.
May 19, 2025 at 7:28 AM
hope it hurts and takes a long time to come to its inevitable end. hope the screams of palestinians he gladly helped murder consume his remaining consciousness and are all he hears as he disintegrates into the dustbin.
We have a new air freshener called 'Twilight Woods' and every time I spray it I get stung by a shit load a black flies
May 19, 2025 at 10:12 AM
We have a new air freshener called 'Twilight Woods' and every time I spray it I get stung by a shit load a black flies
I sucked at doing homework when I was in school so now I make coils of wire
May 16, 2025 at 3:55 PM
I sucked at doing homework when I was in school so now I make coils of wire
Hoodie and shorts weather kicks ass
May 14, 2025 at 9:55 PM
Hoodie and shorts weather kicks ass
Just heard a dude talking about not being able to retire until he's 75 because that's when he'll have his house paid off, so I think I'm just gonna rent for the rest of my life.
April 25, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Just heard a dude talking about not being able to retire until he's 75 because that's when he'll have his house paid off, so I think I'm just gonna rent for the rest of my life.
"I should have called out today.."
-Me every day for the last 24 years
-Me every day for the last 24 years
April 2, 2025 at 4:32 PM
"I should have called out today.."
-Me every day for the last 24 years
-Me every day for the last 24 years
Radio is doing a "two for Tuesday" thing so they play two songs by the same artist back to back instead of 30 minutes apart.
April 1, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Radio is doing a "two for Tuesday" thing so they play two songs by the same artist back to back instead of 30 minutes apart.
Dudes will trim their beard into a pencil chin strap then turn around and tell you they're against gender affirming care
March 20, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Dudes will trim their beard into a pencil chin strap then turn around and tell you they're against gender affirming care
Happy first day of spring to everyone except for most people
March 20, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Happy first day of spring to everyone except for most people
People find out I've lost 70lbs and ask me " I'm also trying to drop some weight! What's your secret?!"
I tell them "I stopped eating a jar of peanut butter every night"
"Oh..I was already not doing that. You just stopped acting like a slob you fucking fraud"
I tell them "I stopped eating a jar of peanut butter every night"
"Oh..I was already not doing that. You just stopped acting like a slob you fucking fraud"
March 17, 2025 at 7:13 PM
People find out I've lost 70lbs and ask me " I'm also trying to drop some weight! What's your secret?!"
I tell them "I stopped eating a jar of peanut butter every night"
"Oh..I was already not doing that. You just stopped acting like a slob you fucking fraud"
I tell them "I stopped eating a jar of peanut butter every night"
"Oh..I was already not doing that. You just stopped acting like a slob you fucking fraud"
This is the new "leaving without headphones is like leaving without a sword in medieval times" tweet
i say “sounds good” a lot at work where nothing sounds good ever
March 15, 2025 at 2:12 PM
This is the new "leaving without headphones is like leaving without a sword in medieval times" tweet
"THEY'RE LETTING BOYS PLAY GIRLS SPORTS!!$%#"
-Person who graduated 50 years ago who's still vicariously living through their high school sport team in the town they never left.
-Person who graduated 50 years ago who's still vicariously living through their high school sport team in the town they never left.
March 12, 2025 at 5:10 PM
"THEY'RE LETTING BOYS PLAY GIRLS SPORTS!!$%#"
-Person who graduated 50 years ago who's still vicariously living through their high school sport team in the town they never left.
-Person who graduated 50 years ago who's still vicariously living through their high school sport team in the town they never left.
My wife candidly snapped this while I was taking a pause from puttering yesterday.
That friggin show will suck you right in if you're not careful
That friggin show will suck you right in if you're not careful
March 10, 2025 at 7:35 PM
My wife candidly snapped this while I was taking a pause from puttering yesterday.
That friggin show will suck you right in if you're not careful
That friggin show will suck you right in if you're not careful
Reposted
i call noon "the 'whiching hour". on account of that's when i make my sandwich
March 10, 2025 at 5:11 AM
i call noon "the 'whiching hour". on account of that's when i make my sandwich