I'm Butter Bessie
@scrubby.bsky.social
whoa-o bête noire, bam ba lam
I am but a vessel. I am butter bessie
I am but a vessel. I am butter bessie
hacking systems...sunglasses on...hacking complete
January 3, 2026 at 4:59 AM
hacking systems...sunglasses on...hacking complete
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
dr robotnik's smol bean routine
November 16, 2023 at 2:46 PM
dr robotnik's smol bean routine
this house burned down today ☹️
two hours with a grass whip and the bereaved Unitarian minister’s spiral lawn has been tamed
i did it too hard though and broke our ancient grass whip. The last hour or so i was basically holding it on even with the tape lol
i did it too hard though and broke our ancient grass whip. The last hour or so i was basically holding it on even with the tape lol
January 2, 2026 at 10:42 PM
this house burned down today ☹️
When i was growin up, we had a pot to piss in. And it was deep! They don't make em like that anymore...
January 2, 2026 at 9:56 PM
When i was growin up, we had a pot to piss in. And it was deep! They don't make em like that anymore...
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
I'm so dunston with the check-ins
January 2, 2026 at 9:01 PM
I'm so dunston with the check-ins
guess what. it's not monday, it's friday
January 2, 2026 at 3:52 PM
guess what. it's not monday, it's friday
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
primus voice: to revise the terms and conditions
November 11, 2025 at 8:57 AM
primus voice: to revise the terms and conditions
this one will be different
January 1, 2026 at 10:50 PM
this one will be different
thank you for your patience with my self RTing of shit that pleases largely me alone
January 1, 2026 at 9:29 PM
thank you for your patience with my self RTing of shit that pleases largely me alone
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
My fondest childhood memories are of our father coming home from work at the Plastic Bag Factory on Fridays, when he'd bring us that week's extra bags to play with.
I loved to hop in the extra large bag and pretend i was Jonah in the belly of the great whale, or dashing pilot of a grand dirigible!
I loved to hop in the extra large bag and pretend i was Jonah in the belly of the great whale, or dashing pilot of a grand dirigible!
February 11, 2024 at 3:46 AM
My fondest childhood memories are of our father coming home from work at the Plastic Bag Factory on Fridays, when he'd bring us that week's extra bags to play with.
I loved to hop in the extra large bag and pretend i was Jonah in the belly of the great whale, or dashing pilot of a grand dirigible!
I loved to hop in the extra large bag and pretend i was Jonah in the belly of the great whale, or dashing pilot of a grand dirigible!
you and i
we will be forever young
we will never be brandon
we will be forever young
we will never be brandon
January 1, 2026 at 7:30 PM
you and i
we will be forever young
we will never be brandon
we will be forever young
we will never be brandon
i will be self RTing "plastic bag factory" later today, thank you
January 1, 2026 at 6:26 PM
i will be self RTing "plastic bag factory" later today, thank you
also fewer than 5 unpopped, no burning. execution and excellence
ringing in the new year with some stovetop popcorn. wholesome and delicious, enjoy your poison drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 1, 2026 at 5:27 AM
also fewer than 5 unpopped, no burning. execution and excellence
ringing in the new year with some stovetop popcorn. wholesome and delicious, enjoy your poison drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 1, 2026 at 4:59 AM
ringing in the new year with some stovetop popcorn. wholesome and delicious, enjoy your poison drinks!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am happy to help you with assistance! Please go right this way, with me.
December 31, 2025 at 7:12 PM
I am happy to help you with assistance! Please go right this way, with me.
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
(proudly) I'm a medium talent!
July 23, 2023 at 3:20 AM
(proudly) I'm a medium talent!
tortured again by The Great Bored Lord
December 31, 2025 at 6:44 PM
tortured again by The Great Bored Lord
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.
December 31, 2025 at 5:00 PM
The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.
posts live forever
December 30, 2025 at 7:54 PM
posts live forever
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...
![mikefossey: Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]
DinkMagic: Ever seen this before [I throw my hat like a frisbee 10 feet away and jump over near it]
mikefossey: [I run down a flight of stairs, stop at the second to last step, I pause, and then I jump the last two steps. I do not land it]
DinkMagic: [i throw a grape up in the air and open my mouth but i get scared that i breathed in some fluff and start choking violently]
mikefossey: [I'm doing a mime act where I pretend to pull on a rope but I somehow accidentally grab a real rope and I pull myself off stage]
DinkMagic: [im cooking an omelette and i flip the pan and snatch the omelette out of the air with my hand burning myself] tadaa](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreicpeii4u2iirkgscaerpb5tltbs4ohykg2obbvchzo56pjzo4juie@jpeg)
![mikefossey: [I kick some dust at a guy after losing an argument but the dust flies up into my mouth and I cough so hard I barf]
DinkMagic: [my friend says im going to the store toss me your keys but i see a strange bird and instead throw my wallet in the ditch]
mikefossey: [guy passes me on the highway and flips me off, I throw a full cup of coffee at my own windshield and it spills all over the car]
DinkMagic: [i toss an apple into my elbow-pit to bounce it back out but i miss and try to bite it out of the air but bite my tongue]
mikefossey: [I try to throw a beer can into the recycle but it hits the trash can instead and it's still mostly full so it knocks it over]
DinkMagic: [2 girls are arguing i say here let me solve this and i flip a gold coin i bought on ebay so hard it breaks a fluorescent tube](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreid5fec634tvopl2nybom2l7yrys7hrqbgrpq5gneukqiwt3zm44qu@jpeg)
![mikefossey: [I ask the guy at the store to recommend me a beer and he talks to me for 23 minutes before he realizes i think beer is wine]
DinkMagic: [i ask to be excused from dinner to do homework & then phone my mom because i broke my wrist playing street fighter at 7-11]
mikefossey: [I bite a gold coin to see if it's real, but it's chocolate. I try to play it cool and eat the whole thing without unwrapping it]
DinkMagic: [a teams softball rolls near me] i got this my friends a cuban pitcher [i throw the ball into the back of my own head & faint]
mikefossey: Here, let me park for you, Im really good at parallel parking [i walk over to the driver side and slam my dick in the car door]
DinkMagic: [i testify under oath that i thought a mortgage was a special kind of measuring tape]
mikefossey: [I'm cracking my knuckles and limbering up to fight but then a guy who's on his way to another fight accidentally knocks me over]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreihgywpjsvklyn2mdkfnvn2e4rknldwwa6brmtfkfkrpimkjj76tp4@jpeg)
![DinkMagic: [i ask the butcher for two pounds of boneless chicken Brent]
mikefossey: [at a dinner party I lean on the grand piano while telling a story, but the lid is open and I fall into it, hitting every string]
DinkMagic: [i get anxious at a fancy bar and order a martini and then say "could you imagine if this was soup" to no one really loud]
mikefossey: I try to open a beer with a lighter but I shatter the bottle and cut my hand, and also light my shirt on fire with the lighter]
DinkMagic: [i ride up on my new dirtbike revving it, and set the kickstand down on my own foot and start crying]
mikefossey: [I get water up my nose while I'm doing the dishes and knock my glasses into the garbage disposal when I go to rub my nose]
DinkMagic: [i get angry that I got confused & told an Italian that pizza came from Russia I drive to little Caesars & throw a stone at it](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:jir6yritppwxbc3wy6mdbngv/bafkreifw77g6afsgy7rhshwknw4kcdgujwj4al6ymbwiawohrn6wc5hpme@jpeg)
December 26, 2024 at 9:16 PM
"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...
It is I, Pikachu.
December 30, 2025 at 6:39 PM
It is I, Pikachu.
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
![Mike F
@mikefossey
Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:xsxjfbeakywwtkml5q5lhcrc/bafkreifinyulh76btvns2gb2jsibt3nanylnlktf4l4znljk3rvt7t6ajy@jpeg)
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
Who can ever forget this banger. We lost a real one.
December 30, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Who can ever forget this banger. We lost a real one.
Reposted by I'm Butter Bessie
One of the best to ever do it
December 30, 2025 at 2:09 PM
One of the best to ever do it