Scott Clevenger
@scottclevenger.bsky.social
Author. Co-host of The Slumgullion podcast. Hypocritical screenwriter. I write mean but funny movie reviews at Better Living Through Bad Movies: https://clevenger.substack.com
Meet the Honorable Miss Ansonia Flax, Private Secretary to the Minister of Silly Walks.
January 3, 2026 at 2:24 PM
Meet the Honorable Miss Ansonia Flax, Private Secretary to the Minister of Silly Walks.
"Welcome, Frank! Good to see you."
"Ha! Yeah. That joke never gets old. Say, Bob...you feeling alright? You look a little--"
"Oh, that. Yeah, it's such a hot day I decided to spray on some underarm deodorant and boy was THAT a mistake...!"
"Ha! Yeah. That joke never gets old. Say, Bob...you feeling alright? You look a little--"
"Oh, that. Yeah, it's such a hot day I decided to spray on some underarm deodorant and boy was THAT a mistake...!"
January 2, 2026 at 6:01 PM
"Welcome, Frank! Good to see you."
"Ha! Yeah. That joke never gets old. Say, Bob...you feeling alright? You look a little--"
"Oh, that. Yeah, it's such a hot day I decided to spray on some underarm deodorant and boy was THAT a mistake...!"
"Ha! Yeah. That joke never gets old. Say, Bob...you feeling alright? You look a little--"
"Oh, that. Yeah, it's such a hot day I decided to spray on some underarm deodorant and boy was THAT a mistake...!"
HIM: Did you receive my Invitation by Bullet?
HER: In my left butt cheek, yes. I’ll be sending my Regrets by rattlesnake in your bedroll.
HER: In my left butt cheek, yes. I’ll be sending my Regrets by rattlesnake in your bedroll.
January 2, 2026 at 3:38 AM
HIM: Did you receive my Invitation by Bullet?
HER: In my left butt cheek, yes. I’ll be sending my Regrets by rattlesnake in your bedroll.
HER: In my left butt cheek, yes. I’ll be sending my Regrets by rattlesnake in your bedroll.
HIM: I'M MORGO THE MIGHTY!
ANT: C'mon Mr. Morgo, let's calm down and take our meds.
HIM: Nooo! Let GO'a me! I'll HARM you with my DEADLY BLADE! (MAKES FEEBLE STABBING MOTIONS) Uh! Uh!
ANT: Sir, that's a soggy root vegetable you saved from lunch.
ANT: C'mon Mr. Morgo, let's calm down and take our meds.
HIM: Nooo! Let GO'a me! I'll HARM you with my DEADLY BLADE! (MAKES FEEBLE STABBING MOTIONS) Uh! Uh!
ANT: Sir, that's a soggy root vegetable you saved from lunch.
January 1, 2026 at 5:48 PM
HIM: I'M MORGO THE MIGHTY!
ANT: C'mon Mr. Morgo, let's calm down and take our meds.
HIM: Nooo! Let GO'a me! I'll HARM you with my DEADLY BLADE! (MAKES FEEBLE STABBING MOTIONS) Uh! Uh!
ANT: Sir, that's a soggy root vegetable you saved from lunch.
ANT: C'mon Mr. Morgo, let's calm down and take our meds.
HIM: Nooo! Let GO'a me! I'll HARM you with my DEADLY BLADE! (MAKES FEEBLE STABBING MOTIONS) Uh! Uh!
ANT: Sir, that's a soggy root vegetable you saved from lunch.
I have read the Terms of Service and End User Agreement for 2026 and I: [ ] AGREE [ ] DO NOT AGREE
January 1, 2026 at 4:53 PM
I have read the Terms of Service and End User Agreement for 2026 and I: [ ] AGREE [ ] DO NOT AGREE
HER: Got a light?
HIM: Sure! Say, that's, uh, kind of a short cigarette.
HER: No, it's a King Size. The other end's touching my uvula.
HIM: Shouldn't most of it be *outside* your mouth?
HER: Eh. Once a carnival midway sword-swallower, always a carnival midway sword-swallower.
HIM: Sure! Say, that's, uh, kind of a short cigarette.
HER: No, it's a King Size. The other end's touching my uvula.
HIM: Shouldn't most of it be *outside* your mouth?
HER: Eh. Once a carnival midway sword-swallower, always a carnival midway sword-swallower.
December 31, 2025 at 10:20 PM
HER: Got a light?
HIM: Sure! Say, that's, uh, kind of a short cigarette.
HER: No, it's a King Size. The other end's touching my uvula.
HIM: Shouldn't most of it be *outside* your mouth?
HER: Eh. Once a carnival midway sword-swallower, always a carnival midway sword-swallower.
HIM: Sure! Say, that's, uh, kind of a short cigarette.
HER: No, it's a King Size. The other end's touching my uvula.
HIM: Shouldn't most of it be *outside* your mouth?
HER: Eh. Once a carnival midway sword-swallower, always a carnival midway sword-swallower.
[CLOCK STRIKES 11]
HIM: Crap! We're late for the Johnson's New Years party!
HER: Oh for pity's SAKE, Harold! I told you, didn't I? I TOLD you not to get all dressed up for a quickie!
HIM: Well I--
HER: Oh just get off me. I still have to cauterize this thing and put on my face.
HIM: Crap! We're late for the Johnson's New Years party!
HER: Oh for pity's SAKE, Harold! I told you, didn't I? I TOLD you not to get all dressed up for a quickie!
HIM: Well I--
HER: Oh just get off me. I still have to cauterize this thing and put on my face.
December 31, 2025 at 4:25 PM
[CLOCK STRIKES 11]
HIM: Crap! We're late for the Johnson's New Years party!
HER: Oh for pity's SAKE, Harold! I told you, didn't I? I TOLD you not to get all dressed up for a quickie!
HIM: Well I--
HER: Oh just get off me. I still have to cauterize this thing and put on my face.
HIM: Crap! We're late for the Johnson's New Years party!
HER: Oh for pity's SAKE, Harold! I told you, didn't I? I TOLD you not to get all dressed up for a quickie!
HIM: Well I--
HER: Oh just get off me. I still have to cauterize this thing and put on my face.
The Kennedy Center is explicitly a memorial. This is like chiseling your own name onto someone else's tombstone.
December 31, 2025 at 1:02 AM
The Kennedy Center is explicitly a memorial. This is like chiseling your own name onto someone else's tombstone.
Bobo realized too late that his Pert Plus For Pelts Leave-In Creame Rinse wasn’t supposed to be left in overnight. It hardened, trapping him, but Bobo didn't let that stop him and now works as a mascot, holding a giant muffler outside the Midas shop in Needles, California.
December 30, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Bobo realized too late that his Pert Plus For Pelts Leave-In Creame Rinse wasn’t supposed to be left in overnight. It hardened, trapping him, but Bobo didn't let that stop him and now works as a mascot, holding a giant muffler outside the Midas shop in Needles, California.
HER: They say stolen sweets taste all the sweeter, but I dunno...this high fructose corn syrup still tastes like shit.
December 30, 2025 at 5:18 AM
HER: They say stolen sweets taste all the sweeter, but I dunno...this high fructose corn syrup still tastes like shit.
These are two of the five forms the Bible tells us that seafood must never take. The other three are liquid, gaseous, or planted side by side with flax.
December 29, 2025 at 4:46 PM
These are two of the five forms the Bible tells us that seafood must never take. The other three are liquid, gaseous, or planted side by side with flax.
If clickbait smelled like real bait, I would save a huge amount of time.
December 28, 2025 at 6:02 PM
If clickbait smelled like real bait, I would save a huge amount of time.
If you love your pipe wrench, let it go.
If it doesn't return, then it was never yours to begin with.
But if it comes back to you, then you accidentally threw a boomerang and maybe get your head out of your ass cuz we're trying to produce an inspirational poster here.
If it doesn't return, then it was never yours to begin with.
But if it comes back to you, then you accidentally threw a boomerang and maybe get your head out of your ass cuz we're trying to produce an inspirational poster here.
December 28, 2025 at 5:52 PM
If you love your pipe wrench, let it go.
If it doesn't return, then it was never yours to begin with.
But if it comes back to you, then you accidentally threw a boomerang and maybe get your head out of your ass cuz we're trying to produce an inspirational poster here.
If it doesn't return, then it was never yours to begin with.
But if it comes back to you, then you accidentally threw a boomerang and maybe get your head out of your ass cuz we're trying to produce an inspirational poster here.
A Man Trapped in an Unknown Universe!
Even worse...a Man of STYLE!
HIM: Wha--? Oh no! No, no, NO! Rolled stockings? With ANKLE BOOTS? What mad universe would PERMIT such a thing?? (Also there seem to be demons everywhere) But THOSE BOOTS...!
Even worse...a Man of STYLE!
HIM: Wha--? Oh no! No, no, NO! Rolled stockings? With ANKLE BOOTS? What mad universe would PERMIT such a thing?? (Also there seem to be demons everywhere) But THOSE BOOTS...!
December 27, 2025 at 6:10 PM
A Man Trapped in an Unknown Universe!
Even worse...a Man of STYLE!
HIM: Wha--? Oh no! No, no, NO! Rolled stockings? With ANKLE BOOTS? What mad universe would PERMIT such a thing?? (Also there seem to be demons everywhere) But THOSE BOOTS...!
Even worse...a Man of STYLE!
HIM: Wha--? Oh no! No, no, NO! Rolled stockings? With ANKLE BOOTS? What mad universe would PERMIT such a thing?? (Also there seem to be demons everywhere) But THOSE BOOTS...!
Despite our precarious and mercurial lives, some things remain certain: Death. Taxes. And e-scooters parked outside the pot dispensary.
December 27, 2025 at 5:57 PM
Despite our precarious and mercurial lives, some things remain certain: Death. Taxes. And e-scooters parked outside the pot dispensary.
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
they should've used an asterisk and made the second line smaller
I've been thinking about this sign for 6 months. a phrase I'll treasure forever. a metaphor with boundless potential
December 26, 2025 at 6:45 PM
they should've used an asterisk and made the second line smaller
"Photograph by courtesy of California Raisin Bureau"
I'm not the sort of ghoul who slows down to gawk at highway accidents, but the word "courtesy" is doing so much heavy lifting here that this may be my one and only chance to see a noun get a hernia.
I'm not the sort of ghoul who slows down to gawk at highway accidents, but the word "courtesy" is doing so much heavy lifting here that this may be my one and only chance to see a noun get a hernia.
December 26, 2025 at 5:02 PM
"Photograph by courtesy of California Raisin Bureau"
I'm not the sort of ghoul who slows down to gawk at highway accidents, but the word "courtesy" is doing so much heavy lifting here that this may be my one and only chance to see a noun get a hernia.
I'm not the sort of ghoul who slows down to gawk at highway accidents, but the word "courtesy" is doing so much heavy lifting here that this may be my one and only chance to see a noun get a hernia.
After the Apocalypse, Mutant Santa stages a Sudden Death caroling contest to decide which of the hideous survivors will live, and which will be strangled to death by his own quadextrous hands.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Merry Christmas, everyone!
December 25, 2025 at 10:38 PM
After the Apocalypse, Mutant Santa stages a Sudden Death caroling contest to decide which of the hideous survivors will live, and which will be strangled to death by his own quadextrous hands.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Santa comes to Hollywood but once a year, bringing the yuletide spirit of Xanadu.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzr4...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzr4...
Father Rollerboogie
YouTube video by Scott Clevenger
www.youtube.com
December 25, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Santa comes to Hollywood but once a year, bringing the yuletide spirit of Xanadu.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzr4...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uzr4...
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
Seasons greetings Bluesky buddies. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope you’ll be spending some time in the next few days with people you care about and who care about you.
Happy Holidays
Happy Holidays
December 24, 2025 at 11:19 PM
Seasons greetings Bluesky buddies. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope you’ll be spending some time in the next few days with people you care about and who care about you.
Happy Holidays
Happy Holidays
Meanwhile, in another part of the Multiverse, Pharaoh is about to declare the Hebrews must make bricks without straw, when suddenly he gets a REALLY weird idea...
December 24, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Meanwhile, in another part of the Multiverse, Pharaoh is about to declare the Hebrews must make bricks without straw, when suddenly he gets a REALLY weird idea...
The shocking climax of "Se7en" had Brad Pitt's character been played by a dog.
December 24, 2025 at 1:49 AM
The shocking climax of "Se7en" had Brad Pitt's character been played by a dog.
HER: Remember Dudley, there's no law below the belt!
HIM: Right! Wait. Don't you mean Zero?
HER: It's wild and wooly country below your belt! Rich, fertile, virgin territory, ripe for exploitation! And I mean to carve an EMPIRE out of it.
HIM: Your pillow talk is weird, Nell.
HIM: Right! Wait. Don't you mean Zero?
HER: It's wild and wooly country below your belt! Rich, fertile, virgin territory, ripe for exploitation! And I mean to carve an EMPIRE out of it.
HIM: Your pillow talk is weird, Nell.
December 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
HER: Remember Dudley, there's no law below the belt!
HIM: Right! Wait. Don't you mean Zero?
HER: It's wild and wooly country below your belt! Rich, fertile, virgin territory, ripe for exploitation! And I mean to carve an EMPIRE out of it.
HIM: Your pillow talk is weird, Nell.
HIM: Right! Wait. Don't you mean Zero?
HER: It's wild and wooly country below your belt! Rich, fertile, virgin territory, ripe for exploitation! And I mean to carve an EMPIRE out of it.
HIM: Your pillow talk is weird, Nell.