Scott Clevenger
@scottclevenger.bsky.social
Author. Co-host of The Slumgullion podcast. Hypocritical screenwriter. I write mean but funny movie reviews at Better Living Through Bad Movies: https://clevenger.substack.com
Leon Trotsky was about to embark on an exciting new life of cosmic heroism, when his transformation into Ultraman was suddenly interrupted by a Stalinist assassin burying an ice axe in the top of his skull.
January 16, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Leon Trotsky was about to embark on an exciting new life of cosmic heroism, when his transformation into Ultraman was suddenly interrupted by a Stalinist assassin burying an ice axe in the top of his skull.
CAPTAIN'S LOG: We've made an crash landing on planet M-748. The ship is partially buried, the long steel tube rising at a 45 degree angle. Repairs are underway.
I thought the crash had frightened off the natives, but the local Testicle People seem strangely drawn to our rocket...
I thought the crash had frightened off the natives, but the local Testicle People seem strangely drawn to our rocket...
January 16, 2026 at 5:21 PM
CAPTAIN'S LOG: We've made an crash landing on planet M-748. The ship is partially buried, the long steel tube rising at a 45 degree angle. Repairs are underway.
I thought the crash had frightened off the natives, but the local Testicle People seem strangely drawn to our rocket...
I thought the crash had frightened off the natives, but the local Testicle People seem strangely drawn to our rocket...
BABE THE BLUE OX: Excuse me, I'm looking for the Bunyan-Feinberg wedding recep--OH MY GOD!
January 16, 2026 at 3:41 AM
BABE THE BLUE OX: Excuse me, I'm looking for the Bunyan-Feinberg wedding recep--OH MY GOD!
PRIMO: Think fast!
DR. SOLAR: Ow! Quit it, you asshole!
PRIMO: Aw, look who's got his unitard in a bunch...! Big baby. THINK FAST!
DR. SOLAR: OW!
DR. SOLAR: Ow! Quit it, you asshole!
PRIMO: Aw, look who's got his unitard in a bunch...! Big baby. THINK FAST!
DR. SOLAR: OW!
January 15, 2026 at 6:40 PM
PRIMO: Think fast!
DR. SOLAR: Ow! Quit it, you asshole!
PRIMO: Aw, look who's got his unitard in a bunch...! Big baby. THINK FAST!
DR. SOLAR: OW!
DR. SOLAR: Ow! Quit it, you asshole!
PRIMO: Aw, look who's got his unitard in a bunch...! Big baby. THINK FAST!
DR. SOLAR: OW!
“Jeez, LOOK at this frigging drama queen...”
January 15, 2026 at 1:26 AM
“Jeez, LOOK at this frigging drama queen...”
HER: Oh thank Heaven! The Black Bat shot that break dancer brandishing a Crocodile Dundee knife!
BLACK BAT: I swore to kill the Eighties...and today I kept that promise.
BLACK BAT: I swore to kill the Eighties...and today I kept that promise.
January 14, 2026 at 5:07 PM
HER: Oh thank Heaven! The Black Bat shot that break dancer brandishing a Crocodile Dundee knife!
BLACK BAT: I swore to kill the Eighties...and today I kept that promise.
BLACK BAT: I swore to kill the Eighties...and today I kept that promise.
Oh crap
I think we left the Elf on the Shelf too long
I think we left the Elf on the Shelf too long
January 14, 2026 at 3:18 AM
Oh crap
I think we left the Elf on the Shelf too long
I think we left the Elf on the Shelf too long
"Good news, Chief! I caught Kevin Bacon! Yeah, he's right here, zero degrees of separation. Huh? Well I'm TRYING to bring him in, but I'm gonna need back-up! No, HE'S not giving me any trouble, but I'm having to fend off some folks who are VERY interested in lowering their own Bacon Numbers..."
January 13, 2026 at 11:55 PM
"Good news, Chief! I caught Kevin Bacon! Yeah, he's right here, zero degrees of separation. Huh? Well I'm TRYING to bring him in, but I'm gonna need back-up! No, HE'S not giving me any trouble, but I'm having to fend off some folks who are VERY interested in lowering their own Bacon Numbers..."
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
Maybe it's the migraine, maybe it's just the brain, but I read backdoor sinners and amusingly, nothing needs to change
January 13, 2026 at 5:12 PM
Maybe it's the migraine, maybe it's just the brain, but I read backdoor sinners and amusingly, nothing needs to change
(Originally published as "Hillbilly Elegy")
January 13, 2026 at 5:05 PM
(Originally published as "Hillbilly Elegy")
🎶 I can't seem to forget you
Your Windsong stays on my mind--OW OW OW STOP PULLING YOU'RE STUCK IN MY HAIR...!!
Your Windsong stays on my mind--OW OW OW STOP PULLING YOU'RE STUCK IN MY HAIR...!!
January 12, 2026 at 5:51 PM
🎶 I can't seem to forget you
Your Windsong stays on my mind--OW OW OW STOP PULLING YOU'RE STUCK IN MY HAIR...!!
Your Windsong stays on my mind--OW OW OW STOP PULLING YOU'RE STUCK IN MY HAIR...!!
Trudy Lefebvre had the sharpest mind in the Paris Police Laboratory. She was an expert in dactyloscopy, toxicology, firearms examination, and shoe- and glove-print analysis. But the rent was too damn high, so she made ends meet by also doing two shows nightly at the Crazy Horse.
January 12, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Trudy Lefebvre had the sharpest mind in the Paris Police Laboratory. She was an expert in dactyloscopy, toxicology, firearms examination, and shoe- and glove-print analysis. But the rent was too damn high, so she made ends meet by also doing two shows nightly at the Crazy Horse.
Remember when Lambada was the "Forbidden" dance?
And we didn't even QUESTION it! We were all like "yeah okay it's off the menu we'll go back to clogging"...
I can't believe our generation was so easily cowed by Big Dance.
And we didn't even QUESTION it! We were all like "yeah okay it's off the menu we'll go back to clogging"...
I can't believe our generation was so easily cowed by Big Dance.
January 11, 2026 at 3:40 AM
Remember when Lambada was the "Forbidden" dance?
And we didn't even QUESTION it! We were all like "yeah okay it's off the menu we'll go back to clogging"...
I can't believe our generation was so easily cowed by Big Dance.
And we didn't even QUESTION it! We were all like "yeah okay it's off the menu we'll go back to clogging"...
I can't believe our generation was so easily cowed by Big Dance.
GIRL: Oh no, Mother--it smashed him!
HIM: I HATE these smashing features!
WOMAN: Stand back, Debbie! And you, flyboy, just play dead. We all know I'm the only one here with the skills, the experience, and the capacity to handle a cock this size.
HIM: I HATE these smashing features!
WOMAN: Stand back, Debbie! And you, flyboy, just play dead. We all know I'm the only one here with the skills, the experience, and the capacity to handle a cock this size.
January 10, 2026 at 7:15 PM
GIRL: Oh no, Mother--it smashed him!
HIM: I HATE these smashing features!
WOMAN: Stand back, Debbie! And you, flyboy, just play dead. We all know I'm the only one here with the skills, the experience, and the capacity to handle a cock this size.
HIM: I HATE these smashing features!
WOMAN: Stand back, Debbie! And you, flyboy, just play dead. We all know I'm the only one here with the skills, the experience, and the capacity to handle a cock this size.
MONSTER: BEHOLD my terrifying FACE TESTICLES!
ULTRAMAN: Hang on, Scrote-Jaw. Your shoe's untied.
MONSTER: Oh shoot, and I got my stabbin' hands on. Could you...?
ULTRAMAN: I gotcha buddy. Say, how're they hangin'?
MONSTER: Hee! That never gets old.
ULTRAMAN: Hang on, Scrote-Jaw. Your shoe's untied.
MONSTER: Oh shoot, and I got my stabbin' hands on. Could you...?
ULTRAMAN: I gotcha buddy. Say, how're they hangin'?
MONSTER: Hee! That never gets old.
January 10, 2026 at 4:09 AM
MONSTER: BEHOLD my terrifying FACE TESTICLES!
ULTRAMAN: Hang on, Scrote-Jaw. Your shoe's untied.
MONSTER: Oh shoot, and I got my stabbin' hands on. Could you...?
ULTRAMAN: I gotcha buddy. Say, how're they hangin'?
MONSTER: Hee! That never gets old.
ULTRAMAN: Hang on, Scrote-Jaw. Your shoe's untied.
MONSTER: Oh shoot, and I got my stabbin' hands on. Could you...?
ULTRAMAN: I gotcha buddy. Say, how're they hangin'?
MONSTER: Hee! That never gets old.
Many people don't know that the duet "A Whole New World" from ALADDIN (1992) was inspired by this scene from Ray Cummings' 1942 novel of the future, "A Brand New World" in which a life-size Spartan-shaped weed gummy takes Princess Featherfeet on a tour of the moon.
January 9, 2026 at 6:30 PM
Many people don't know that the duet "A Whole New World" from ALADDIN (1992) was inspired by this scene from Ray Cummings' 1942 novel of the future, "A Brand New World" in which a life-size Spartan-shaped weed gummy takes Princess Featherfeet on a tour of the moon.
PILOT: Now that we've won the Great War, Betsy and I can return to our first love: using the wonders of aviation to spread flowers and good luck Swastikas to all the loving hearts of the world.
BETSY: I bet this cover is gonna age GREAT!
BETSY: I bet this cover is gonna age GREAT!
January 9, 2026 at 1:31 AM
PILOT: Now that we've won the Great War, Betsy and I can return to our first love: using the wonders of aviation to spread flowers and good luck Swastikas to all the loving hearts of the world.
BETSY: I bet this cover is gonna age GREAT!
BETSY: I bet this cover is gonna age GREAT!
Once you've tried Lipton California Dip, you'll go on to bigger things.
Cuz why would you waste your life sampling dehydrated soup? You've DARED the DIP! You're ready for SOMETHING BIGGER!
Like a 5-county killing spree climaxing in a desperate shoot-out in a Fresno raisin field.
Cuz why would you waste your life sampling dehydrated soup? You've DARED the DIP! You're ready for SOMETHING BIGGER!
Like a 5-county killing spree climaxing in a desperate shoot-out in a Fresno raisin field.
January 8, 2026 at 5:57 PM
Once you've tried Lipton California Dip, you'll go on to bigger things.
Cuz why would you waste your life sampling dehydrated soup? You've DARED the DIP! You're ready for SOMETHING BIGGER!
Like a 5-county killing spree climaxing in a desperate shoot-out in a Fresno raisin field.
Cuz why would you waste your life sampling dehydrated soup? You've DARED the DIP! You're ready for SOMETHING BIGGER!
Like a 5-county killing spree climaxing in a desperate shoot-out in a Fresno raisin field.
HIM: Granny, no! I told you to put something on the next time you haunted me!
HER: Oh pshaw! I was nudist in life, why would I go to my eternal reward in a corset and high button shoes? Now give Granny a kiss!
HIM: Ugh, no! MOM! Granny’s ghost is going all free-titty in my room again! Make her stop!
HER: Oh pshaw! I was nudist in life, why would I go to my eternal reward in a corset and high button shoes? Now give Granny a kiss!
HIM: Ugh, no! MOM! Granny’s ghost is going all free-titty in my room again! Make her stop!
January 8, 2026 at 5:35 AM
HIM: Granny, no! I told you to put something on the next time you haunted me!
HER: Oh pshaw! I was nudist in life, why would I go to my eternal reward in a corset and high button shoes? Now give Granny a kiss!
HIM: Ugh, no! MOM! Granny’s ghost is going all free-titty in my room again! Make her stop!
HER: Oh pshaw! I was nudist in life, why would I go to my eternal reward in a corset and high button shoes? Now give Granny a kiss!
HIM: Ugh, no! MOM! Granny’s ghost is going all free-titty in my room again! Make her stop!
CRIMSON HARVEST!
YELLOW DOOM!
GREEN CLOVERS!
The original design of the Lucky Charms box was a lot more dynamic and, frankly, a much better reflection of my mood first thing in the morning.
YELLOW DOOM!
GREEN CLOVERS!
The original design of the Lucky Charms box was a lot more dynamic and, frankly, a much better reflection of my mood first thing in the morning.
January 7, 2026 at 9:39 PM
CRIMSON HARVEST!
YELLOW DOOM!
GREEN CLOVERS!
The original design of the Lucky Charms box was a lot more dynamic and, frankly, a much better reflection of my mood first thing in the morning.
YELLOW DOOM!
GREEN CLOVERS!
The original design of the Lucky Charms box was a lot more dynamic and, frankly, a much better reflection of my mood first thing in the morning.
They said it couldn't be done, but now Hunt's fine CATSUP has FLAVOR! Confuse your French fries with new HICKORY! Pour our liquid PIZZA on your tubesteak! But catsup traditionalists can relax, because Hunt's Catsup still comes in original Odorless, Colorless, Non-Toxic flavor!
January 6, 2026 at 4:56 PM
They said it couldn't be done, but now Hunt's fine CATSUP has FLAVOR! Confuse your French fries with new HICKORY! Pour our liquid PIZZA on your tubesteak! But catsup traditionalists can relax, because Hunt's Catsup still comes in original Odorless, Colorless, Non-Toxic flavor!
Outside, it's cold as a Witch's Teat. But inside, it's warm as a Salem Box.
January 6, 2026 at 4:44 PM
Outside, it's cold as a Witch's Teat. But inside, it's warm as a Salem Box.
Bob really...I mean REALLY...wants to toss your salad.
January 5, 2026 at 7:43 PM
Bob really...I mean REALLY...wants to toss your salad.
Hey, can we get the Mackerel Fluffer in here? My fish pudding's looking a little flaccid.
January 5, 2026 at 5:49 PM
Hey, can we get the Mackerel Fluffer in here? My fish pudding's looking a little flaccid.
REBEL TROOPER: Freeze, Wampa!
WAMPA: Grr?
REBEL: One false move and we'll BLAST you!
WAMPA: (WHIMPERS)
REBEL: Now...SLOWLY...perform two relevés into a sauté. Land in a grand plié, then finish in 5th position! (YELLS) And who the hell put on Stravinsky? He can't dance to this Firebird shit!
WAMPA: Grr?
REBEL: One false move and we'll BLAST you!
WAMPA: (WHIMPERS)
REBEL: Now...SLOWLY...perform two relevés into a sauté. Land in a grand plié, then finish in 5th position! (YELLS) And who the hell put on Stravinsky? He can't dance to this Firebird shit!
January 5, 2026 at 2:01 PM
REBEL TROOPER: Freeze, Wampa!
WAMPA: Grr?
REBEL: One false move and we'll BLAST you!
WAMPA: (WHIMPERS)
REBEL: Now...SLOWLY...perform two relevés into a sauté. Land in a grand plié, then finish in 5th position! (YELLS) And who the hell put on Stravinsky? He can't dance to this Firebird shit!
WAMPA: Grr?
REBEL: One false move and we'll BLAST you!
WAMPA: (WHIMPERS)
REBEL: Now...SLOWLY...perform two relevés into a sauté. Land in a grand plié, then finish in 5th position! (YELLS) And who the hell put on Stravinsky? He can't dance to this Firebird shit!