Scott Clevenger
@scottclevenger.bsky.social
Author. Co-host of The Slumgullion podcast. Hypocritical screenwriter. I write mean but funny movie reviews at Better Living Through Bad Movies: https://clevenger.substack.com
She was the most completely mediocre person who ever lived!
November 12, 2025 at 1:00 PM
She was the most completely mediocre person who ever lived!
CRIME CRUSHER: Oh no, it's the Scarlet Unitard! Don't bother aiming for the head, Bob, his longjohns are bulletproof! Our only hope is to sneakily unbutton the flap in back and shoot him in the ass--like Achilles, it's his one weakness!
November 11, 2025 at 9:40 PM
CRIME CRUSHER: Oh no, it's the Scarlet Unitard! Don't bother aiming for the head, Bob, his longjohns are bulletproof! Our only hope is to sneakily unbutton the flap in back and shoot him in the ass--like Achilles, it's his one weakness!
Using Dorothy as a human shield had worked perfectly.
"Thanks for the brain," the Scarecrow smirked, as the Wizard's bullet-riddled body hit the floor. "Too bad it's a psychopathic brain...a brain filled with thoughts of such pure and transcendent evil your tiny mind could never comprehend them!"
"Thanks for the brain," the Scarecrow smirked, as the Wizard's bullet-riddled body hit the floor. "Too bad it's a psychopathic brain...a brain filled with thoughts of such pure and transcendent evil your tiny mind could never comprehend them!"
November 11, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Using Dorothy as a human shield had worked perfectly.
"Thanks for the brain," the Scarecrow smirked, as the Wizard's bullet-riddled body hit the floor. "Too bad it's a psychopathic brain...a brain filled with thoughts of such pure and transcendent evil your tiny mind could never comprehend them!"
"Thanks for the brain," the Scarecrow smirked, as the Wizard's bullet-riddled body hit the floor. "Too bad it's a psychopathic brain...a brain filled with thoughts of such pure and transcendent evil your tiny mind could never comprehend them!"
HIM: Uh, honey?
HER: Frank? What the--I told you never to call me at work!
HIM: Sorry, I just--
HER: This better me an EMERGENCY!
HIM: Uh...
HER: WELL??
HIM: ...how long do you leave in a baked potato?
HER: Frank? What the--I told you never to call me at work!
HIM: Sorry, I just--
HER: This better me an EMERGENCY!
HIM: Uh...
HER: WELL??
HIM: ...how long do you leave in a baked potato?
November 10, 2025 at 5:17 PM
HIM: Uh, honey?
HER: Frank? What the--I told you never to call me at work!
HIM: Sorry, I just--
HER: This better me an EMERGENCY!
HIM: Uh...
HER: WELL??
HIM: ...how long do you leave in a baked potato?
HER: Frank? What the--I told you never to call me at work!
HIM: Sorry, I just--
HER: This better me an EMERGENCY!
HIM: Uh...
HER: WELL??
HIM: ...how long do you leave in a baked potato?
A grown up Nancy Drew, feeling nostalgic for the days of Old Clocks and Hidden Staircases, decides to solve the Secret of The Second Door! (Spoiler alert: turns out it was just a euphemism for anal sex.)
November 9, 2025 at 6:29 PM
A grown up Nancy Drew, feeling nostalgic for the days of Old Clocks and Hidden Staircases, decides to solve the Secret of The Second Door! (Spoiler alert: turns out it was just a euphemism for anal sex.)
I...
I just...
I have no comment.
I just...
I have no comment.
November 8, 2025 at 5:55 PM
I...
I just...
I have no comment.
I just...
I have no comment.
"Alright fellas, let's all remain calm, now. Nobody shoot. I think what's happened is, we got ourselves stuck in a Spider-Man meme..."
November 7, 2025 at 4:42 PM
"Alright fellas, let's all remain calm, now. Nobody shoot. I think what's happened is, we got ourselves stuck in a Spider-Man meme..."
HIM: ZZZzzzzSNORT! Huh? What the...? Oh for cripes sake! First I sleep-eat all the Space Food Sticks in the galley, now I'm sleep-spacewalking? I swear I'm never taking Ambien again!
WIFE: Sweetheart? Come back to bed…
HIM: One sec, Hun. I seem to be explosively decompressing...
WIFE: Sweetheart? Come back to bed…
HIM: One sec, Hun. I seem to be explosively decompressing...
November 7, 2025 at 12:17 AM
HIM: ZZZzzzzSNORT! Huh? What the...? Oh for cripes sake! First I sleep-eat all the Space Food Sticks in the galley, now I'm sleep-spacewalking? I swear I'm never taking Ambien again!
WIFE: Sweetheart? Come back to bed…
HIM: One sec, Hun. I seem to be explosively decompressing...
WIFE: Sweetheart? Come back to bed…
HIM: One sec, Hun. I seem to be explosively decompressing...
DOCTOR: I’m afraid I have some bad news for you, Jimmy. I’ve consulted with Dr. Jennings here, and he agrees with my diagnosis…It appears you have water on the brain.
JIMMY: Shucks!
DOCTOR: Also, the Make A Wish Foundation turned down your request for a blow dryer.
JIMMY: Shucks!
DOCTOR: Also, the Make A Wish Foundation turned down your request for a blow dryer.
November 6, 2025 at 5:05 PM
DOCTOR: I’m afraid I have some bad news for you, Jimmy. I’ve consulted with Dr. Jennings here, and he agrees with my diagnosis…It appears you have water on the brain.
JIMMY: Shucks!
DOCTOR: Also, the Make A Wish Foundation turned down your request for a blow dryer.
JIMMY: Shucks!
DOCTOR: Also, the Make A Wish Foundation turned down your request for a blow dryer.
HER: Hang on, Rajah! My Singing Whip is home with laryngitis, but my Yodeling Dagger will deal with this villain!
VILLAIN: Foiled! Curses! And I wanted to give him a taste of my A Cappella Mortadella!
HER: What?
VILLAIN: What?
VILLAIN: Foiled! Curses! And I wanted to give him a taste of my A Cappella Mortadella!
HER: What?
VILLAIN: What?
November 6, 2025 at 2:55 AM
HER: Hang on, Rajah! My Singing Whip is home with laryngitis, but my Yodeling Dagger will deal with this villain!
VILLAIN: Foiled! Curses! And I wanted to give him a taste of my A Cappella Mortadella!
HER: What?
VILLAIN: What?
VILLAIN: Foiled! Curses! And I wanted to give him a taste of my A Cappella Mortadella!
HER: What?
VILLAIN: What?
I once thought I'd left that life behind, but there's no getting around it: you can leave McDonaldland, but it never really leaves you. Even now, whenever someone wonders aloud, "Whatever happened to Ronald McDonald?" I can't help remembering the last time I saw him...
November 5, 2025 at 2:34 PM
I once thought I'd left that life behind, but there's no getting around it: you can leave McDonaldland, but it never really leaves you. Even now, whenever someone wonders aloud, "Whatever happened to Ronald McDonald?" I can't help remembering the last time I saw him...
HER: Don't bother trying to cover up the evidence, Frank. I know you've been cheating on me with Lionel Richie.
November 4, 2025 at 4:33 PM
HER: Don't bother trying to cover up the evidence, Frank. I know you've been cheating on me with Lionel Richie.
HER: Take...THIS!
HIM: NOOO! Here I am, on the verge of my greatest triumph, yet FOILED by a...um...Hey lady? It's called "underpants". Look into it.
HER: I forgot to do laundry. Still, I beat YOU!
HIM: Yeah? Well...Maybe I'm not gonna rule the world, but YOU'RE not a natural blonde!
HIM: NOOO! Here I am, on the verge of my greatest triumph, yet FOILED by a...um...Hey lady? It's called "underpants". Look into it.
HER: I forgot to do laundry. Still, I beat YOU!
HIM: Yeah? Well...Maybe I'm not gonna rule the world, but YOU'RE not a natural blonde!
November 3, 2025 at 4:30 PM
HER: Take...THIS!
HIM: NOOO! Here I am, on the verge of my greatest triumph, yet FOILED by a...um...Hey lady? It's called "underpants". Look into it.
HER: I forgot to do laundry. Still, I beat YOU!
HIM: Yeah? Well...Maybe I'm not gonna rule the world, but YOU'RE not a natural blonde!
HIM: NOOO! Here I am, on the verge of my greatest triumph, yet FOILED by a...um...Hey lady? It's called "underpants". Look into it.
HER: I forgot to do laundry. Still, I beat YOU!
HIM: Yeah? Well...Maybe I'm not gonna rule the world, but YOU'RE not a natural blonde!
Coming this Fall! Its Nipples and Pustules--they're cops! Watch them in CSI: Monster Island! Wednesdays at 10, 9 Central, on most of these CBS stations.
November 2, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Coming this Fall! Its Nipples and Pustules--they're cops! Watch them in CSI: Monster Island! Wednesdays at 10, 9 Central, on most of these CBS stations.
When I was a kid I sold lemonade from a card table on our front lawn, but nowadays the big after school money is in cryptids.
November 2, 2025 at 2:42 PM
When I was a kid I sold lemonade from a card table on our front lawn, but nowadays the big after school money is in cryptids.
HIM: Hmmm, the position of the body indicates the victim was taking culinary classes and badly muffed his mise-en-place midterm.
(GUNFIRE)
It's the Baby Gangsters, Diaper Dan McGraw and the Koochy Koochy Koo Kid! Take cover! They'll try to spit up on you!
(GUNFIRE)
It's the Baby Gangsters, Diaper Dan McGraw and the Koochy Koochy Koo Kid! Take cover! They'll try to spit up on you!
November 1, 2025 at 4:40 PM
HIM: Hmmm, the position of the body indicates the victim was taking culinary classes and badly muffed his mise-en-place midterm.
(GUNFIRE)
It's the Baby Gangsters, Diaper Dan McGraw and the Koochy Koochy Koo Kid! Take cover! They'll try to spit up on you!
(GUNFIRE)
It's the Baby Gangsters, Diaper Dan McGraw and the Koochy Koochy Koo Kid! Take cover! They'll try to spit up on you!
If Washington Irving had a cooking show. This week it's skinless, bone-in, head-off Horseman.
October 31, 2025 at 10:49 PM
If Washington Irving had a cooking show. This week it's skinless, bone-in, head-off Horseman.
HER: Look Mother! All I do is stir in CRISCO...It's the CREAMIEST shortening I ever handled!
MOM: Yes! The CRISCO people did the HARD work for you. They've CREAMED CRISCO TWICE!
HER: Oh! Uh...
MOM: That's why it's not hard anymore.
HER: ...
MOM: Because of the refractory period--
HER: OKAY I GET IT
MOM: Yes! The CRISCO people did the HARD work for you. They've CREAMED CRISCO TWICE!
HER: Oh! Uh...
MOM: That's why it's not hard anymore.
HER: ...
MOM: Because of the refractory period--
HER: OKAY I GET IT
October 30, 2025 at 5:12 PM
HER: Look Mother! All I do is stir in CRISCO...It's the CREAMIEST shortening I ever handled!
MOM: Yes! The CRISCO people did the HARD work for you. They've CREAMED CRISCO TWICE!
HER: Oh! Uh...
MOM: That's why it's not hard anymore.
HER: ...
MOM: Because of the refractory period--
HER: OKAY I GET IT
MOM: Yes! The CRISCO people did the HARD work for you. They've CREAMED CRISCO TWICE!
HER: Oh! Uh...
MOM: That's why it's not hard anymore.
HER: ...
MOM: Because of the refractory period--
HER: OKAY I GET IT
Please, for the love of all that's holy, do NOT look up "Coney Island Steamer" on Urban Dictionary.
October 29, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Please, for the love of all that's holy, do NOT look up "Coney Island Steamer" on Urban Dictionary.
HER: Ya see, Luke? If ya just lower the BUCKET into the well, then ya don't have to deal with my screamin', and I don't have to deal with 5 case of pneumonia a year. Plus, the bucket can bring up LOTS more water than I can hold in my mouth!
October 29, 2025 at 2:20 PM
HER: Ya see, Luke? If ya just lower the BUCKET into the well, then ya don't have to deal with my screamin', and I don't have to deal with 5 case of pneumonia a year. Plus, the bucket can bring up LOTS more water than I can hold in my mouth!
RIO: (SWINGS IN) Whee! I've RETURNED!
"Ow!"
"Hey!"
RIO: (SWINGS TO, SWINGS FRO) I've returned again!
"My bottle!"
"My neck!"
RIO: (SWINGS OUT, SWINGS IN) I've returned a THIRD time! INCREDIBLE!
"Can someone explain to Rio Kid about the Pendulum Effect? He was homeschooled."
"Ow!"
"Hey!"
RIO: (SWINGS TO, SWINGS FRO) I've returned again!
"My bottle!"
"My neck!"
RIO: (SWINGS OUT, SWINGS IN) I've returned a THIRD time! INCREDIBLE!
"Can someone explain to Rio Kid about the Pendulum Effect? He was homeschooled."
October 28, 2025 at 6:41 PM
RIO: (SWINGS IN) Whee! I've RETURNED!
"Ow!"
"Hey!"
RIO: (SWINGS TO, SWINGS FRO) I've returned again!
"My bottle!"
"My neck!"
RIO: (SWINGS OUT, SWINGS IN) I've returned a THIRD time! INCREDIBLE!
"Can someone explain to Rio Kid about the Pendulum Effect? He was homeschooled."
"Ow!"
"Hey!"
RIO: (SWINGS TO, SWINGS FRO) I've returned again!
"My bottle!"
"My neck!"
RIO: (SWINGS OUT, SWINGS IN) I've returned a THIRD time! INCREDIBLE!
"Can someone explain to Rio Kid about the Pendulum Effect? He was homeschooled."
MEANWHILE, AT THE WILDEST MOTEL CHAIN IN THE OLD WEST...
"We're checkin' in!"
"No vacancy!" [BLAM!]
"Don't you be giving me no hot lead looks, kid. We're here with the Ugly Sidekicks Convention and I made these reservations weeks ago! Check under 'Scabby'."
"We're checkin' in!"
"No vacancy!" [BLAM!]
"Don't you be giving me no hot lead looks, kid. We're here with the Ugly Sidekicks Convention and I made these reservations weeks ago! Check under 'Scabby'."
October 27, 2025 at 3:00 PM
MEANWHILE, AT THE WILDEST MOTEL CHAIN IN THE OLD WEST...
"We're checkin' in!"
"No vacancy!" [BLAM!]
"Don't you be giving me no hot lead looks, kid. We're here with the Ugly Sidekicks Convention and I made these reservations weeks ago! Check under 'Scabby'."
"We're checkin' in!"
"No vacancy!" [BLAM!]
"Don't you be giving me no hot lead looks, kid. We're here with the Ugly Sidekicks Convention and I made these reservations weeks ago! Check under 'Scabby'."
Portland, Oregon’s famous “Barrier Birth Control Monument”, depicting the moment when a spermatozoon gets a concussion from a cervical cap.
October 26, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Portland, Oregon’s famous “Barrier Birth Control Monument”, depicting the moment when a spermatozoon gets a concussion from a cervical cap.
GHOST OF MICROSOFT'S "CLIPPY": It looks like you're trying to summon Candyman. Do you need help with that?
October 26, 2025 at 3:59 PM
GHOST OF MICROSOFT'S "CLIPPY": It looks like you're trying to summon Candyman. Do you need help with that?