Sarah
@sarahmel.bsky.social
Look, I’m just chasing that Twitter high.
To the Walgreens cashier who rang up the 45oz of miralax I bought for my dog, how do you THINK my day is going, hmm?
July 25, 2025 at 4:54 AM
To the Walgreens cashier who rang up the 45oz of miralax I bought for my dog, how do you THINK my day is going, hmm?
As much as I love her, I feel like rereading Didion in the current climate was probably a poor choice.
July 8, 2025 at 8:30 AM
As much as I love her, I feel like rereading Didion in the current climate was probably a poor choice.
I got a LinkedIn notification that a friend’s company was hiring and I sent him a silly note about how he might see a resume from me. Purely joking.
He wrote back “good luck with the application…”
It’s taking a lot of willpower to not tell him I don’t want his dumb job anyway
He wrote back “good luck with the application…”
It’s taking a lot of willpower to not tell him I don’t want his dumb job anyway
July 4, 2025 at 9:03 AM
I got a LinkedIn notification that a friend’s company was hiring and I sent him a silly note about how he might see a resume from me. Purely joking.
He wrote back “good luck with the application…”
It’s taking a lot of willpower to not tell him I don’t want his dumb job anyway
He wrote back “good luck with the application…”
It’s taking a lot of willpower to not tell him I don’t want his dumb job anyway
How bad of a person would I be if I left my dog’s poop bag on top of an Amazon bot?
June 19, 2025 at 3:13 AM
How bad of a person would I be if I left my dog’s poop bag on top of an Amazon bot?
My parents’ recent travel history:
2019: left a folder containing their passports and credit cards on a plane
2023: missed flight because mom left her phone, with her drivers license and credit card in the case, in the car
2025: arrived at airport 9 hours early(?????) intentionally (?????????)
2019: left a folder containing their passports and credit cards on a plane
2023: missed flight because mom left her phone, with her drivers license and credit card in the case, in the car
2025: arrived at airport 9 hours early(?????) intentionally (?????????)
June 17, 2025 at 7:44 AM
My parents’ recent travel history:
2019: left a folder containing their passports and credit cards on a plane
2023: missed flight because mom left her phone, with her drivers license and credit card in the case, in the car
2025: arrived at airport 9 hours early(?????) intentionally (?????????)
2019: left a folder containing their passports and credit cards on a plane
2023: missed flight because mom left her phone, with her drivers license and credit card in the case, in the car
2025: arrived at airport 9 hours early(?????) intentionally (?????????)
The fun thing about the world burning down is the insomnia it gives you, so not only are you stressed but you’re grumpy about it, too.
June 17, 2025 at 7:33 AM
The fun thing about the world burning down is the insomnia it gives you, so not only are you stressed but you’re grumpy about it, too.
I need a personal shopper whose only responsibility is reminding me to not buy things in pale pink because it will absolutely make me look naked from a distance.
June 4, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I need a personal shopper whose only responsibility is reminding me to not buy things in pale pink because it will absolutely make me look naked from a distance.
Any time I hear someone say they’ve found time savings through using AI always gives the most horrifying example, the sort of thing that one should never use AI for. What do you MEAN you let AI generate and read all of your contracts?
June 3, 2025 at 6:02 AM
Any time I hear someone say they’ve found time savings through using AI always gives the most horrifying example, the sort of thing that one should never use AI for. What do you MEAN you let AI generate and read all of your contracts?
Matchbox 20 doesn’t get enough credit for prominently featuring bassoon on a single. Not a lot of rock bands look at their songs and think, “you know what we need here? A bassoon solo”
May 23, 2025 at 5:45 AM
Matchbox 20 doesn’t get enough credit for prominently featuring bassoon on a single. Not a lot of rock bands look at their songs and think, “you know what we need here? A bassoon solo”
I know there’s a running joke about how the 90s made us all believe quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle would have a bigger part in our lives but did anyone else think that making soufflé would be more common? Why was collapsing soufflés something I thought I’d have to worry about?
May 4, 2025 at 11:17 PM
I know there’s a running joke about how the 90s made us all believe quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle would have a bigger part in our lives but did anyone else think that making soufflé would be more common? Why was collapsing soufflés something I thought I’d have to worry about?
Sometimes I wonder if I was always a people pleaser and then I remember a kid once complimented my tube socks in study hall and I gave them to him, right then and there. I went sockless for the rest of the day.
They weren’t even my socks, I was borrowing them from my dad.
They weren’t even my socks, I was borrowing them from my dad.
May 1, 2025 at 6:54 AM
Sometimes I wonder if I was always a people pleaser and then I remember a kid once complimented my tube socks in study hall and I gave them to him, right then and there. I went sockless for the rest of the day.
They weren’t even my socks, I was borrowing them from my dad.
They weren’t even my socks, I was borrowing them from my dad.
Just once I want a post apocalyptic show set in Seattle to show us what a dilapidated MOPOP would look like.
April 29, 2025 at 5:27 PM
Just once I want a post apocalyptic show set in Seattle to show us what a dilapidated MOPOP would look like.
I think I speak for everyone when I say the Santa Anas can fuck right off
January 21, 2025 at 12:07 AM
I think I speak for everyone when I say the Santa Anas can fuck right off
Oh hey, this app still exists.
December 1, 2024 at 4:48 AM
Oh hey, this app still exists.
Apple. I do not want a larger Apple Watch. I want an Apple Watch that looks like a watch. Please.
September 10, 2024 at 3:57 AM
Apple. I do not want a larger Apple Watch. I want an Apple Watch that looks like a watch. Please.
Whoever decided that The Perfect Couple should have a choreographed dance for its title sequence is either a genius or a moron and I’m not really certain which
September 7, 2024 at 5:53 PM
Whoever decided that The Perfect Couple should have a choreographed dance for its title sequence is either a genius or a moron and I’m not really certain which
I love a good-bad movie and nothing has ever been more quintessentially bad than the scene in The Purge: Election Year when a character said, “Jesus Christ, Rondo’s dead!” and then it cuts to a shot of Rondo on a gurney and the supposedly dead Rondo blinks.
June 22, 2024 at 5:02 AM
I love a good-bad movie and nothing has ever been more quintessentially bad than the scene in The Purge: Election Year when a character said, “Jesus Christ, Rondo’s dead!” and then it cuts to a shot of Rondo on a gurney and the supposedly dead Rondo blinks.
My favorite travel group trope is when someone says “my suitcase weighs 8lbs. Can anyone recommend something lighter?” And then 90% of the comments are recommendations for even heavier bags.
June 14, 2024 at 11:29 PM
My favorite travel group trope is when someone says “my suitcase weighs 8lbs. Can anyone recommend something lighter?” And then 90% of the comments are recommendations for even heavier bags.
The only thing more unsettling than a driverless waymo car is seeing a driverless waymo car where a passenger from the backseat is leaning into the front seat, trying to turn it into a free right towards you as you walk across the crosswalk
June 9, 2024 at 1:02 AM
The only thing more unsettling than a driverless waymo car is seeing a driverless waymo car where a passenger from the backseat is leaning into the front seat, trying to turn it into a free right towards you as you walk across the crosswalk
Why are my most recent emojis so consistently things I’ve never used before? I’m positive I’ve never used the circled ones in my life. In what context would I have used the beans???
May 21, 2024 at 4:21 AM
Why are my most recent emojis so consistently things I’ve never used before? I’m positive I’ve never used the circled ones in my life. In what context would I have used the beans???
Some idiot on fb is trying to sell a knockoff of the Eames House Bird for $180, justifying the price because the real thing sells for over $300, except based on his pics I can confidently say his is the $30 one from Amazon. So no, it doesn’t “go for $355” because it’s a super cheap fake.
April 17, 2024 at 5:39 PM
Some idiot on fb is trying to sell a knockoff of the Eames House Bird for $180, justifying the price because the real thing sells for over $300, except based on his pics I can confidently say his is the $30 one from Amazon. So no, it doesn’t “go for $355” because it’s a super cheap fake.
My dog just learned that sometimes people holding grocery bags have shrimp in those bags and sometimes they want to give a dog shrimp so my apologies to every person holding bags that we will ever see in the future.
April 12, 2024 at 3:53 AM
My dog just learned that sometimes people holding grocery bags have shrimp in those bags and sometimes they want to give a dog shrimp so my apologies to every person holding bags that we will ever see in the future.
Finding out a coworker is into CrossFit is like finding out they’re Scientologists.
April 10, 2024 at 3:59 AM
Finding out a coworker is into CrossFit is like finding out they’re Scientologists.
Every once in a while I remember the animated film Anastasia and have to stop and think about the fact a studio actually greenlit a movie based on the premise of “what if this little girl WASN’T brutally murdered along with the rest of her family?”
April 5, 2024 at 4:49 PM
Every once in a while I remember the animated film Anastasia and have to stop and think about the fact a studio actually greenlit a movie based on the premise of “what if this little girl WASN’T brutally murdered along with the rest of her family?”
Togo couches look uncomfortable and are visually only a single step up from a beanbag chair. There. I said it.
April 1, 2024 at 4:47 PM
Togo couches look uncomfortable and are visually only a single step up from a beanbag chair. There. I said it.