The Notorious ROY G BEV
@robwoodyard1.bsky.social
Freelance Writer: Late Show w/ David Letterman, etc. | Reasonably enthusiastic brand ambassador for Toughskins jeans | I ain't never heard of me neither
Pinned
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half the people out there are dumber than that." - George Carlin
You can tell we live in strangely changing times when you get an offer in the mail to refinance your dog.
February 9, 2026 at 10:37 PM
You can tell we live in strangely changing times when you get an offer in the mail to refinance your dog.
Bit disappointed #GreenDay dropped the "I'm not a part of your MAGA agenda" line from American Idiot but it was probably a condition set in advance (kinda surprised that song passed muster in the first place TBH, but NFL = $$ and the league's sole purpose is Hoovering up bucks) #superbowl
February 8, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Bit disappointed #GreenDay dropped the "I'm not a part of your MAGA agenda" line from American Idiot but it was probably a condition set in advance (kinda surprised that song passed muster in the first place TBH, but NFL = $$ and the league's sole purpose is Hoovering up bucks) #superbowl
The contrast between some pregame commentators openly proselytizing and others aggressively promoting gambling apps is head spinningly hilarious. #SuperBowl #SuperBowlLX
February 8, 2026 at 10:43 PM
The contrast between some pregame commentators openly proselytizing and others aggressively promoting gambling apps is head spinningly hilarious. #SuperBowl #SuperBowlLX
On this day in 1999, the untraceable throwaway cell phone was invented by Tim Burners-Lee #HappySunday #SuperBowl
February 8, 2026 at 7:42 AM
On this day in 1999, the untraceable throwaway cell phone was invented by Tim Burners-Lee #HappySunday #SuperBowl
The "talk English or move to another country!" crowd has apparently reached peaked trigger level tonight over the upcoming Bad Bunny halftime show (don't cry too hard, Jethro, or you'll soggy up your deep-fried squirrel nuggets...) 😂🐇. #BadBunny #SuperBowl
February 8, 2026 at 3:47 AM
The "talk English or move to another country!" crowd has apparently reached peaked trigger level tonight over the upcoming Bad Bunny halftime show (don't cry too hard, Jethro, or you'll soggy up your deep-fried squirrel nuggets...) 😂🐇. #BadBunny #SuperBowl
Scholars say the past few years have been a case study in how the mighty have felon.
February 7, 2026 at 10:38 PM
Scholars say the past few years have been a case study in how the mighty have felon.
People making fun of the former ticket scalper running for governor of Georgia are conveniently ignoring the fact that prior to embarking on a career in politics, Franklin Delano Roosevelt hawked grandstand seats to Ebbets Field out on Flatbush Avenue.
February 6, 2026 at 6:13 AM
People making fun of the former ticket scalper running for governor of Georgia are conveniently ignoring the fact that prior to embarking on a career in politics, Franklin Delano Roosevelt hawked grandstand seats to Ebbets Field out on Flatbush Avenue.
Six months from now, CBS programming will be 90% reruns of Family Feud and Cops (y'all know it's true)
February 3, 2026 at 6:58 AM
Six months from now, CBS programming will be 90% reruns of Family Feud and Cops (y'all know it's true)
Wonder if that bizarrely surreal commercial for United Healthcare that just ran during the #GRAMMYs was created by the same AI software they use to deny claims. #GrammyAwards
February 2, 2026 at 4:08 AM
Wonder if that bizarrely surreal commercial for United Healthcare that just ran during the #GRAMMYs was created by the same AI software they use to deny claims. #GrammyAwards
Since the MAGA cult loves to daydream about turning back the clock 50 years, it's no surprise that on the day more Epstein files are "sorta" released they're instead screaming in all caps about Jane Fonda.
January 31, 2026 at 12:02 AM
Since the MAGA cult loves to daydream about turning back the clock 50 years, it's no surprise that on the day more Epstein files are "sorta" released they're instead screaming in all caps about Jane Fonda.
Wall Street is being very unfair to Tim Apple by claiming he lost focus on business in order to grovel at the feet of politicians - is not the business of the American people more important than the business of business? #aapl
January 29, 2026 at 10:07 PM
Wall Street is being very unfair to Tim Apple by claiming he lost focus on business in order to grovel at the feet of politicians - is not the business of the American people more important than the business of business? #aapl
Barnii Weiss and "Dr." Jordan P. Peterson are two textbook examples of pseudointellectual word-salad slingers who convince the gullible they're geniuses, while failing to convey an original or genuinely incisive thought.
January 29, 2026 at 3:48 AM
Barnii Weiss and "Dr." Jordan P. Peterson are two textbook examples of pseudointellectual word-salad slingers who convince the gullible they're geniuses, while failing to convey an original or genuinely incisive thought.
There is apparently no truth to the rumor that all the empty theaters showing the new #Melania movie will be utilized as warming centers for people without power or housing.
January 29, 2026 at 3:32 AM
There is apparently no truth to the rumor that all the empty theaters showing the new #Melania movie will be utilized as warming centers for people without power or housing.
kinda sums up where we are that Tim Apple is happily genuflecting to the very people who would criminalize certain aspects of his personal life...
January 28, 2026 at 10:12 PM
kinda sums up where we are that Tim Apple is happily genuflecting to the very people who would criminalize certain aspects of his personal life...
Tim Apple is apparently a big fan of watching movies in empty theaters. Wonder if he sneaks in the protein bars he famously chomps on while wordlessly staring down subordinates in his spaceship office.
January 28, 2026 at 10:09 PM
Tim Apple is apparently a big fan of watching movies in empty theaters. Wonder if he sneaks in the protein bars he famously chomps on while wordlessly staring down subordinates in his spaceship office.
Next let's see that Jake Paul guy do a free climb up the side of the Empire State Building
January 27, 2026 at 12:32 AM
Next let's see that Jake Paul guy do a free climb up the side of the Empire State Building
"Life is what happens when you're trying to make plans but John Lennon keeps punching you in the face." - Mike Tyson
January 25, 2026 at 7:32 PM
"Life is what happens when you're trying to make plans but John Lennon keeps punching you in the face." - Mike Tyson
Moses Mike Johnson missed his true calling - selling Ozark timeshares to easy marks in the Creation Museum cafeteria ("if you say no to this once-in-an-lifetime opportunity, just remember...HE is watching your every move!")
January 24, 2026 at 6:45 AM
Moses Mike Johnson missed his true calling - selling Ozark timeshares to easy marks in the Creation Museum cafeteria ("if you say no to this once-in-an-lifetime opportunity, just remember...HE is watching your every move!")
Got an unsolicited email tonight for an event called "Kid Rock's Comedy Jam" - this sounds about as entertaining as John Wayne Gacy's Clown Makeup Festival
January 24, 2026 at 6:25 AM
Got an unsolicited email tonight for an event called "Kid Rock's Comedy Jam" - this sounds about as entertaining as John Wayne Gacy's Clown Makeup Festival
With apologies to Mitch Hedberg, spicy sand topped with pickles is my favorite snack when I want to eat thirty thousand and two of something #happyhumpday
January 21, 2026 at 11:09 PM
With apologies to Mitch Hedberg, spicy sand topped with pickles is my favorite snack when I want to eat thirty thousand and two of something #happyhumpday
Ole Miss must have made an ad buy two weeks ago thinking they'd be in the championship because a tourism commercial for the State of Mississippi just ran during tonight's game... #Indiana #Miami #NationalChampionship
January 20, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Ole Miss must have made an ad buy two weeks ago thinking they'd be in the championship because a tourism commercial for the State of Mississippi just ran during tonight's game... #Indiana #Miami #NationalChampionship
The worst airline in the country is not Frontier or Spirit, but rather Citizens United
January 18, 2026 at 11:08 PM
The worst airline in the country is not Frontier or Spirit, but rather Citizens United