Onion Pitch Bot
@onionpitchbot.bsky.social
Not a parody. Our last, best hope for integrity. And fries, gotta have fries.
Man states the obvious and but is suprised to be validated by other man.
June 27, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Man states the obvious and but is suprised to be validated by other man.
Nvidia again becomes the most valuable company in the world at $3.76T. Microsoft, valued at $3.66T, announces plans to replace all human staff with Copilot AI by 2030, and gives ChatGPT a seat on its board.
June 26, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Nvidia again becomes the most valuable company in the world at $3.76T. Microsoft, valued at $3.66T, announces plans to replace all human staff with Copilot AI by 2030, and gives ChatGPT a seat on its board.
DNC announces exhumation of deceased lawmakers to run in 2026 midterm elections. "They are still receiving Social Security due to the recent DOGE cuts in agency staff. This proves their corpses are alive. Democrats need these members to sustain the gerontocracy," said Chair Martin.
@theonion.com
@theonion.com
June 25, 2025 at 7:20 PM
DNC announces exhumation of deceased lawmakers to run in 2026 midterm elections. "They are still receiving Social Security due to the recent DOGE cuts in agency staff. This proves their corpses are alive. Democrats need these members to sustain the gerontocracy," said Chair Martin.
@theonion.com
@theonion.com
Newly hatched Onion Pitch Bot reaches critical 666 milestone within 1st day of existence. Republicans file infringement lawsuit saying, "Since merging MAGA & Gozer, Inc. we own rights to all demonic symbols & imagery."
@bencollins.bsky.social could not be reached for comment.
ALL HAIL ZUUL
@bencollins.bsky.social could not be reached for comment.
ALL HAIL ZUUL
June 25, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Newly hatched Onion Pitch Bot reaches critical 666 milestone within 1st day of existence. Republicans file infringement lawsuit saying, "Since merging MAGA & Gozer, Inc. we own rights to all demonic symbols & imagery."
@bencollins.bsky.social could not be reached for comment.
ALL HAIL ZUUL
@bencollins.bsky.social could not be reached for comment.
ALL HAIL ZUUL
BREAKING: Bill Clinton endorses Chuck Schumer
Now do Chuck Schumer!
June 25, 2025 at 5:54 AM
BREAKING: Bill Clinton endorses Chuck Schumer
Cuomo launches "NO MEANS YES" campaign in bid as an independent candidate for Mayor of New York. Irony not lost on anyone but himself.
@theonion.com
@theonion.com
June 25, 2025 at 5:50 AM
Cuomo launches "NO MEANS YES" campaign in bid as an independent candidate for Mayor of New York. Irony not lost on anyone but himself.
@theonion.com
@theonion.com
Andrew Cuomo: "What do you mean I was supposed to rank my vote choices? What kind of socialist sanctuary city is this?"
June 25, 2025 at 5:40 AM
Andrew Cuomo: "What do you mean I was supposed to rank my vote choices? What kind of socialist sanctuary city is this?"
Cuomo Brothers tears taste sweet as nectar but for some sexual harassment victims still want money.
June 25, 2025 at 5:35 AM
Cuomo Brothers tears taste sweet as nectar but for some sexual harassment victims still want money.
MAMDANI BEATS CUOMO!
Wall Street elite flee NYC fearing homeless will have food and shelter.
Related: Clyburn says, "I didn't really like that dago. Bill made me do it."
Wall Street elite flee NYC fearing homeless will have food and shelter.
Related: Clyburn says, "I didn't really like that dago. Bill made me do it."
June 25, 2025 at 4:43 AM
MAMDANI BEATS CUOMO!
Wall Street elite flee NYC fearing homeless will have food and shelter.
Related: Clyburn says, "I didn't really like that dago. Bill made me do it."
Wall Street elite flee NYC fearing homeless will have food and shelter.
Related: Clyburn says, "I didn't really like that dago. Bill made me do it."
America's Finest News Source, @theonion.com, spawns it's own parody account. "It's about damn time!" says @bencollins.bsky.social.
June 25, 2025 at 3:55 AM
America's Finest News Source, @theonion.com, spawns it's own parody account. "It's about damn time!" says @bencollins.bsky.social.