NewsThump
@newsthump.com
Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.
Suing someone for publishing something misleading feels like a thread Trump in particular shouldn't be keen on pulling at...?
November 10, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Suing someone for publishing something misleading feels like a thread Trump in particular shouldn't be keen on pulling at...?
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November 10, 2025 at 1:03 PM
The absolute BEST way to arrive at your office Christmas party. Bar none. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/cvFK6wD
On the same day that two senior execs resigned from the BBC for a misleading edit to a Trump speech, Trump himself shared as true a fake story (from a satire site) about Obama getting royalties from Obamacare.
I wonder who'll be forced to resign for spreading such obvious fake news?
Anyone?
I wonder who'll be forced to resign for spreading such obvious fake news?
Anyone?
November 10, 2025 at 11:17 AM
On the same day that two senior execs resigned from the BBC for a misleading edit to a Trump speech, Trump himself shared as true a fake story (from a satire site) about Obama getting royalties from Obamacare.
I wonder who'll be forced to resign for spreading such obvious fake news?
Anyone?
I wonder who'll be forced to resign for spreading such obvious fake news?
Anyone?
NEWS! Man who spends all year bemoaning 'virtue signallers' pretty keen for you to notice his massive poppy
Man who spends all year bemoaning ‘virtue signallers’ pretty keen for you to notice his massive poppy
The need to publicly signal your virtues through ostentatious displays of support for ideas you think have value is nothing but a liberal cancer, according to the guy in the pub desperate for you t…
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November 10, 2025 at 10:34 AM
NEWS! Man who spends all year bemoaning 'virtue signallers' pretty keen for you to notice his massive poppy
NEWS! The Mamdani Effect: Trump turns 'socialist' by promising everyone $2,000 government handout
The Mamdani Effect: Trump turns ‘socialist’ by promising everyone $2,000 government handout
Donald Trump is giving everyone a free handout of government money, after falling under the influence of NYC mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani.
buff.ly
November 10, 2025 at 8:53 AM
NEWS! The Mamdani Effect: Trump turns 'socialist' by promising everyone $2,000 government handout
NEWS! BBC appoints Big Sam to shore things up until the end of the season newsthump.com/2025/11/09/b...
BBC appoints Big Sam to shore things up until the end of the season
Sam Allardyce has been spotted outside BBC headquarters, as rumours swirl that he’ll be brought in to steady the ship until the end of the season.
newsthump.com
November 9, 2025 at 7:57 PM
NEWS! BBC appoints Big Sam to shore things up until the end of the season newsthump.com/2025/11/09/b...
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November 9, 2025 at 12:13 PM
The North Place. Keep yourself warm this Christmas with a subtle nod to our friend from the north with this The North Place Christmas Jumper! See the range of colours and get FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/DcXmkug
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November 8, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Classically trained. For drivers who still shift their own gears. Get yours with free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/QMd7wKo
NEWS! ‘I would trade all $1,000,000,000,000 for just one real friend’ confirms Elon Musk newsthump.com/2025/11/08/i...
‘I would trade all $1,000,000,000,000 for just one real friend’ confirms Elon Musk
Prospective trillionaire Elon Musk has today confirmed he would trade every single penny of his $1,000,000,000 Tesla pay package for just one real friend.
newsthump.com
November 8, 2025 at 8:37 AM
NEWS! ‘I would trade all $1,000,000,000,000 for just one real friend’ confirms Elon Musk newsthump.com/2025/11/08/i...
NEWS! Elon Musk aiming to become first trillionaire cult leader newsthump.com/2025/11/07/e...
Elon Musk aiming to become first trillionaire cult leader
Elon Musk moved a step closer to becoming the world’s first trillionaire-cult-leader hybrid yesterday after Tesla shareholders voted to approve his jaw-dropping pay deal, valued at $878 billion, or…
newsthump.com
November 7, 2025 at 2:44 PM
NEWS! Elon Musk aiming to become first trillionaire cult leader newsthump.com/2025/11/07/e...
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November 7, 2025 at 12:04 PM
Merry Christmas - Even to you a**esholes. The perfect Christmas jumper for that special get-together with people who will appreciate this sentiment. Get it with free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/hvCkAkF
NEWS! US Congress apologise for starting Andrew letter with ‘Dear Nonce’ newsthump.com/2025/11/07/u...
US Congress apologise for starting Andrew letter with ‘Dear Nonce’
Members of US Congress have apologised for beginning their summons letter to Andrew Mountbatten Windsor with ‘Dear Nonce’.
newsthump.com
November 7, 2025 at 10:25 AM
NEWS! US Congress apologise for starting Andrew letter with ‘Dear Nonce’ newsthump.com/2025/11/07/u...
"The fact that we're having to put signs on the rooms that he uses every single day in no way adds weight to the scurrilous dementia rumours"
November 7, 2025 at 9:40 AM
"The fact that we're having to put signs on the rooms that he uses every single day in no way adds weight to the scurrilous dementia rumours"
NEWS! David Olusaga still not sure who the final traitor is newsthump.com/2025/11/07/d...
David Olusaga still not sure who the final traitor is
David Olusaga still thinks Nick or Joe might be the final traitor despite having straight up been told the solution, it has emerged today.
newsthump.com
November 7, 2025 at 9:06 AM
NEWS! David Olusaga still not sure who the final traitor is newsthump.com/2025/11/07/d...
Reposted by NewsThump
I'm not a "stock market guy", but can someone explain to me how Elon's pay package doesn't simply incentivise him to make people THINK Tesla will make money in the future, rather than ACTUALLY make money in the present?
How can someone's pay be so much, and NOT be based on actually making money?
How can someone's pay be so much, and NOT be based on actually making money?
November 7, 2025 at 7:34 AM
I'm not a "stock market guy", but can someone explain to me how Elon's pay package doesn't simply incentivise him to make people THINK Tesla will make money in the future, rather than ACTUALLY make money in the present?
How can someone's pay be so much, and NOT be based on actually making money?
How can someone's pay be so much, and NOT be based on actually making money?
Trump's reaction when a guest fainted in the Oval Office was just... *chef's kiss*
November 6, 2025 at 8:45 PM
Trump's reaction when a guest fainted in the Oval Office was just... *chef's kiss*
I felt a bit funny after dinner tonight, and after checking the best-before date on this sauce bottle, I realised it is over FOUR THOUSAND years out of date! Do the supermarkets think we’re too stupid to notice these things?!
November 6, 2025 at 7:55 PM
I felt a bit funny after dinner tonight, and after checking the best-before date on this sauce bottle, I realised it is over FOUR THOUSAND years out of date! Do the supermarkets think we’re too stupid to notice these things?!
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November 6, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Punching Nazis is always cool. Get your T-shirt in a range of colours with free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/zQpxU20
I have been bullied by a 7-year-old girl. And now I'm raising money for Movember while growing a humiliatingly inadequate moustache. I would appreciate donations (no matter how small!) here >>> movember.com/m/newsthump
November 6, 2025 at 1:52 PM
I have been bullied by a 7-year-old girl. And now I'm raising money for Movember while growing a humiliatingly inadequate moustache. I would appreciate donations (no matter how small!) here >>> movember.com/m/newsthump
Evolution of a voter (you can guess which kind). Get it on a 100% organic cotton T-shirt and with free UK delivery right here >>> buff.ly/Mc768xT
November 6, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Evolution of a voter (you can guess which kind). Get it on a 100% organic cotton T-shirt and with free UK delivery right here >>> buff.ly/Mc768xT
NEWS! Wandsworth Prison to trial brand new security system of remembering to shut the door
Wandsworth Prison to trial brand new security system of remembering to shut the door
HMP Wandsworth has announced their plan to regain the public’s trust by trialling a brand new state-of-the-art security system of remembering to shut the door.
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November 6, 2025 at 11:55 AM
NEWS! Wandsworth Prison to trial brand new security system of remembering to shut the door
NEWS! Gunpowder plotte was ye false flagge, sayeth 17th century conspiracy theorists newsthump.com/2025/11/06/g...
Gunpowder plotte was ye false flagge, sayeth 17th century conspiracy theorists
A 17th-century conspiracy theorist is convinced the gunpowder plot was a government scheme to justify taking people’s gunpowder away, as it is impossible for mere powder to undo stone and stout oak…
newsthump.com
November 6, 2025 at 11:03 AM
NEWS! Gunpowder plotte was ye false flagge, sayeth 17th century conspiracy theorists newsthump.com/2025/11/06/g...
NEWS! Prison Break reboot to see Lincoln Burrows walk out the front door after becoming a convicted sex offender buff.ly/HK0ro5r
Prison Break reboot to see Lincoln Burrows walk out the front door after becoming a convicted sex offender
Producers of the hit drama Prison Break have confirmed a gritty UK-based reboot, in which protagonist Lincoln Burrows no longer tunnels through walls, outruns machine-gun fire, or hides cryptic map…
newsthump.com
November 6, 2025 at 10:24 AM
NEWS! Prison Break reboot to see Lincoln Burrows walk out the front door after becoming a convicted sex offender buff.ly/HK0ro5r
NEWS! Allowing inmates to dress up as one another for Halloween “possibly a mistake” admits prison governor
Allowing inmates to dress up as one another for Halloween “possibly a mistake” admits prison governor
After the accidental early release of Brahim Kaddour-Cherif, HMP Wandsworth’s governor has conceded that allowing inmates to dress up as whoever they wanted for Halloween may have been “a mistake”.…
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November 6, 2025 at 8:30 AM
NEWS! Allowing inmates to dress up as one another for Halloween “possibly a mistake” admits prison governor
Elon Bums Hobbits. It's the only explanation for his ongoing fascination with the 'Shire' and its inhabitants. Get your 100% organic cotton Tee with free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/N21z2P8
November 5, 2025 at 3:36 PM
Elon Bums Hobbits. It's the only explanation for his ongoing fascination with the 'Shire' and its inhabitants. Get your 100% organic cotton Tee with free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/N21z2P8