Matt Musselman
@mussels.bsky.social
Texan-Canadian foodie, animal lover, thought leader, techie, design nerd, meme hoarder, arcane member of the alphabet mafia, and friendly neighbourhood spiderman.
he/him
he/him
Seems like half the grocery stores these days have bleak names like “Last Dollar in My Pocket” and “Broke as Shit”
Why can’t we go back to naming them after cheerful things, like pigs that wiggle.
Why can’t we go back to naming them after cheerful things, like pigs that wiggle.
November 25, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Seems like half the grocery stores these days have bleak names like “Last Dollar in My Pocket” and “Broke as Shit”
Why can’t we go back to naming them after cheerful things, like pigs that wiggle.
Why can’t we go back to naming them after cheerful things, like pigs that wiggle.
Autism assessments written by neurotypicals: “On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate your skill at recognizing facial expressions?”
Me secretly assessing someone to see if they’re part of the tribe: “How do you feel about raw tomatoes?”
Me secretly assessing someone to see if they’re part of the tribe: “How do you feel about raw tomatoes?”
November 24, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Autism assessments written by neurotypicals: “On a scale of 1-5, how would you rate your skill at recognizing facial expressions?”
Me secretly assessing someone to see if they’re part of the tribe: “How do you feel about raw tomatoes?”
Me secretly assessing someone to see if they’re part of the tribe: “How do you feel about raw tomatoes?”
The inside of this washroom was larger than I expected
November 16, 2025 at 11:53 PM
The inside of this washroom was larger than I expected
Google maps should offer a feature where you can tag a restaurant or shop that isn’t open for business yet, and then it will notify you when the place finally opens up. #IdeasForFree.
November 16, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Google maps should offer a feature where you can tag a restaurant or shop that isn’t open for business yet, and then it will notify you when the place finally opens up. #IdeasForFree.
I can still viscerally remember the sensation of a blunt pencil lead just utterly shredding this image like it was only yesterday
November 8, 2025 at 8:14 PM
I can still viscerally remember the sensation of a blunt pencil lead just utterly shredding this image like it was only yesterday
Remember when every house suddenly had a bowl of potpourri in every room for like five years and then just as suddenly nobody had any potpourri anymore
What happened to all the potpourri
What happened to all the potpourri
November 4, 2025 at 4:03 AM
Remember when every house suddenly had a bowl of potpourri in every room for like five years and then just as suddenly nobody had any potpourri anymore
What happened to all the potpourri
What happened to all the potpourri
Im going to start buying cheap phone headphones at the dollar store and handing them out to people.
November 4, 2025 at 12:26 AM
Im going to start buying cheap phone headphones at the dollar store and handing them out to people.
Marketing People: Here are some things you can buy a month from now!
Me: What about things I can do today?
Marketing People: No.
Me: What about things I can do today?
Marketing People: No.
October 29, 2025 at 2:56 PM
Marketing People: Here are some things you can buy a month from now!
Me: What about things I can do today?
Marketing People: No.
Me: What about things I can do today?
Marketing People: No.
Forever perplexed how the term "cat burglar" somehow means neither someone who steals cats nor a cat who steals but some other third thing.
October 25, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Forever perplexed how the term "cat burglar" somehow means neither someone who steals cats nor a cat who steals but some other third thing.
Amazing how when someone posts a Top 40 list of songs when you were in high school, half of them are songs that have played in your head for years, and half are titles you swear someone invented just to mess with you.
October 21, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Amazing how when someone posts a Top 40 list of songs when you were in high school, half of them are songs that have played in your head for years, and half are titles you swear someone invented just to mess with you.
Help yourself. Goes well with a nice chianti.
October 19, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Help yourself. Goes well with a nice chianti.
Will never stop thinking about the musician in Penzance England who replaced the disc in CD cases of The Pirates of Penzance in tourist shops with their own demo CD to trick tourists into buying it.
A legend.
A legend.
October 16, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Will never stop thinking about the musician in Penzance England who replaced the disc in CD cases of The Pirates of Penzance in tourist shops with their own demo CD to trick tourists into buying it.
A legend.
A legend.
This satellite imagery of the Netherlands before and after land reclamation is pretty awesome, but the real story is how someone was able to take a satellite photo in the year 1300
October 10, 2025 at 9:58 PM
This satellite imagery of the Netherlands before and after land reclamation is pretty awesome, but the real story is how someone was able to take a satellite photo in the year 1300
Watching a mystery show where the police are scrolling through the victim’s web browser history for clues, and I had previously assumed the death part was the scariest thing about being murdered.
October 6, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Watching a mystery show where the police are scrolling through the victim’s web browser history for clues, and I had previously assumed the death part was the scariest thing about being murdered.
One of the bittersweet things as you get older is having to admit you're never going to have time to learn how to do all the things you wanted to be good at.
Like spelling Matthew McConaughey's name right.
Like spelling Matthew McConaughey's name right.
October 4, 2025 at 4:31 PM
One of the bittersweet things as you get older is having to admit you're never going to have time to learn how to do all the things you wanted to be good at.
Like spelling Matthew McConaughey's name right.
Like spelling Matthew McConaughey's name right.
Whatever happened to left-handed scissors? Did someone quietly invent the miracle omni-scissor? Or did we just collectively give up on the lefties one day?
September 1, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Whatever happened to left-handed scissors? Did someone quietly invent the miracle omni-scissor? Or did we just collectively give up on the lefties one day?
There need to be more dogs named Bob Barker
August 23, 2025 at 6:15 PM
There need to be more dogs named Bob Barker
Why does baby oil exist? Why are we oiling babies?
August 4, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Why does baby oil exist? Why are we oiling babies?
Streaming networks should have to show a little icon if not all the episodes of a show have dropped.
Hate getting hooked into a series that stops at episode 2.
Hate getting hooked into a series that stops at episode 2.
July 10, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Streaming networks should have to show a little icon if not all the episodes of a show have dropped.
Hate getting hooked into a series that stops at episode 2.
Hate getting hooked into a series that stops at episode 2.
Dmitri’s friend Kotaro is suddenly bigger than he his, and this changes things a bit.
July 2, 2025 at 3:25 AM
Dmitri’s friend Kotaro is suddenly bigger than he his, and this changes things a bit.
"What if we take the toughest, worst cut of beef, and make it the most expensive thing on the menu."
"Why would anyone order that?!?"
"Well, we'll slice it up razor thin. And then we'll parade it out on a hot sizzling plate so everybody will want to be in the sizzling plate club, too."
"Dude."
"Why would anyone order that?!?"
"Well, we'll slice it up razor thin. And then we'll parade it out on a hot sizzling plate so everybody will want to be in the sizzling plate club, too."
"Dude."
June 29, 2025 at 5:14 PM
"What if we take the toughest, worst cut of beef, and make it the most expensive thing on the menu."
"Why would anyone order that?!?"
"Well, we'll slice it up razor thin. And then we'll parade it out on a hot sizzling plate so everybody will want to be in the sizzling plate club, too."
"Dude."
"Why would anyone order that?!?"
"Well, we'll slice it up razor thin. And then we'll parade it out on a hot sizzling plate so everybody will want to be in the sizzling plate club, too."
"Dude."
Every time I’m in line at the bank to do something simple, it seems like each and every person in front of me are doing some kind of corporate merger that takes a half an hour.
June 21, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Every time I’m in line at the bank to do something simple, it seems like each and every person in front of me are doing some kind of corporate merger that takes a half an hour.
🎵 I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
They think why we’re not coming
is we never got an ad 🎵
I find it kind of sad,
They think why we’re not coming
is we never got an ad 🎵
June 19, 2025 at 6:23 PM
🎵 I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
They think why we’re not coming
is we never got an ad 🎵
I find it kind of sad,
They think why we’re not coming
is we never got an ad 🎵
Just did that thing where I got so excited about cooking a thing that I spent all my spoons buying the ingredients and now I'm too tired to actually cook.
June 15, 2025 at 2:00 AM
Just did that thing where I got so excited about cooking a thing that I spent all my spoons buying the ingredients and now I'm too tired to actually cook.