Monkey Bullets
@monkeybullets.bsky.social
the world's dumbest cash grab
Check out the latest chapter in Monkey Bullets’ Elon Musk biography.
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open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
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April 5, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Check out the latest chapter in Monkey Bullets’ Elon Musk biography.
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Reposted by Monkey Bullets
Seeing a lot of "if the liberals are mad we must be doing something right" shit lately, and I can't stress enough how fucking stupid it is.
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
Why are the Liberals so Upset I Burned Down that Orphanage, Huh?
I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing sweeter than liberal tears.
monkeybullets.substack.com
February 10, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Seeing a lot of "if the liberals are mad we must be doing something right" shit lately, and I can't stress enough how fucking stupid it is.
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
In today’s Flash Fiction the News, a dad measures his son’s erections and convinces himself he’ll never die
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open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Flash Fiction the News: Death Defying Erection Dad
On mortality and the penis.
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January 25, 2025 at 9:07 PM
In today’s Flash Fiction the News, a dad measures his son’s erections and convinces himself he’ll never die
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Seems like a good day to talk about how much money it would take to literally crush your skull, for some reason.
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open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
How Much Money Does it Take to Kill You?
A short mathematical exercise.
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January 21, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Seems like a good day to talk about how much money it would take to literally crush your skull, for some reason.
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
On today's Flash Fiction the News, people buy nuclear bunkers even though experts say they're useless.
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/flash-fict...
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/flash-fict...
Flash Fiction the News: Dream Home Fallout Shelter
Delusion, while supplies last.
monkeybullets.substack.com
January 7, 2025 at 8:07 PM
On today's Flash Fiction the News, people buy nuclear bunkers even though experts say they're useless.
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/flash-fict...
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/flash-fict...
On today’s Flash Fiction the News, we get an inside view of what it’s like to be the world’s saddest tweeter.
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open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Flash Fiction the News: Billionaire Twitter War
Rage and loneliness in Austin, Texas.
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December 31, 2024 at 4:09 AM
On today’s Flash Fiction the News, we get an inside view of what it’s like to be the world’s saddest tweeter.
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Santa’s Workshop is Now An Amazon Subsidiary
It's Christmas, optimized.
monkeybullets.substack.com
December 20, 2024 at 6:46 PM
"Let’s be real, who among us hasn’t been right on edge of tipsy and decided “fuck it, if I just roll down the windows and blast some Judas Priest, stick to the back roads, and only oversee a few covert amphibious operations, I’ll be just fine.”"
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open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Tips for How to Drink and Run the DoD Responsibly
Drink water between nuclear strikes.
open.substack.com
December 10, 2024 at 4:51 PM
"Let’s be real, who among us hasn’t been right on edge of tipsy and decided “fuck it, if I just roll down the windows and blast some Judas Priest, stick to the back roads, and only oversee a few covert amphibious operations, I’ll be just fine.”"
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
I think it's actually okay to be in charge of the military drunk as long as you roll down all the windows and blast some Judas Priest.
December 9, 2024 at 6:47 PM
I think it's actually okay to be in charge of the military drunk as long as you roll down all the windows and blast some Judas Priest.
" Who felt the weight of his strength? What sounds of suffering did he call “noise?” Who received and did not receive his love? Stop asking questions. Lester is your totem. He is your myth to make real. You are him and he is you."
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
The Battle of Maddox Bridge
Reflections on a war we never should have fought.
monkeybullets.substack.com
December 5, 2024 at 4:42 PM
" Who felt the weight of his strength? What sounds of suffering did he call “noise?” Who received and did not receive his love? Stop asking questions. Lester is your totem. He is your myth to make real. You are him and he is you."
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
Reposted by Monkey Bullets
Isn't the con just so fucking obvious?
1.) Republicans run up the debt $8.4 tril (tax cuts for billionaires, baby)
2.) Let (yes, LET) democrats take over so it seems like they own the debt.
3.) Get back into power.
4.) Clutch pearls, fan face.
5.) Cut our most vital social programs.
1.) Republicans run up the debt $8.4 tril (tax cuts for billionaires, baby)
2.) Let (yes, LET) democrats take over so it seems like they own the debt.
3.) Get back into power.
4.) Clutch pearls, fan face.
5.) Cut our most vital social programs.
December 3, 2024 at 4:14 PM
Isn't the con just so fucking obvious?
1.) Republicans run up the debt $8.4 tril (tax cuts for billionaires, baby)
2.) Let (yes, LET) democrats take over so it seems like they own the debt.
3.) Get back into power.
4.) Clutch pearls, fan face.
5.) Cut our most vital social programs.
1.) Republicans run up the debt $8.4 tril (tax cuts for billionaires, baby)
2.) Let (yes, LET) democrats take over so it seems like they own the debt.
3.) Get back into power.
4.) Clutch pearls, fan face.
5.) Cut our most vital social programs.
“Whatchu think?” He broke the long silence.
“I think we create chaos just so we can find the meaning in it.”
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
“I think we create chaos just so we can find the meaning in it.”
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
The Last Town in the Wild West.
An end of the world love story.
open.substack.com
December 2, 2024 at 9:29 PM
“Whatchu think?” He broke the long silence.
“I think we create chaos just so we can find the meaning in it.”
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
“I think we create chaos just so we can find the meaning in it.”
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...