Andrew Singleton
andrewsingleton.bsky.social
Andrew Singleton
@andrewsingleton.bsky.social
Writer. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad. Bylines in McSweeney's. Substack at monkeybullets.substack.com
This piece I wrote back in January is trending again. It's almost like this a foundational societal problem we need to solve...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-w...
November 11, 2025 at 9:30 PM
It's been 15 years since the rent was too damn high. How too damn high is it now?

howtoodamnhighistherent.com
Wireframe F853 copy
cargo.site
howtoodamnhighistherent.com
November 5, 2025 at 10:03 PM
JD Vance is Nixon if Nixon weren't drunk all the time.
October 15, 2025 at 3:48 AM
I still think Stephen Miller's greatest crime was writing the lyric "lovery-dovey lovey-dovey lovey dovey all the time."
September 29, 2025 at 4:44 PM
I'm just gonna relentlessly promote this piece of writing until you read it and share it so you might as well just do it and save us a lot of trouble.

monkeybullets.substack.com/p/the-battle...
How a War Starts
It starts at home.
monkeybullets.substack.com
September 14, 2025 at 6:33 PM
How a War Starts
It starts at home.
open.substack.com
September 13, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Here's a funny little apology from God, if you feel like you deserve one.
monkeybullets.substack.com/p/im-god-and...
I'm God, and I Messed Up
It's a lot trickier than you think running All Creation.
monkeybullets.substack.com
September 9, 2025 at 4:06 PM
It's early in the news day, but I have a hunch this will be relevant again by around noon.

monkeybullets.substack.com/p/money-baby
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
monkeybullets.substack.com
May 19, 2025 at 12:24 PM
Hey y’all, check out this short story I just wrote about how having too much money turns you into a giant baby. It’s relevant!

open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
MONEY BABY
In a world where money buys youth, unchecked ultrawealth has unintended consequences.
open.substack.com
April 5, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Seeing a lot of "if the liberals are mad we must be doing something right" shit lately, and I can't stress enough how fucking stupid it is.

monkeybullets.substack.com/p/why-are-th...
Why are the Liberals so Upset I Burned Down that Orphanage, Huh?
I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing sweeter than liberal tears.
monkeybullets.substack.com
February 10, 2025 at 5:03 PM
@aoc.bsky.social

Payments are frozen right now to a great number of people who desperately need them, many in swing states. The Dems have a fundraising machine that brought in $1b in three months this summer. If there's ever a time to put your money where your mouth is as a party, it's now.
February 5, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Reposted by Andrew Singleton
In today’s Flash Fiction the News, a dad measures his son’s erections and convinces himself he’ll never die

open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
Flash Fiction the News: Death Defying Erection Dad
On mortality and the penis.
open.substack.com
January 25, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Reposted by Andrew Singleton
Seems like a good day to talk about how much money it would take to literally crush your skull, for some reason.
open.substack.com/pub/monkeybu...
How Much Money Does it Take to Kill You?
A short mathematical exercise.
open.substack.com
January 21, 2025 at 3:09 AM