Local Turnip
@lordturnip.bsky.social
I kinda remember when things were slightly okay.
I love horror movies, cooking, reading, and sass. 🍁
I love horror movies, cooking, reading, and sass. 🍁
I was logging what I ate today in my calorie tracking app and my phone battery got really hot, and then the phone powered off.
Is that good?
Is that good?
February 13, 2026 at 7:34 PM
I was logging what I ate today in my calorie tracking app and my phone battery got really hot, and then the phone powered off.
Is that good?
Is that good?
Never mind. I ate a muffin.
I've given up carbs until lunch. Wish me luck.
February 12, 2026 at 3:18 PM
Never mind. I ate a muffin.
I've given up carbs until lunch. Wish me luck.
February 12, 2026 at 3:03 PM
I've given up carbs until lunch. Wish me luck.
Maybe an apple fritter will make me feel something
February 11, 2026 at 5:31 PM
Maybe an apple fritter will make me feel something
My coworker says she cries every morning when she drops off her child at daycare.
So what? I cry every morning I drop myself off on the bus. It's cleansing! And I often get a seat.
So what? I cry every morning I drop myself off on the bus. It's cleansing! And I often get a seat.
February 11, 2026 at 4:32 PM
My coworker says she cries every morning when she drops off her child at daycare.
So what? I cry every morning I drop myself off on the bus. It's cleansing! And I often get a seat.
So what? I cry every morning I drop myself off on the bus. It's cleansing! And I often get a seat.
Yawning so hard I almost dislocated my jaw
February 10, 2026 at 5:48 PM
Yawning so hard I almost dislocated my jaw
It's insane hearing drivers calling people on scooters and bikes "a menace". Really? A menace??
If there is a collision between your car and a cyclist, you're saying the person most likely to be instantly killed is the menace?? Pure insanity.
If there is a collision between your car and a cyclist, you're saying the person most likely to be instantly killed is the menace?? Pure insanity.
February 9, 2026 at 4:22 PM
It's insane hearing drivers calling people on scooters and bikes "a menace". Really? A menace??
If there is a collision between your car and a cyclist, you're saying the person most likely to be instantly killed is the menace?? Pure insanity.
If there is a collision between your car and a cyclist, you're saying the person most likely to be instantly killed is the menace?? Pure insanity.
Don’t tell me what’s happening outside. I’m making stew. This is my world now.
February 8, 2026 at 9:52 PM
Don’t tell me what’s happening outside. I’m making stew. This is my world now.
Reposted by Local Turnip
Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.
February 6, 2026 at 6:24 PM
Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.
Oh, what, so we're doing an Italian Olympics now?? And no one even asked me to represent the country in Spaghetti? I'd bring home the gold for sure!
February 5, 2026 at 7:57 PM
Oh, what, so we're doing an Italian Olympics now?? And no one even asked me to represent the country in Spaghetti? I'd bring home the gold for sure!
He's a billionaire? I think you meant pedo-naire.
February 5, 2026 at 2:20 PM
He's a billionaire? I think you meant pedo-naire.
It feels weird working on National Stuffed Mushroom Day. We should be spending this time with our families.
February 4, 2026 at 2:22 PM
It feels weird working on National Stuffed Mushroom Day. We should be spending this time with our families.
Waiting several hours in line at Antiques Roadshow, ceramic lawn goose with a visible 'clearance' sticker tucked under my arm.
February 3, 2026 at 5:08 PM
Waiting several hours in line at Antiques Roadshow, ceramic lawn goose with a visible 'clearance' sticker tucked under my arm.
I don't care none about no dang Groundhog Day. We'll all be dead 'fore spring I reckon.
February 2, 2026 at 3:23 PM
I don't care none about no dang Groundhog Day. We'll all be dead 'fore spring I reckon.
Everyone talks about the Groundhog, but what about its lesser known cousins the Airhog (goose) or the Seahog (obese seal)?
February 2, 2026 at 3:07 PM
Everyone talks about the Groundhog, but what about its lesser known cousins the Airhog (goose) or the Seahog (obese seal)?
Turns out billionaires aren’t just morally bankrupt because they hoard insane wealth by exploiting us all. They are also ALL raging pedos.
Let’s cut to the part where we toss them screaming into a volcano.
Let’s cut to the part where we toss them screaming into a volcano.
February 2, 2026 at 12:41 AM
Turns out billionaires aren’t just morally bankrupt because they hoard insane wealth by exploiting us all. They are also ALL raging pedos.
Let’s cut to the part where we toss them screaming into a volcano.
Let’s cut to the part where we toss them screaming into a volcano.
Alright, January, that’s enough goddammit! Get the fuck outta here!!
January 31, 2026 at 10:51 PM
Alright, January, that’s enough goddammit! Get the fuck outta here!!
As a Canadian, we may need a National Day of Mourning. This one hurts.
RIP to the Legend, Catherine O'Hara
RIP to the Legend, Catherine O'Hara
January 30, 2026 at 8:33 PM
As a Canadian, we may need a National Day of Mourning. This one hurts.
RIP to the Legend, Catherine O'Hara
RIP to the Legend, Catherine O'Hara
5th read of 2026: Coffin Moon by Keith Rosson
Could not tear myself away from this blood-soaked revenge story. Traumatic encounters, vivid characters, fantastic world-building. I hope Rosson dives into this world again and keeps expanding the vampire lore. A bloody good time!
#booksky
Could not tear myself away from this blood-soaked revenge story. Traumatic encounters, vivid characters, fantastic world-building. I hope Rosson dives into this world again and keeps expanding the vampire lore. A bloody good time!
#booksky
January 30, 2026 at 5:08 PM
5th read of 2026: Coffin Moon by Keith Rosson
Could not tear myself away from this blood-soaked revenge story. Traumatic encounters, vivid characters, fantastic world-building. I hope Rosson dives into this world again and keeps expanding the vampire lore. A bloody good time!
#booksky
Could not tear myself away from this blood-soaked revenge story. Traumatic encounters, vivid characters, fantastic world-building. I hope Rosson dives into this world again and keeps expanding the vampire lore. A bloody good time!
#booksky
4th read of 2026: Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
Appropriately I finished this in the midst of huge snowstorm this week. Fascinating first-person account of a complicated disaster and a detailed history of the Everest obsession rolled into one. Some haunting moments will stay with you.
#booksky
Appropriately I finished this in the midst of huge snowstorm this week. Fascinating first-person account of a complicated disaster and a detailed history of the Everest obsession rolled into one. Some haunting moments will stay with you.
#booksky
January 30, 2026 at 4:28 PM
4th read of 2026: Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
Appropriately I finished this in the midst of huge snowstorm this week. Fascinating first-person account of a complicated disaster and a detailed history of the Everest obsession rolled into one. Some haunting moments will stay with you.
#booksky
Appropriately I finished this in the midst of huge snowstorm this week. Fascinating first-person account of a complicated disaster and a detailed history of the Everest obsession rolled into one. Some haunting moments will stay with you.
#booksky
The wind is angry this morning. Walking outside is like being slapped in the face with a bag of ice.
January 30, 2026 at 2:08 PM
The wind is angry this morning. Walking outside is like being slapped in the face with a bag of ice.
Wish I was at home enjoying the charming delights of Singles Inferno
January 29, 2026 at 5:15 PM
Wish I was at home enjoying the charming delights of Singles Inferno
The Gestapo are frustrated that you keep interrupting their murders with all that dang whistling.
January 29, 2026 at 2:46 PM
The Gestapo are frustrated that you keep interrupting their murders with all that dang whistling.